Parents influencing my life

Invictus1991

To cut things short, every time I have a crucial job interview coming up, my parents do the best they can to prevent me from working and preparing for the interview. I have an interview on Monday for example, and it's been decided for me that I'm going on a full-day excursion today and tomorrow.

"Don't be stressed about your interview, why are you stressing so much?"
Because you won't let me prepare. Is it too much to ask to be left alone to work at 23 years old? I've also got no privacy, people just come and go from my room. I literally just came out the shower, and I had to change whilst my mum was in my room.

Reply 1

Dan.E

I'd say your parents don't want to see their little kid whose happy to do anything with them grow up...

This might sound bold but you're going to have to just remind them that you're 23 and need some privacy and can't put your own life on hold, but maybe agree to do things with them still when you're not busy doing your own stuff.

Reply 2

Invictus1991

Original post by Dan.E

The same thing happens during exam time. Daily activities, and I'm free to start working after 10pm. Interestingly enough, my best performance in exams has been when I refused to go home during study break.

"Go to bed at 10pm, I'm coming into your room to see if you're sleeping"
I say no all the time, and it's just an endless battle which I always lose.

Reply 3

Invictus1991

Any more thoughts/words of advice?

Reply 4

username418231

What kind of jobs are you applying for? Maybe they don't like the jobs you are applying for?

Reply 5

username418231

They are being unreasonable and treating you like a child, and that is not right at all.

Reply 6

Katie_p

Don't live with them then?!
Yes, you're 23, they should treat you like an adult. But if they're not, it's your repsonsibility to move out. Especially if you are not paying them equivalent rent to what you'd pay elsewhere.

Reply 7

andrew2209

Original post by Katie_p

With what money exactly?

Reply 8

Katie_p

Original post by andrew2209

With what money exactly?

As OP's 23, I'm assuming he's a graduate. So he will be eligible for JSA if he isn't working at all, and if he's working but this interview is to change jobs, he should use his income to move out.

Reply 9

may348

Why do they have to "let" you do anything? You're an adult. You don't have to answer to them. I would move out though, if I were you.

Reply 10

Dan.E

Original post by Invictus1991

Any more thoughts/words of advice?

Dee Leigh is right it's unreasonable and I feel sorry for you.

Like I said you are just going to have to confront them about it as perhaps they think you don't mind everything that they are doing.

Tell them something along the lines of 'you are no longer a little kid and are now an adult who sometimes needs a bit of personal time/privacy and is trying to start his life on the best possible track and to do so needs to prepare for crucial interviews, although you're happy to spend time with them when you are free and can afford to do so.'

Hope it helps.

Reply 11

Invictus1991

I'm actually living in the UK (Graduate), and I come home from time to time. But even going home from time to time is a nightmare. I'm applying for top positions at various law firms. I guess they don't want me to get the job, as that would entail working in the UK, they want me to work in Belgium.

Honestly though, I get comments along the lines of prepare for an interview in 20 minutes, or I'm disorganised because I stress out the day before an interview because I haven't been allowed to work on the previous days.

I constantly tell them to leave me alone and to let me focus on my own priorities. I should never mention anything when I get interviews...

Reply 12

Invictus1991

Now that I'm going back to the UK tomorrow, my mum has already planned she's coming to see me in 2 weeks.
How can I be independent or even make the most out of this year when I constantly have to see my parents 2/3 times per month???

Reply 13

Inazuma

Original post by Invictus1991

Have you tried just saying 'NO'?

Reply 14

Invictus1991

Original post by marinaim

Have you tried just saying 'NO'?

Yes, many times, but she always insists. My opinion has no value whatsoever.

Reply 15

Inazuma

Original post by Invictus1991

Yes, many times, but she always insists. My opinion has no value whatsoever.

Can't you just refuse in that case? ie the excursions, just don't go. You are a person, you have autonomy :redface:

Reply 16

Invictus1991

Original post by marinaim

Can't you just refuse in that case? ie the excursions, just don't go. You are a person, you have autonomy :redface:

I always get blackmailed into going. "If you don't go on the excursion, we'll stop paying for your studies".

Reply 17

Invictus1991

I was also asked to miss a whole week of class just to be able to spend more time with my parents, this is getting ridiculous. And it's having an impact on my studies and career.