help from shy people: making friends as quiet person

Well I will be starting uni soon and want to make friends

Right now in sixth form I have no true friends and will be completely alone at uni and don't know anyo
Question is because i'm shy and quiet sometimes. ..I want to know how to make friends

I have seen so many quiet people that make so many friends easily.. how do you do it
Would prefer advice from quiet people

What makes you blikeable
I would like worthy advice and not just telling me to be myself please

I'm introvert and not looking to be very loud

Or loud people.. why do you talk to quiet peopl

I am nice caring person and don't judge
But find difficult interacting with people because they end up thinking i'm weird when I laugh and make jokes
I'm never fake
Thank you for helping
:colondollar:

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Reply 1

Robbie242

I got good at my subject and then suddenly people came up to me and asked me for help with their maths homework

not really making friends though, just a bunch of people using me for maths :colondollar:

Reply 2

Abstraction

Nice to meet another introvert. I'm exactly llke you and was asking myself the very same questions before I came to uni. Tried keeping my door open (live in halls), speaking to whoever I could but the result was inevitable really - I don't have any real friends here at uni apart from a small group of about 4 I usually hang out with. We aren't close at all. Don't listen to all that "b yourself" or "join societies" rubbish that those who usually find social interaction so easy will come here telling you. Society doesn't care for individuality, not truly. I guess you just have to hope to be lucky enough to sort of fall into a group, and that's the best answer you're going to get. Its not very easy for a teetotaler (assuming you don't drink?) introvert to make real friends at uni. Good luck anyway :smile:

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Yeah abstraction thanks for your inputwhat you said is true and quiet sad.

But I do kNow there is a certain way quiet people behave that make people speak to them

I'm quiet and introverted and of have trouble having to balance being quiet and loud

When you loud and happy, people put you down

When you quiet, some people don't bother

Reply 4

MidnightDream

I'm quite shy and quiet before I get to know somebody and then I transform :smile:

there isn't a specific reason why I talk to quiet or loud people if I like somebody I will talk to them :smile:

Reply 5

Abstraction

Original post by Anonymous

You're right its not impossible for a quiet person to get some attention. But someone will probably say something to you only when you're in close proximity in order to not appear rude or to get rid of awkwardness. If you do well enough you can entertain them and possibly start some kind of a friendship but I'm not very good at that, I usually don't know what to say and I find what most people discuss to be quite mundane.

Sorry to hear that btw, do people put you down when you try to speak? I really don't know what can be done about that, I guess people will be people. You can PM me if you want to chat about this more, having someone to chat to about this could help :smile:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

yes you are like me, i dont know how to get to the chatty stage
i know i can be chatty with people like my friends but idk how i even made friends trust me im not good at it
and have no idea what to do.
i do not want to be alone because i like joking and stuff and having witty conversations but just ggetting to know people is hard for me

Reply 7

Abstraction

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah, don't let my post make you feel hopeless about getting a friend at university. You probably will meet someone, but its just not easy (from personal experience anyway..) to take things further. Like I said, you can PM if you feel you'd like someone to chat to about this :smile:

Life can get lonely haha

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Abstraction

Life can get lonely haha

ahh yes thanks but i really wanna keep this anonymous

im not an extrovert and by creating this thread i let out my true feelings about things i wouldnt mention to people unless they ask me

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by MidnightDream

I'm quite shy and quiet before I get to know somebody and then I transform :smile:

there isn't a specific reason why I talk to quiet or loud people if I like somebody I will talk to them :smile:

how do you do this

Reply 10

MidnightDream

Original post by Anonymous

how do you do this

I not entirely sure, I think it's just the type of person I am because I'm quite a bubbly person anyway, I think I've just learned to let myself go and not be so caught up in being perfect to make friends but just being me instead :smile:

Reply 11

cole-slaw

Original post by Anonymous

Are you M or F?

I have some very shy friends, who you would think might find it hard to make friends, but he has enough interests that he is able to use them to make friends.

I find that most british males bond over shared interests + small amounts of beer.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by cole-slaw

female...

Reply 13

LondonB

I'm the same and face the same problems all the time...I started uni last year and here's my advice: put yourself out there(never say no to an invite, going out etc). Find common ground with people. A good old moan about something which is what i often revert to when conversation is dry or to bond with people.

What I will say when you start on freshers week you'll meet loads of people but don't think the people you meet on freshers will be who you end up spending time with (every person I met on freshers I haven't talked to since)

Also university will be great for your confidence, it may put you in situations you're not confutable with helping you become less introverted. I know it's done me the world of good.

Loads of people are in the same boat and it's generally a friendly atmosphere upon starting as everyone wants to met new people.

Ps alcohol helps big time

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Reply 14

nocoolusername

OP i am in the same situation. My friends always ask why i am quiet.
I am now making a consious effort to talk more when i am with my group of friends and i am slightly more talkitive. Now i just have to try doing that with new people in the college. I will do it in two weeks time. :smile:

. Just do it OP. Of course you will feel nervous and weird talking at first and there will be many aqkward silences but at least you are making an effort. Good luck.

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Reply 15

cole-slaw

Original post by Anonymous

Find people with similar interests to do and do that activity with them. Simple.

Reply 16

ninja_dragon

Original post by Robbie242

That's really sad. :frown:

I know how you feel, last time that happened to me I got a little crazy, and started yelling at them for being stupid and copying my work, :mad:

I was soooooo embarrassed afterwards and said hardly anything the rest of the day.

Reply 17

Procrastinator13

I am what you would call an introvert, social events exhaust me and I find that i have to go on long walks to refresh myself.

I have always been quite reserved and quite private, I am naturally a thinker and therefore don't talk as much people assume I'm shy when I'm actually thinking about other things. However for a short period of time I was actually shy i used to go red when someone spoke to me and i just wanted to hide away, I would sometimes stutter and i actually forgot how to interact with humans.

I have overcome that now, I think in order to overcome your shyness you must first embrace it and come to terms with it, ask yourself these questions; why are you shy? Is there really a need to be shy? I found It hard to take part in activities in high school because I was soo shy I was tired of seeing people getting things and achieving things while I sat there all shy.

In order to overcome shyness you need to get out of your comfort zone you also need to realise that your shyness is temporary and that you can overcome it and asking for advice is the first step to overcoming it.

I have found that taking a deep breath before approaching someone helps a lot, smiling always helps.

Good luck :smile:

Edit: woah that's gotten quite long! If you need anymore advice feel free to ask

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(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 18

damnation

Original post by Anonymous

There's not much you can do-but some really useful tips are sit right at the front of the class, don't feel awkward sitting right next to strangers (people have this thing where they sit two seats away from someone they don't know, but even if you don't talk just being near them shows youre not intimidated), don't cross your arms or avoid eye contact or edge away from people.. even if you stay quiet and don't interact body language showing you are part of their community and aren't bothered by social barriers will make it much easier for them to talk to you. I always just ask random questions like if i can borrow a pen or if theres something i don't understand. Even if youre not friends it's easy to get onto talking terms with random people when youre shy :smile:

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

yeah its not that im shy its that im quiet- which in this context is the same thing
i can talk to people but if they address me
and it doesnt get past a hello