The Student Room Group

breaking up etiquette

the guy with the christmas break up thread made me wonder : when you break up with a girl, do you sit there for the crying and the usual bs or just leave like a minute later? is it bad to just leave after 1 min or so, bye bye have a nice life?
I think the etiquette is to do it in such a way as to leave the person with as much dignity and self-respect as possible. So, in private, not a special occasion, not at a time of high pressure, and being honest whilst remaining tactful ("I just don't feel a connection" rather than "you're bad in bed"). I think it's also good manners to be clear and not give someone false hope of future reconciliation just because that's conversationally easier. Immediately suggesting that you stay sleeping together is in the worst possible taste.

Whether to sit with them or not ought to be guided by the personalities of those involved - I wouldn't want someone to stay and watch me cry: it would be far more considerate for them to just leave. However, others might argue for the reverse. In the immediate aftermath, I'd initially make an effort to answer any calls or questions they might have but if this starts to become excessive suggest that you stop speaking for a while and definitely don't take the call.

If it was a serious relationship, the person initiating the break up should subsequently spend a good few weeks (possibly months) being ultra discreet on social media. It is also a good idea to keep your thoughts on the other person to yourself. Finally, it really is up to the person being jilted whether they want to stay friends.

A related area is mutual friends - each side should make a real effort to try not to be a **** about it and force them to pick sides.

As might have been obvious, some of the above were from hard-won personal experience.

On the other hand, if him or her has been cheating on you, then all bets are off and it's quite permissible to take their clothes into the garden and set fire to them.
I think it depends on the individual situation. If the person has cheated on you, or been abusive, then I don't see why should give them any respect in my opinion, considering what they've done to you. If you've fallen out of love with your partner, then it's best to talk to them privately about how you feel, and try to make the break-up as simple as possible. The easiest break-ups are the ones where the relationship is dying in my opinion.

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