Shy, unconfident and introverted?

The whole confidence issue is all in your head, if anything being unconfident is worse than speaking your mind (people can tell when you have got confidence issues and it will make everything seem so much more awkward). You need to discover the source of your problem and realise what makes you introverted. I remember when I was a skinny ****er who had dry skin and I would often shy away from others because I felt I looked inferior. I started to eat properly and regularly go to the gym as a result of an epiphany I had, I realised that if I did not change my ways then I would remain a mere pawn in this world. I started talking to people at the gym, I started to chat with the girls and took them out on dates, I went to university and got good grades, most importantly I changed my perspective of life. I am 110% enjoying life a lot more now because I feel that I am in a better place, you need to reaccess your life and acknowledge where you're going wrong. Only by doing this will you be able to rectify your problems and move forward in a more confident mannerr. It's no easy, but it's definitely not impossible.

See my edited post ^^

It's Fady El-Sayed.

Also, presentations aren't that horrible, trust me! Just be prepared, and smile!! Who cares what everyone else thinks? Your presentation is going to be better than that other shy girl that was hiding behind the computer screen.

I did an assembly at my school recently. Well I only had to read out 2 paragraphs and it wasn't as scary as I anticipated

I like the sound of my own voice and when I speak I speak to be heard, as for strangers if they ignore you when you say hello just shrug the rude bastards off, the nice people will be the ones who at least try and have a conversation with you!

Just think about it, why do you care what people in public think of you? You're only gonna see them once in your life. As for in school, well that just comes down to practice I guess, there really isn't a solution, it just happens over time.

By practice I mean join clubs, meet new people. However most importantly raising your self esteem, being confident in yourself will impact on others, you have to be assertive you can't let people walk all over you. If you have an opinion or you know something is right and some idiot is trying to oppose you, stand by what you believe in but at the same time be respectful (that's something 'over confident' don't have, and how I used to be).

Speaking from experience if you surround yourself with your real friends, people who you can be yourself then it will help you be more confident. Also if someone is looking at you just smile because who cares what anyone else thinks.

When it comes to new classes though it takes me a few weeks to settle in. Like you know hand gestures, and kissing on the cheek stuff, I never do that lol, far too awkward for me
Probably bad at small talk but yeah when conversing with people I'm not familiar with, like I'll ask what they study and what they enjoy doing I suppose but after the moment I realise I have nothing in common with them the conversation dies or descends into uni talk

Grow a pair and just speak your mind, it's not that hard. You obviously have a lot to say on this site so just speak up in real life.

x

I used to be a lot more like this - I'm not exactly sure how/when I changed to become more confident. I am still not extremely extroverted or confident, but I think I had a kind of 'solid foundation' to work on. By that I mean I'm internally quite confident, have strong inner conviction and feel like I know who I am and am just generally quite accepting of myself. I think this is the case for a lot of introverted people; is it the same for you? If not, there is always time to build it. It's just a learning process. Once you decide you know who you are, it's easier to not care what people think. You've probably heard this before, but there is LITERALLY no way to make everyone like you. Just act how you want to and people will either a) love you b) accept you c) not like you - but there's no point in being friends with people who don't like you for who you are so it doesn't matter. And you can still get on with people even if they don't love you. It's very freeing once you realise this!

I think the catalysts to me becoming more likely to speak out and being less afraid of what people thought of me were having challenges that I just had to throw myself into. For example, I went on this residential open day type thing at a university with a ton of strangers my own age, and found it was actually quite easy to talk to them because they had no preconceptions of what I was like. I'd say just force yourself to talk to people a bit more - it's hard and you may have to resort to the boring 'how are you?' at first, but once the ice is broken just ask lots of questions and make random remarks in lessons and so on. Just share your thoughts a bit more. There's no easy way to do it, but just make yourself do little things like that, like contributing in class more. It will get so much easier over time and you will begin to not even think about doing it. Don't overthink things.

As for speaking on the phone, I hate that too and am literally terrible. I tend to sweat a lot out of fear? But just prepare what you're going to say and write down key points and questions. Go somewhere where you're alone and just take a deep breath and go for it. Just try to be very calm and give yourself time to think.

I'm exactly the same, really awkward in pretty much every social scenario

- Can't make small talk
- Friends often stare at the ground when with me
- Can't talk to new people
- Find it hard to adjust to new situations/classes and make new friends
- Making conversation is like a chore to me


I'm fine in class and can ask questions and explain stuff to other people, but when it comes to anything that isn't related to school or some kind of school work, I become really awkward to be around

I'm introverted, but not shy at all. I love being introverted and that makes me quite confident.

I also like people a lot, but from a distance. I now never talk to people (that includes family) unless I have to or they or I want to exchange information. It has its problems - for example people can think you are standoffish - which I'm really not, I just don't have a natural source of chattiness in my head - or some people may not want to work with you because you are too "weird" for them. But liking myself has made me mostly indifferent to these problems.

Grow a pair and just speak your mind, it's not that hard. You obviously have a lot to say on this site so just speak up in real life.

Sorry but that is an incredibly insensitive and cavalier response to make. Introversion is hardwired in to who you are, and while you can try over long periods of time to build up trustful relationships with people you are comfortable talking to, it is not something to just snap out of. Extroverts can be all 'Ooh, it's nothing, just go up and introduce yourself, stop being such a party-pooper, stop being so self-obsessed, yadayadayada,' whilst understanding nothing of the pressure the introvert is under to try and conform to this idea of society. Typing is far easier than having to try and sustain a face to face conversation.

perhaps you are lucky, but some people cant help the way they are, unless of course you can give us a detailed report about how to combat shyness

Wouldn't say Im as extreme as this

But have you asked your friends why they do that?

They don't exactly stare at the ground all the time, it's just something they do when I struggle to make conversation (which is a lot of the time )

I also don't really do that much physical contact with people (like hugging and similar stuff) and I'm just pretty introverted in general

Most of the time, I don't have much to say to people apart from the usual "How you doing", "What lessons do you have", and "What have you chosen for sixth form" which is also pretty awkward

I agree with everything you said here. I am quite a reserved and overly sensitive person, and I don't really know how to have a proper conversation with anyone that I don't feel 100% comfortable with.

It's horrible to live this way, and I know this very well, but I cannot just act like I'm extroverted and get away with it. I am an extremely insecure girl, which doesn't go well with my naturally reserved and quiet personality.

I feel like nobody understands, which makes me feel less worthy, which in turn makes my self-esteem go down. It's a never-ending cycle.

Sometimes, my friends will laugh at me in front of the class because they don't care if somebody laughs at them, since they can easily deal with it if somebody were to laugh at them. I am very sensitive, however, and cannot deal with people publicly embarrassing me. I just don't know how to respond and defend myself.

I'm sorry for this long post, but I felt like I had to get some of this out.

No problem

Im really sensitive too, I cry at everything!

Sorry but that is an incredibly insensitive and cavalier response to make. Introversion is hardwired in to who you are, and while you can try over long periods of time to build up trustful relationships with people you are comfortable talking to, it is not something to just snap out of. Extroverts can be all 'Ooh, it's nothing, just go up and introduce yourself, stop being such a party-pooper, stop being so self-obsessed, yadayadayada,' whilst understanding nothing of the pressure the introvert is under to try and conform to this idea of society. Typing is far easier than having to try and sustain a face to face conversation.

perhaps you are lucky, but some people cant help the way they are, unless of course you can give us a detailed report about how to combat shyness

The whole confidence issue is all in your head, if anything being unconfident is worse than speaking your mind (people can tell when you have got confidence issues and it will make everything seem so much more awkward). You need to discover the source of your problem and realise what makes you introverted. I remember when I was a skinny ****er who had dry skin and I would often shy away from others because I felt I looked inferior. I started to eat properly and regularly go to the gym as a result of an epiphany I had, I realised that if I did not change my ways then I would remain a mere pawn in this world. I started talking to people at the gym, I started to chat with the girls and took them out on dates, I went to university and got good grades, most importantly I changed my perspective of life. I am 110% enjoying life a lot more now because I feel that I am in a better place, you need to reaccess your life and acknowledge where you're going wrong. Only by doing this will you be able to rectify your problems and move forward in a more confident manner. It's not easy, but it's definitely not impossible.