Followed TSR's advice, it failed. What next?
I've lurked these forums for a couple of years now and one of the main opinions posited is that women should have no problem getting a guy. One of the common pieces of advice given was to ask a guy out and how apparently any guy would be happy be to asked and so many guys like girls but are too shy etc etc.
There was a guy I quite liked who I'd met at a party and we had met up a quite few times to go cinema, pubs, generally hang out. Long story short I asked him out and he said no but he would consider me as a casual f-buddy
my confidence was shattered to pieces after that.
A year later I eventually built back up my confidence so I thought, what the heck, I'm 21 at university never had a real boyfriend and there was a guy I liked in my lectures. We'd studied together a lot during this term and talked in lectures and we shared some nerdy interests. I thought I would have an ok chance so I took the plunge and asked him out
he said no very nicely but it hurt like absolute hell all the same.
All I can say is I now how so much respect for guys who get rejected all the time. Two times has already depressed me so much and made me feel like there is something wrong with me
I really don't think I have the confidence to ask every again but I do feel so lonely sometimes and sad all my friends have/had serious boyfriends except me.
There was a guy I quite liked who I'd met at a party and we had met up a quite few times to go cinema, pubs, generally hang out. Long story short I asked him out and he said no but he would consider me as a casual f-buddy
my confidence was shattered to pieces after that.A year later I eventually built back up my confidence so I thought, what the heck, I'm 21 at university never had a real boyfriend and there was a guy I liked in my lectures. We'd studied together a lot during this term and talked in lectures and we shared some nerdy interests. I thought I would have an ok chance so I took the plunge and asked him out
he said no very nicely but it hurt like absolute hell all the same.All I can say is I now how so much respect for guys who get rejected all the time. Two times has already depressed me so much and made me feel like there is something wrong with me
I really don't think I have the confidence to ask every again but I do feel so lonely sometimes and sad all my friends have/had serious boyfriends except me.
Make yourself look as best as possible (lose weight, nice haircut, nice clothes etc), go out more to increase your social skills - the better you enhance yourself, the better your chance.
If you're already good in all of those areas, you'll find someone eventually in my opinion.
Best of luck, sorry things haven't worked out for you!
If you're already good in all of those areas, you'll find someone eventually in my opinion.
Best of luck, sorry things haven't worked out for you!
I understand your situation completely. I am a guy, however I've been rejected by several girls in various ways. I know it hurts.
Understand that in life nothing is for sure. What i mean is, you can't guarantee success in anything. The best we can do is put ourselves in the best position to achieve our goals.
Did you know for sure that you would be accepted to your uni? Probably not. When you graduate from your uni will your first job interview be a success? Unlikely.
We cannot guarantee a outcome to a situation, However we can put ourselves in the best position to achieve it and give ourselves the best chance. Put another way, a guy will never ask you out 100% of the time, but you can increase that percentage.
How do you do this you may ask? Well for one thing its the environment. If your looking for the more serious relationship/ less physical/sexual generally you would want to ask out guys that you meet in a serious setting like a uni, organized event, etc. If you want a more sexual/ physical thing parties, pubs and clubs are probably better. Obviously this is not 100% true.
Getting to know the guy before making a move can also make the relationship more emotional and less sexual. Also just try to improve your appearance with exercise, nice clothes, and put a smile on your face.
Lastly life can be just as much fun single. Believe it or not some people want to be single again. The grass isn't always greener. Less freedom, free time, and less hanging out with your friends are all negative consequences.
Now go out there and live your life how you want to! Don't let fear of rejection cripple you any longer. Ask them out but move on if it doesn't work out!
Understand that in life nothing is for sure. What i mean is, you can't guarantee success in anything. The best we can do is put ourselves in the best position to achieve our goals.
Did you know for sure that you would be accepted to your uni? Probably not. When you graduate from your uni will your first job interview be a success? Unlikely.
We cannot guarantee a outcome to a situation, However we can put ourselves in the best position to achieve it and give ourselves the best chance. Put another way, a guy will never ask you out 100% of the time, but you can increase that percentage.
How do you do this you may ask? Well for one thing its the environment. If your looking for the more serious relationship/ less physical/sexual generally you would want to ask out guys that you meet in a serious setting like a uni, organized event, etc. If you want a more sexual/ physical thing parties, pubs and clubs are probably better. Obviously this is not 100% true.
Getting to know the guy before making a move can also make the relationship more emotional and less sexual. Also just try to improve your appearance with exercise, nice clothes, and put a smile on your face.
Lastly life can be just as much fun single. Believe it or not some people want to be single again. The grass isn't always greener. Less freedom, free time, and less hanging out with your friends are all negative consequences.
Now go out there and live your life how you want to! Don't let fear of rejection cripple you any longer. Ask them out but move on if it doesn't work out!
Original post by Anonymous
x
When I was 15/16 I got rejected by 5 girls I asked out (across those two years). . . I was never the same again
(imagine my confidence back then haha).
Original post by Capn cas
When I was 15/16 I got rejected by 5 girls I asked out (across those two years). . . I was never the same again (imagine my confidence back then haha).
(imagine my confidence back then haha).Omg. I was also rejected by five girls in my secondary school years. This has had a massive impact on my confidence. What i am doing is doing things that i am afraid of so i am becoming more confident and i think that next term i will be able to approach a girl i like. People have laughed at me because of the number if times i have been rejected but why do you need them in your life. Only do what you want. Hope this helps.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Same advise I give everybody:
If you get rejected take the positives from it. Condition your mind to believe that rejection is the normal response then you won't get so effected by it and it becomes much easier to ask the other sex out.
Even if you do get rejected, they've missed out on having an awesome time with you.
The people who laugh at people for getting rejected are the people who doesn't have the balls to ask a girl/guy out and use you as a way to reaffirm that they're doing the right/cool thing to maintain their ego.
See it this way:
You ask her/him out, she says yes = Good times had by all.
You ask her/him out, she/he says no = Extract the positives from the situation = PROGRESS & Learn from mistakes.
You do nothing = You're in exactly the same "safe" position you were in before but you've made no progress, you're still holding onto the hope that somebody will like you enough that it happens anyway/they have the balls to ask you out.
As is with the same with everything else.
Doing nothing gets you no where.
If you get rejected take the positives from it. Condition your mind to believe that rejection is the normal response then you won't get so effected by it and it becomes much easier to ask the other sex out.
Even if you do get rejected, they've missed out on having an awesome time with you.
The people who laugh at people for getting rejected are the people who doesn't have the balls to ask a girl/guy out and use you as a way to reaffirm that they're doing the right/cool thing to maintain their ego.
See it this way:
You ask her/him out, she says yes = Good times had by all.
You ask her/him out, she/he says no = Extract the positives from the situation = PROGRESS & Learn from mistakes.
You do nothing = You're in exactly the same "safe" position you were in before but you've made no progress, you're still holding onto the hope that somebody will like you enough that it happens anyway/they have the balls to ask you out.
As is with the same with everything else.
Doing nothing gets you no where.
Original post by allforza2
I understand your situation completely. I am a guy, however I've been rejected by several girls in various ways. I know it hurts.
Understand that in life nothing is for sure. What i mean is, you can't guarantee success in anything. The best we can do is put ourselves in the best position to achieve our goals.
Did you know for sure that you would be accepted to your uni? Probably not. When you graduate from your uni will your first job interview be a success? Unlikely.
We cannot guarantee a outcome to a situation, However we can put ourselves in the best position to achieve it and give ourselves the best chance. Put another way, a guy will never ask you out 100% of the time, but you can increase that percentage.
How do you do this you may ask? Well for one thing its the environment. If your looking for the more serious relationship/ less physical/sexual generally you would want to ask out guys that you meet in a serious setting like a uni, organized event, etc. If you want a more sexual/ physical thing parties, pubs and clubs are probably better. Obviously this is not 100% true.
Getting to know the guy before making a move can also make the relationship more emotional and less sexual. Also just try to improve your appearance with exercise, nice clothes, and put a smile on your face.
Lastly life can be just as much fun single. Believe it or not some people want to be single again. The grass isn't always greener. Less freedom, free time, and less hanging out with your friends are all negative consequences.
Now go out there and live your life how you want to! Don't let fear of rejection cripple you any longer. Ask them out but move on if it doesn't work out!
Understand that in life nothing is for sure. What i mean is, you can't guarantee success in anything. The best we can do is put ourselves in the best position to achieve our goals.
Did you know for sure that you would be accepted to your uni? Probably not. When you graduate from your uni will your first job interview be a success? Unlikely.
We cannot guarantee a outcome to a situation, However we can put ourselves in the best position to achieve it and give ourselves the best chance. Put another way, a guy will never ask you out 100% of the time, but you can increase that percentage.
How do you do this you may ask? Well for one thing its the environment. If your looking for the more serious relationship/ less physical/sexual generally you would want to ask out guys that you meet in a serious setting like a uni, organized event, etc. If you want a more sexual/ physical thing parties, pubs and clubs are probably better. Obviously this is not 100% true.
Getting to know the guy before making a move can also make the relationship more emotional and less sexual. Also just try to improve your appearance with exercise, nice clothes, and put a smile on your face.
Lastly life can be just as much fun single. Believe it or not some people want to be single again. The grass isn't always greener. Less freedom, free time, and less hanging out with your friends are all negative consequences.
Now go out there and live your life how you want to! Don't let fear of rejection cripple you any longer. Ask them out but move on if it doesn't work out!
If I wanted a casual thing I would have accepted the f-buddy offer
Original post by RedArrow
Ouch... Maybe you are just fat.
Back in the day there was a girl who was persistent enought to ask me directly two times as well... Couldn't tell her in her face that she was fat and stupid so I just said haha I'm not into such stuff. Now she has cut me out
Back in the day there was a girl who was persistent enought to ask me directly two times as well... Couldn't tell her in her face that she was fat and stupid so I just said haha I'm not into such stuff. Now she has cut me out
But I know girls bigger than me who have boyfriends. I'm 5'2 size 10 and my friend is 5'3 size 14/16 and has had a boyfriend for two years and no he is not big too.
Original post by emobambam
once you fall off the horse get right back on. guys get rejected by women all of the time.
I acknowledged this in my post.
Original post by Scott.M
Make yourself look as best as possible (lose weight, nice haircut, nice clothes etc), go out more to increase your social skills - the better you enhance yourself, the better your chance.
If you're already good in all of those areas, you'll find someone eventually in my opinion.
Best of luck, sorry things haven't worked out for you!
If you're already good in all of those areas, you'll find someone eventually in my opinion.
Best of luck, sorry things haven't worked out for you!
I also see this general advice handed about a lot. Weight-I find it hard to believe it is this considering a girl much bigger than me has a boyfriend. I guess I could go down from 10 a few sizes but I play ultimate frisbee every week so I hardly lack for exercise
Nice haircut... well I have natural afro hair so I get it done a lot. My clothes are as nice as most others I guess, we all shop in the same places.
Thanks
Original post by Gjaykay
Only twice and you're ready to give up? Maybe relationships are for more mature people.
I was and I know it was stupid I feel better today though. I always swing between wanting to give up and not. Anyway, not sure I see the correlation about getting upset and maturity. Or are you saying mature people don't get upset or relationships are for mature people? I've seen ambulances come for these people in relationships because they were so drunk. How mature
Original post by Anonymous
I've lurked these forums for a couple of years now and one of the main opinions posited is that women should have no problem getting a guy. One of the common pieces of advice given was to ask a guy out and how apparently any guy would be happy be to asked and so many guys like girls but are too shy etc etc.
There was a guy I quite liked who I'd met at a party and we had met up a quite few times to go cinema, pubs, generally hang out. Long story short I asked him out and he said no but he would consider me as a casual f-buddy my confidence was shattered to pieces after that.
A year later I eventually built back up my confidence so I thought, what the heck, I'm 21 at university never had a real boyfriend and there was a guy I liked in my lectures. We'd studied together a lot during this term and talked in lectures and we shared some nerdy interests. I thought I would have an ok chance so I took the plunge and asked him out he said no very nicely but it hurt like absolute hell all the same.
All I can say is I now how so much respect for guys who get rejected all the time. Two times has already depressed me so much and made me feel like there is something wrong with me
I really don't think I have the confidence to ask every again but I do feel so lonely sometimes and sad all my friends have/had serious boyfriends except me.
There was a guy I quite liked who I'd met at a party and we had met up a quite few times to go cinema, pubs, generally hang out. Long story short I asked him out and he said no but he would consider me as a casual f-buddy
my confidence was shattered to pieces after that.A year later I eventually built back up my confidence so I thought, what the heck, I'm 21 at university never had a real boyfriend and there was a guy I liked in my lectures. We'd studied together a lot during this term and talked in lectures and we shared some nerdy interests. I thought I would have an ok chance so I took the plunge and asked him out
he said no very nicely but it hurt like absolute hell all the same.All I can say is I now how so much respect for guys who get rejected all the time. Two times has already depressed me so much and made me feel like there is something wrong with me
I really don't think I have the confidence to ask every again but I do feel so lonely sometimes and sad all my friends have/had serious boyfriends except me.
In a way i really do see it as unfair how as men we have the whole burden and risk of basically what you're saying happening to us all the time and women never ask men out. I think it's good you did and it's good to experience rejection, after a while it becomes a painless procedure.
You are a stepping stone in the evolution of a truly equal society, a woman ahead of your time
you are what I hope the future is. I'd certainly date you just for having the GUTS to ask out guys, something your peers lack to a fault, you should be seriously proud of yourself you are a credit to your gender more women need to be like you and stop being passive.(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I've lurked these forums for a couple of years now and one of the main opinions posited is that women should have no problem getting a guy. One of the common pieces of advice given was to ask a guy out and how apparently any guy would be happy be to asked and so many guys like girls but are too shy etc etc.
There was a guy I quite liked who I'd met at a party and we had met up a quite few times to go cinema, pubs, generally hang out. Long story short I asked him out and he said no but he would consider me as a casual f-buddy my confidence was shattered to pieces after that.
A year later I eventually built back up my confidence so I thought, what the heck, I'm 21 at university never had a real boyfriend and there was a guy I liked in my lectures. We'd studied together a lot during this term and talked in lectures and we shared some nerdy interests. I thought I would have an ok chance so I took the plunge and asked him out he said no very nicely but it hurt like absolute hell all the same.
All I can say is I now how so much respect for guys who get rejected all the time. Two times has already depressed me so much and made me feel like there is something wrong with me
I really don't think I have the confidence to ask every again but I do feel so lonely sometimes and sad all my friends have/had serious boyfriends except me.
There was a guy I quite liked who I'd met at a party and we had met up a quite few times to go cinema, pubs, generally hang out. Long story short I asked him out and he said no but he would consider me as a casual f-buddy
my confidence was shattered to pieces after that.A year later I eventually built back up my confidence so I thought, what the heck, I'm 21 at university never had a real boyfriend and there was a guy I liked in my lectures. We'd studied together a lot during this term and talked in lectures and we shared some nerdy interests. I thought I would have an ok chance so I took the plunge and asked him out
he said no very nicely but it hurt like absolute hell all the same.All I can say is I now how so much respect for guys who get rejected all the time. Two times has already depressed me so much and made me feel like there is something wrong with me
I really don't think I have the confidence to ask every again but I do feel so lonely sometimes and sad all my friends have/had serious boyfriends except me.
Original post by Anonymous
I've lurked these forums for a couple of years now and one of the main opinions posited is that women should have no problem getting a guy. One of the common pieces of advice given was to ask a guy out and how apparently any guy would be happy be to asked and so many guys like girls but are too shy etc etc.
There was a guy I quite liked who I'd met at a party and we had met up a quite few times to go cinema, pubs, generally hang out. Long story short I asked him out and he said no but he would consider me as a casual f-buddy my confidence was shattered to pieces after that.
A year later I eventually built back up my confidence so I thought, what the heck, I'm 21 at university never had a real boyfriend and there was a guy I liked in my lectures. We'd studied together a lot during this term and talked in lectures and we shared some nerdy interests. I thought I would have an ok chance so I took the plunge and asked him out he said no very nicely but it hurt like absolute hell all the same.
All I can say is I now how so much respect for guys who get rejected all the time. Two times has already depressed me so much and made me feel like there is something wrong with me
I really don't think I have the confidence to ask every again but I do feel so lonely sometimes and sad all my friends have/had serious boyfriends except me.
There was a guy I quite liked who I'd met at a party and we had met up a quite few times to go cinema, pubs, generally hang out. Long story short I asked him out and he said no but he would consider me as a casual f-buddy
my confidence was shattered to pieces after that.A year later I eventually built back up my confidence so I thought, what the heck, I'm 21 at university never had a real boyfriend and there was a guy I liked in my lectures. We'd studied together a lot during this term and talked in lectures and we shared some nerdy interests. I thought I would have an ok chance so I took the plunge and asked him out
he said no very nicely but it hurt like absolute hell all the same.All I can say is I now how so much respect for guys who get rejected all the time. Two times has already depressed me so much and made me feel like there is something wrong with me
I really don't think I have the confidence to ask every again but I do feel so lonely sometimes and sad all my friends have/had serious boyfriends except me.
Third time lucky?
Original post by Anonymous
I've lurked these forums for a couple of years now and one of the main opinions posited is that women should have no problem getting a guy. One of the common pieces of advice given was to ask a guy out and how apparently any guy would be happy be to asked and so many guys like girls but are too shy etc etc.
There was a guy I quite liked who I'd met at a party and we had met up a quite few times to go cinema, pubs, generally hang out. Long story short I asked him out and he said no but he would consider me as a casual f-buddy my confidence was shattered to pieces after that.
A year later I eventually built back up my confidence so I thought, what the heck, I'm 21 at university never had a real boyfriend and there was a guy I liked in my lectures. We'd studied together a lot during this term and talked in lectures and we shared some nerdy interests. I thought I would have an ok chance so I took the plunge and asked him out he said no very nicely but it hurt like absolute hell all the same.
All I can say is I now how so much respect for guys who get rejected all the time. Two times has already depressed me so much and made me feel like there is something wrong with me
I really don't think I have the confidence to ask every again but I do feel so lonely sometimes and sad all my friends have/had serious boyfriends except me.
There was a guy I quite liked who I'd met at a party and we had met up a quite few times to go cinema, pubs, generally hang out. Long story short I asked him out and he said no but he would consider me as a casual f-buddy
my confidence was shattered to pieces after that.A year later I eventually built back up my confidence so I thought, what the heck, I'm 21 at university never had a real boyfriend and there was a guy I liked in my lectures. We'd studied together a lot during this term and talked in lectures and we shared some nerdy interests. I thought I would have an ok chance so I took the plunge and asked him out
he said no very nicely but it hurt like absolute hell all the same.All I can say is I now how so much respect for guys who get rejected all the time. Two times has already depressed me so much and made me feel like there is something wrong with me
I really don't think I have the confidence to ask every again but I do feel so lonely sometimes and sad all my friends have/had serious boyfriends except me.
Rejected twice so give up?
Rejection is part of life and not in and of itself some big bad thing.
A large number of people wil lnot want a relationship with you for any reason but on the flipside a lot will.
You are inexperienced as you yourself admit.
What you need is more experience, so keep trying to date, learn what works for you and what doesn't, learn how to flirt, what guys to approach, when to escalate things or play it cool.
No-one said it is easy but as long as you're not a social retard you can learn.
You WILL find someone as long as you keep trying.
lesson: don't depend on tsr for help all the time lol
Original post by Anonymous
I've lurked these forums for a couple of years now and one of the main opinions posited is that women should have no problem getting a guy
No problem getting sex, not getting a boyfriend.
It's rough but that's life. You keep trying. When you're learning to swim, you don't expect to be doing 200m backstroke after your second lesson. I've had a lot of girlfriends but I've had loads of rejections. Admittedly you get better at reading the signs but there are ways of approaching people without it seeming like your whole self is at stake.
Original post by maskofsanity
No problem getting sex, not getting a boyfriend.
Sex maybe but boyfriends I would say it's about equal.
Original post by voodoochild
In a way i really do see it as unfair how as men we have the whole burden and risk of basically what you're saying happening to us all the time and women never ask men out. I think it's good you did and it's good to experience rejection, after a while it becomes a painless procedure.
You are a stepping stone in the evolution of a truly equal society, a woman ahead of your time you are what I hope the future is. I'd certainly date you just for having the GUTS to ask out guys, something your peers lack to a fault, you should be seriously proud of yourself you are a credit to your gender more women need to be like you and stop being passive.
You are a stepping stone in the evolution of a truly equal society, a woman ahead of your time
you are what I hope the future is. I'd certainly date you just for having the GUTS to ask out guys, something your peers lack to a fault, you should be seriously proud of yourself you are a credit to your gender more women need to be like you and stop being passive.Thanks for making me sound like a revolutionary
feeling much better now about the whole situation.Quick Reply
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