Your thoughts...
So I've been seeing this girl for nearly three years now, and most recently we have felt a change. I've been at university for the past two years, now entering my last semester, whilst she has only just started her University course (as she took a gap year).
Last night we were talking, and we both mentioned how things have changed between us over the last two months. Both of us couldn't really describe what it was that had changed, but she noted that we both had different career aspirations (I want to become a city lawyer, whilst she wants to be a care worker).
I also believe she thinks differently of me now, due to my opinion on marriage. I told her I'd love to be married one day, but it would have to be when I'm about 28-30 years old, as I didn't feel quite ready to settle down and have kids (I'm 21 at the moment, with her being 20). On top of that, I've been very lucky to see a happy marriage between my parents, but have seen relationships which are effectively 'marriages of convenience' (i.e. to protect the kids; because its less costly; because divorce is hassle etc etc). I said to my girlfriend that I wouldn't want to live in a marriage where the effort is gone, and that both individuals are undervalued by one another.
She didn't seem too happy about this, as she has always wanted to be married and have kids from the age of 25-26, plus on top of that, her mum keeps mentioning it to her to have kids, as my girlfriend told me she needs to feel like she has a purpose in life (as all of her other siblings are growing up). Therefore, last night, she was ridiculously quiet with me.
We've both agreed to wait a while to see how things work out.
Would you believe that this is the right way to move forward?
Last night we were talking, and we both mentioned how things have changed between us over the last two months. Both of us couldn't really describe what it was that had changed, but she noted that we both had different career aspirations (I want to become a city lawyer, whilst she wants to be a care worker).
I also believe she thinks differently of me now, due to my opinion on marriage. I told her I'd love to be married one day, but it would have to be when I'm about 28-30 years old, as I didn't feel quite ready to settle down and have kids (I'm 21 at the moment, with her being 20). On top of that, I've been very lucky to see a happy marriage between my parents, but have seen relationships which are effectively 'marriages of convenience' (i.e. to protect the kids; because its less costly; because divorce is hassle etc etc). I said to my girlfriend that I wouldn't want to live in a marriage where the effort is gone, and that both individuals are undervalued by one another.
She didn't seem too happy about this, as she has always wanted to be married and have kids from the age of 25-26, plus on top of that, her mum keeps mentioning it to her to have kids, as my girlfriend told me she needs to feel like she has a purpose in life (as all of her other siblings are growing up). Therefore, last night, she was ridiculously quiet with me.
We've both agreed to wait a while to see how things work out.
Would you believe that this is the right way to move forward?
You guys are only 21 and 20, and tbh I find it quite disturbing that she thinks kids is the only way to have a 'purpose in life', especially as she has just started a uni course to be a care worker.
You need to decide for yourself whether this is what you want, it sounds like this may be something she's stuck on.
You need to decide for yourself whether this is what you want, it sounds like this may be something she's stuck on.
Original post by *Dreaming*
You guys are only 21 and 20, and tbh I find it quite disturbing that she thinks kids is the only way to have a 'purpose in life', especially as she has just started a uni course to be a care worker.
You need to decide for yourself whether this is what you want, it sounds like this may be something she's stuck on.
You need to decide for yourself whether this is what you want, it sounds like this may be something she's stuck on.
Tad confusion there.
Her mum has wanted my girlfriend to have kids a.s.a.p. as she doesn't feel like she has a purpose otherwise. Not my girlfriend, but the mother! ;-)
Original post by Debdener
Tad confusion there.
Her mum has wanted my girlfriend to have kids a.s.a.p. as she doesn't feel like she has a purpose otherwise. Not my girlfriend, but the mother! ;-)
Her mum has wanted my girlfriend to have kids a.s.a.p. as she doesn't feel like she has a purpose otherwise. Not my girlfriend, but the mother! ;-)
ah ok. Well tbh her mum needs to butt out. Your girlfriend is only 20 years old and I don't think there are many mums that want their daughters to have babies at 20 so they have a purpose in life
It's your life, and your gfs life, not her mums. You both need to talk about what you want and where you want to be in a few years, and if that doesn't match up and neither can compromise then you have some hard decisions to make.
Yeah you both may feel different in a few years time so if it's your opinions on age to wed that is causing a 'rift' then I wouldn't worry and work on your relationship at this moment in time.
Original post by Debdener
Tad confusion there.
Her mum has wanted my girlfriend to have kids a.s.a.p. as she doesn't feel like she has a purpose otherwise. Not my girlfriend, but the mother! ;-)
Her mum has wanted my girlfriend to have kids a.s.a.p. as she doesn't feel like she has a purpose otherwise. Not my girlfriend, but the mother! ;-)
What? Bit strange of her mother to think that tbh...you've barely started your lives or careers yet why would you want kids?
Original post by Debdener
So I've been seeing this girl for nearly three years now, and most recently we have felt a change. I've been at university for the past two years, now entering my last semester, whilst she has only just started her University course (as she took a gap year).
Last night we were talking, and we both mentioned how things have changed between us over the last two months. Both of us couldn't really describe what it was that had changed, but she noted that we both had different career aspirations (I want to become a city lawyer, whilst she wants to be a care worker).
I also believe she thinks differently of me now, due to my opinion on marriage. I told her I'd love to be married one day, but it would have to be when I'm about 28-30 years old, as I didn't feel quite ready to settle down and have kids (I'm 21 at the moment, with her being 20). On top of that, I've been very lucky to see a happy marriage between my parents, but have seen relationships which are effectively 'marriages of convenience' (i.e. to protect the kids; because its less costly; because divorce is hassle etc etc). I said to my girlfriend that I wouldn't want to live in a marriage where the effort is gone, and that both individuals are undervalued by one another.
She didn't seem too happy about this, as she has always wanted to be married and have kids from the age of 25-26, plus on top of that, her mum keeps mentioning it to her to have kids, as my girlfriend told me she needs to feel like she has a purpose in life (as all of her other siblings are growing up). Therefore, last night, she was ridiculously quiet with me.
We've both agreed to wait a while to see how things work out.
Would you believe that this is the right way to move forward?
Last night we were talking, and we both mentioned how things have changed between us over the last two months. Both of us couldn't really describe what it was that had changed, but she noted that we both had different career aspirations (I want to become a city lawyer, whilst she wants to be a care worker).
I also believe she thinks differently of me now, due to my opinion on marriage. I told her I'd love to be married one day, but it would have to be when I'm about 28-30 years old, as I didn't feel quite ready to settle down and have kids (I'm 21 at the moment, with her being 20). On top of that, I've been very lucky to see a happy marriage between my parents, but have seen relationships which are effectively 'marriages of convenience' (i.e. to protect the kids; because its less costly; because divorce is hassle etc etc). I said to my girlfriend that I wouldn't want to live in a marriage where the effort is gone, and that both individuals are undervalued by one another.
She didn't seem too happy about this, as she has always wanted to be married and have kids from the age of 25-26, plus on top of that, her mum keeps mentioning it to her to have kids, as my girlfriend told me she needs to feel like she has a purpose in life (as all of her other siblings are growing up). Therefore, last night, she was ridiculously quiet with me.
We've both agreed to wait a while to see how things work out.
Would you believe that this is the right way to move forward?
I completely related to you and your girlfriend!
My boyfriend (of over 7 yrs) doesn't see the point of getting married until we own a flat in London - rather than wasting money on rent. He does want kids in the long term but not in his 20s.
My family on the otherhand all genuinely thought he was going to propose 4 years ago when we were only just 22! Every since then all I get is comments about engagements, weddings and babies! They are obsessed!
At Christmas one of my aunties looked at my Left hand and sighed loudly - due to the lack of engagement ring again!
Personally I do want kids on the younger side (under 30) but realistically the love of my other half is more important
Be honest with her - if she feels so strongly she needs to be a young mum (under 25) than she might have to decide which is more important - being a young mum or being in a happy relationship with you.
I don't really know how to go about this, but despite making plans and such for the future, things change.
Just because you and her have already devised a "plan" of getting married around a certain age doesn't mean it will necessarily happen.
People change, and within that, circumstances change too and vice versa.
Tbh, I wouldn't worry about the future so much. At least you guys are open about the idea of marriage ahead.
Just enjoy the time you have now being together
Posted from TSR Mobile
Just because you and her have already devised a "plan" of getting married around a certain age doesn't mean it will necessarily happen.
People change, and within that, circumstances change too and vice versa.
Tbh, I wouldn't worry about the future so much. At least you guys are open about the idea of marriage ahead.
Just enjoy the time you have now being together
Posted from TSR Mobile
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