The Student Room Group

The forced/pressurised marriage help, guidance, counselling, and awareness thread

Firstly, I'd like to say that there's a difference between an arranged marriage, and a forced marriage

An arranged marriage, is your parents deciding who you should marry, but leaving you with a choice, letting you decide if you like the person or not

A forced marriage is when you do not have a choice, and are forced in to a marriage against your wishes

Just over a year ago, I made this thread:

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2211341

And as two users pointed out (Hello!)

Original post by Craghyrax
x


Original post by Bridget Jones
x


A "megathread" about people discussing forced marriages might help people in that situation

As Bridget Jones pointed out, this thread is mainly meant for advice and guidance for any one experiencing forced marriages, or know someone or if you believe someone is being forced in to a marriage

I personally, and I'm sure Bridget Jones personally wouldn't mind people PM'ing about the issue, especially as I've helped a couple of people in the past, however where possible, it's nicer to make a post here (even if anon), to try and highlight the issue a bit more

Useful links:
https://www.gov.uk/forced-marriage

Charities:
http://www.karmanirvana.org.uk/
http://www.freedomcharity.org.uk/
http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/againstforcedmarriages/
http://www.plan-uk.org/early-and-forced-marriage/
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=0001000100130044
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-24578426
http://www.nzf.org.uk/

I hear that Karma Nirvana and womensaid are particularly good (all open to all religions/nationalities/ethnicities/genders) - with the exception perhaps of "womensaid" who cater just for women (and the NZF who cater for Muslim women)

Thanks to Origami Bullets (for the mention), the national zakat foundation "run hostels for Muslim women, including those escaping forced marriage and domestic violence"

Personally these one's really got to me, and because I'd imagine these are the more "common" forced marriage scenarios:




And please be aware, if you ARE flown to a country like Pakistan, or if someone is flown to a country like Pakistan,then all hope is not lost, as Albert David, in Islamabad, explains here:



Though this is not an issue that only affects girls of course. It also affects guys, but just (fortunately/unfortunately, depending on your viewpoint), not as often

I've also been recently in contact with the Forced Marriage Project, for a Canadian user here:

https://www.facebook.com/ForcedMarriageProject
http://www.fmp-acsa.ca/tag/forced-marriage/

So whilst other countries might not have "official" units, they do have charities willing to help

Here is also an interesting bit of advice, if any one is being flown abroad for a forced marriage:

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/08/16/spoon-underwear-forced-marriages-karma-nirvana-charity_n_3765875.html

ie: the point of that article is to have something beep at customs, and then you'd be taken to a room, where you can explain the situation, if needs be

Useful tips:

Get a PAYG phone (untraceable), with at least £20 on it

Would be better to get an older phone JUST for calling, due to it being cheap and having a longer battery life

Give SOMEONE who you trust your details ie: passport number, NI number etc...

If you do decide to leave home, report yourself to the police, instead of being "found safe and sound"



Can't think of many more atm
(edited 10 years ago)

Scroll to see replies

Original post by de_monies
Just over a year ago, I made this thread:

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2211341

And as two users pointed out (Hello!)





A "megathread" about people discussing forced marriages might help people in that situation

As nivvy pointed out, this thread is mainly meant for advice and guidance for any one experiencing forced marriages, or know someone or if you believe someone is being forced in to a marriage

I personally, and I'm sure Bridget Jones personally wouldn't mind people PM'ing about the issue, especially as I've helped a couple of people in the past, however where possible, it's nicer to make a post here (even if anon), to try and highlight the issue a bit more

Useful links:
https://www.gov.uk/forced-marriage

Charities:
http://www.karmanirvana.org.uk/
http://www.freedomcharity.org.uk/
http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/againstforcedmarriages/
http://www.plan-uk.org/early-and-forced-marriage/
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=0001000 100130044

I hear that Karma Nirvana and womensaid are particularly good (all open to all religions/nationalities/ethnicities)

Personally these one's really got to me, and because I'd imagine these are the more "common" forced marriage scenarios:

[video="youtube;pnRmkelgAjk"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnRmkelgAjk[/video]


Though this is not an issue that only affects girls of course. It also affects guys, but not as often

I've also been recently in contact with the Forced Marriage Project, for a Canadian user here:

https://www.facebook.com/ForcedMarriageProject
http://www.fmp-acsa.ca/tag/forced-marriage/

So whilst other countries might not have "official" units, they do have charities willing to help

Here is also an interesting bit of advice, if any one is being flown abroad for a forced marriage:

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/08/16/spoon-underwear-forced-marriages-karma-nirvana-charity_n_3765875.html

ie: the point of that article is to have something beep at customs, and then you'd be taken to a room, where you can explain the situation, if needs be


So good! You have outdone what I could have done! :clap2:
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 2
Original post by nivvy21
So good! You have outdone what I could have done! :clap2:


Thanks :smile: I hope users find this information useful, and are willing to post any issues they have here
This is great!
:bump:
Original post by StarvingAutist
This is great!
:bump:


Its not controversial enough :rolleyes:

It was posted two hours ago, if it was one of mine, I would have gotten a response within minutes

Disclaimer: Im being sarcastic and this is not meant to offend anyone
Reply 5
you should check out Sameem Ali
Amazing thread, people should understand forced marriage is not even allowed in religions such as Islam.
Awesome thread :smile: Will help out


Original post by Selgomez11
Amazing thread, people should understand forced marriage is not even allowed in religions such as Islam.


Original post by Tyrion_Lannister
Awesome thread :smile: Will help out


Thanks for the support guys, it's safe to say it's needed :colonhash:

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Tyrion_Lannister
Awesome thread :smile: Will help out



Original post by Selgomez11
Amazing thread, people should understand forced marriage is not even allowed in religions such as Islam.



Original post by chocolatesauce
you should check out Sameem Ali





Thank you guys! :h:

We really appreciate it!
Reply 11
SuprisEd you haven't been pos rep'd for your post OP. I've always wanted of help those who find themselves in forced marriages, in some way. I think the uncomfortable and perhaps most common form of forced marriage is when parents just use pressure and almost coercion to make marriages happen. And effectively create an ultimatum where you either severe ties with family or obey the .

Example scenario 1: male 25 year old is not married yet...parents say they want him to marry soon, he doesn't want to. Parents disown him

Scenario 2. Female 24 yr old has found a decent man but parents do not like that he is Pakistani, not bengali. So they force her to terminate that relationship

Scenario 3... Male 24, gay. Parents wants to pressure him into a marriage to a female anyway.



Basically there are just so many situations where there really is no choice other than leaving your family. It's a shame that so many, in particular, asian parents who hold such twisted views and would be prepared to do anything to maintain community respect.
de_monies
x


Can we not sticky this thread?
Original post by chocolatesauce
you should check out Sameem Ali


Oh wow, just read this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/lancashire/hi/tv_and_radio/newsid_8984000/8984304.stm

I think it's great at least that the issue is being highlighted, as even in schools, people now know who to turn to, but I made this thread, because often people don't want to turn to people, but remain entirely anonymous

And it's not only Asian people as well ie: I was talking to someone here, and they had signs around their school, about forced marriage, despite being almost entirely White - there were apparently a lot of strict Mormons, so take that as you will
Can't imagine being forced to marry someone against my will, that would be awful.
Reply 15
Well i know how to say no so this kinda of crap will never ever aver spring on me
Original post by Plantagenet Crown
Can't imagine being forced to marry someone against my will, that would be awful.


I know right and a lot of people feel they have to go through with it, due to tradition or culture, which is why we are promoting this thread! To raise awareness and assure those that are in this situation that there are a lot of resources and help out there!
Original post by de_monies
Oh wow, just read this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/lancashire/hi/tv_and_radio/newsid_8984000/8984304.stm

I think it's great at least that the issue is being highlighted, as even in schools, people now know who to turn to, but I made this thread, because often people don't want to turn to people, but remain entirely anonymous

And it's not only Asian people as well ie: I was talking to someone here, and they had signs around their school, about forced marriage, despite being almost entirely White - there were apparently a lot of strict Mormons, so take that as you will

I read her book called 'belonging' and it was absolutely unacceptable how she was treated, if stuff like this is still going on then we need to some how stop or help the 'victim' and the thing is many girls wont be as brave as her and I was wondering if its the same for boys?
Repped, GJ on the thread bro.
I feel sad that these things are still happening in the UK. Hopefully, forced marriages would disappear after one or two more generations.

Quick Reply