The Student Room Group

How to trust him again?

Right. In brief - boyfriend who first, proposed, then broke up with me cus he thought he wasn't mature enough for a relationship, then proposed to me again. So now, I'm assuming we're back together, considering he proposed! He's had a knack for changing his mind but he sounds really serious this time, but I still think he's gonna change his mind...

Now, problem - I've spent the 2 months during which we broke up convincing myself how he wasn't the one and how he doesn't love me, to no avail, mind you. But now that we're back together, I have a hard time trusting him that he won't be changing his mind and I have a hard time believing I'm not gonna lose him again. So, how do I trust him again? I'm giving him another shot, but I kinda need to stop being scared of being hurt and trust him first!

Cheers x
Anonymous
Right. In brief - boyfriend who first, proposed, then broke up with me cus he thought he wasn't mature enough for a relationship, then proposed to me again. So now, I'm assuming we're back together, considering he proposed! He's had a knack for changing his mind but he sounds really serious this time, but I still think he's gonna change his mind...

Now, problem - I've spent the 2 months during which we broke up convincing myself how he wasn't the one and how he doesn't love me, to no avail, mind you. But now that we're back together, I have a hard time trusting him that he won't be changing his mind and I have a hard time believing I'm not gonna lose him again. So, how do I trust him again? I'm giving him another shot, but I kinda need to stop being scared of being hurt and trust him first!

Cheers x



Of course I don't know all the facts, but I'd say it doesn't sound like he deserves your trust. Not straight away at least.
Reply 2
If you are having this many doubts about it, should you have accepted the proposal? Can you marry a man you're this unsure of?

I'd take the whole relationship slower, you both clearly have some things you need to work through together before you decide whether you're able or willing to make that amount of commitment to each other.
Reply 3
Anonymous
Right. In brief - boyfriend who first, proposed, then broke up with me cus he thought he wasn't mature enough for a relationship, then proposed to me again. So now, I'm assuming we're back together, considering he proposed! He's had a knack for changing his mind but he sounds really serious this time, but I still think he's gonna change his mind...

Now, problem - I've spent the 2 months during which we broke up convincing myself how he wasn't the one and how he doesn't love me, to no avail, mind you. But now that we're back together, I have a hard time trusting him that he won't be changing his mind and I have a hard time believing I'm not gonna lose him again. So, how do I trust him again? I'm giving him another shot, but I kinda need to stop being scared of being hurt and trust him first!

Cheers x



considering you have given him another chance means you obviously really like him and as you are in this relationship i think you should do your part by making it work. there is not point being scared about it as it will only make you paranoid which then can mess things up.

honestly, there is no need to worry atall. the best solution would be to go with the flow.

however, if things dont work out for you then atleast you know you done your bit and it was never really meant to be.
Reply 4
Anonymous
Of course I don't know all the facts, but I'd say it doesn't sound like he deserves your trust. Not straight away at least.


Yeh it's probably true - he is a very sincere guy and he broke up with me, believe it or not, because he didn't want to mess me around. Obviously that then led to him unintentionally messing me around. I don't blame him cus he really really cares about me - but still, I can't say I'm not angry and I think I have some forgiving to do.

My sister and one of my best friends have both said it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants, although it's clear he really likes me. I am at a loss as to whether he actually wants to marry me, or if he proposed thinking he wants to marry me when in fact he's simply scared of losing me.

And I want to trust him again because, well, worrying about this is taking its toll on me :frown: Cus I mean, now we're back together - but I still feel as if I could lose him any minute - and it's not healthy because then I don't know whether to let myself believe that he's mine again. I'd get paranoid because it took him an extra day to reply to my email and last night I had 3 nightmares :frown: and when I dream it usually means I'm not sleeping well, let alone 3 nightmares! Woke up after every dream - didn't sleep well last night at all. First time it's happened, but yesterday was the day I got paranoid about the email. I mean, I got his reply the same night, but still.
Reply 5
Helenia
If you are having this many doubts about it, should you have accepted the proposal? Can you marry a man you're this unsure of?

I'd take the whole relationship slower, you both clearly have some things you need to work through together before you decide whether you're able or willing to make that amount of commitment to each other.


Yeh - I decided to take him seriously and since this is the second time I thought about marriage, this time I was far more practical. So now I have a list of practical questions we need discussing but he's in Germany atm cus it's uni hols and he's German. I've suggested to him - lets look at marriage thoroughly together and sort out issues and questions first, then a year or two later if we still wanna marry each other, we can get engaged.
Reply 6
Maybe you should just start slowly and forget anything about proposals/marriage etc etc until you know and he knows your both 100% committed to each other for the long-term no matter what.