Don't have the ability to speak my mind and don't have any banter

If something annoys me I can't find the ability to speak my mind, I also don't have any banter to be fair, people therefore perceive me as a boring person, how can I change myself, thanks

Reply 1

ColdWishes

Maybe you're talking to the wrong people. If you can find a group of friends with similar personalities/interests etc conversation should be easier :smile:

Reply 2

Legendairy

Get some confidence - job, relationship, degree

Reply 3

Orthonym

Do you want banter? People sometimes see me as a bit uninteresting because I don't laugh about and banter all the time. But honestly to me it feels a bit fake. Just be yourself and if you want to get to know someone better then have honest conversations with them about things you find interesting. Some people will think you are boring but that's their problem and they're missing out on you as a loyal friend. Develop yourself by trying to be more social, but don't change yourself to be what everyone else wants you to be.

Reply 4

InvalidUsername

Original post by Voltozonic

I never did the whole "banter" thing, i just thought it was immature.

You can have a laugh and a joke without it being the typical so called "banter" stuff which is basically just unpleasantness constantly excused as a joke - which if you don't agree with automatically labels you as boring. I always thought your stereotypical "banterful" conversation between a group of obviously very cool young men (cough) got very boring very quickly.

Thankfully most of my mates grew out of it following Uni and conversations with the majority just seem a lot more mature and pleasant.

I think the OP is misinterpreting the use of the word ''banter'' slightly. I think what he means is that he doesn't have very good chat when in conversations.

Reply 5

Liquid Swordsman

Original post by Voltozonic

Reply 6

User1214833

Original post by InvalidUsername

I think the OP is misinterpreting the use of the word ''banter'' slightly. I think what he means is that he doesn't have very good chat when in conversations.

Do you mean small talk OP? Small talk is basically the ability to talk rubbish for extended periods :biggrin:

Small talk really irritates me sometimes and I have social anxiety, so I often feel like I'm saying the wrong thing or mucking up. I think it's much more common than you'd think though - most people probably struggle with small talk, depending on who they're with etc.

You should try not to stress about being too quiet or not knowing what to say; focus on developing your confidence by mixing with people you have things in common with. What are your interests? There's nothing wrong with you, you just lack confidence.

Learning how to speak your mind will take time as well. You should challenge yourself in small ways by speaking your mind more with your family or people you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be too dramatic. I think this will naturally come as you develop more confidence.

Reply 7

User995789

Original post by Voltozonic

Original post by Orthonym

Most truthful comments i've ever read on tsr :biggrin:

Reply 8

InvalidUsername

Original post by qwertyking

Do you mean small talk OP? Small talk is basically the ability to talk rubbish for extended periods :biggrin:

I wouldn't even call it small talk. For example, I've got terrible small talk but have quite good chat. So I'm not very good at starting conversations unless there is something obvious to use but once I'm in a conversation I'm quite funny/interesting.

I think what the OP means is that even when other people are carrying a conversation they still can't think of anything to add to the conversation - not necessarily what would be referred to as ''banter''.

Reply 9

Orthonym

Original post by Blueray2

Most truthful comments i've ever read on tsr :biggrin:

Why, thank you ^_^

I think a lot of people think the same thing, even if they are the ones that banter. Human beans eh.

Reply 10

Bailey8

I love how everyone wrongly labels banter as the stereotypical cool 'lads' who just mess about. Banter can be assigned to so many things. Some have banter which playful, cheerful, intelligent and original, whilst others have banter which is basically narcissistic and chauvinistic, which, surprise surprise, gets all the attention and labels it badly.

I know many intelligent people who have good banter and good chat who are not cool kids and are more than capable of having intelligent conversations whilst adding a humored side to it, which, forgive me if I am wrong, is very endearing to a lot of people. (Forgive the long-winded sentence!) This whole blaming banter for what is wrong with society is nonsense. Banter has many good forms and, like much in the world today, it is the bad side that gets highlighted.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by qwertyking

Do you mean small talk OP? Small talk is basically the ability to talk rubbish for extended periods :biggrin:

I may have a moderate condition of social anxiety to, if someone say something insulting for a joke, it could have some truth to it and I will continously pick it out in my head for hours .

stfu

Original post by Anonymous

If something annoys me I can't find the ability to speak my mind, I also don't have any banter to be fair, people therefore perceive me as a boring person, how can I change myself, thanks

I've found that when I was a little awkward to talk to, what I was doing wrong when I was in a conversation with someone was agreeing too much. It's good to have a two sided discussion, you'll be respected for having your own opinion rather than being an impressionable drone.

Also, another thing that I used to do which lost me a few friends. If you're arguing with someone and you know you're right, don't make a big deal about them being wrong, the point of arguments is not to have a winner, but to ensure that at least one party comes out with more knowledge than they came in with.

As for banter, be careful with it, start off with really good friends that you know you're pretty much safe to friendly insult, then when you're pretty quick on the draw, you can start being a little more confident. But the idea is not to embarrass the person, but kind of play into a joke that they could laugh about themselves.