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Reply 80
Buy growth hormone.
You don't hate females, you hate yourself. Start dealing with the real cause of the problem.
Original post by NathanW18
I'm laughing at the people that say height doesn't matter. The OP is not just a little below average. He is extremely below average. Most women are taller than him. The vast majority don't want to date a shorter guy. He is also unattractive. He's been dealt a very bad hand. A guy like this will find it hard to build confidence. You gain that from positive experiences. Being a 27 year old guy and having no experience, while also having the negatives that he does is going to make things extremely difficult.

You also have to take into consideration his own standards. He is going to want to date somebody that he's attracted to. It's not as if he will want to date any woman that decides that she likes him or will settle for him. Unless he becomes desperate enough in the future. I guess that could happen. There are guys that have deformities and other awful things that have gotten into relationships. That's great, but it doesn't mean that it's a simple task and do-able for everybody.

Also, posting about short celebrities being successful is stupid. They have social status, money and confidence. When you have all of these things, your appearances means far less. Regular guys don't follow the same rules as a guy in the public eye.


I don't think anybody has said height doesn't matter. They've just said that it's not impossible to find a gf if you're short. It might be more difficult but it's certainly possible. Do you think no man who is 5ft and not a celebrity has ever had sex or got a gf in the world ever? I'm pretty sure you'd be wrong.

So, we acknowledge that his height/appearance may narrow down his options, but that it doesn't narrow them down to 0. And since he can't do anything about his height, he's better off trying to change the things that ARE within his power to change, such as his extremely low self-esteem and negative attitude towards women and life in general, which in fairness, are probably even more limiting than his height.

And anybody who would rather repeatedly tell some despairing guy that he has no chance, rather than point out things he can do to improve his chances (ie. you and bassett on this thread), come across as having pretty big problems of your own.
Original post by johnsonn
Title says it...

Being single is just a normal part of life, just as much as having no self esteem and no self worth, just as much as no girl wanting to kiss you, touch you, or spend time with you...

That to me is life, just deal with it. that's normal, everyone has to put up with ****, this is my ****...

No matter who you go to for help, they always have an opinion. That opinion seams so fake unreal, and almost so offensive because it come from someone who has been fulfilled sexually, emotionally, at least had some sort of embrace of passion.

I used to love hanging out with girls I was raised by so many of them, now. It puts me on edge to be around them unless I'm inebriated in one sense or another. When I can feel free.

Otherwise I hate they way I feel around them, it puts me on edge I feel like I have to constantly be on guard like I'm a business selling its only product and it's either sink or swim... It seams so trivial to you though. What I hate most about me is why is passion embedded so deep in me. I wish I could cut it out get rid of it and live a normal life, but my head is programmed to think this way.

I'm meant to be a man yet I can't go out and get the one thing that my brain is craving, that my hormones crave, that my DNA is telling me to get... I have to suppress all that. It makes me feel like I'm in child in a sea of men, I have no chance. Which makes me feel undesired, unneeded, unwanted, a failure.

I could wait till I get older 30's get a steady job after my degree get a girlfriend, but there this voice in my head saying why couldn't I get a girl 5 yeas ago? is it because they could of done better then? Looks where better then, everyone looks better when they are younger, Is it because they where with guys better looking that me? I feel like I'm gonna be someone who just get left with the leftovers (It sounds vile to talk about a woman like that, I know but its the twisted way my brain thinks) You hear it, I deal with it. I wish I could cut sex/lust/passion/attraction/love out of my brain.

I hate the fact everyone can be so open about it, can run around and have sex so casually it feels like real star-crossed love is dead. But I can not comment. I don't know what love is. And at 27 this scares me the most as much as I don't think I can love properly. I have bad Anxiety, Panic Attacks and Night terrors which I'm almost 99% sure is due to being alone.

I have not been myself for such a long time I don't know what being myself feels like. I have been dead for a while, for so long I feel like I'm not real, because I'm not who I was. I haven't been who i was for 10 years.

I'm not depressed, I'm alone emotionally, physically and sexually. No pill that the doctor tries to prescribe me can fix that.

You really think that getting out more, socializing fixes this? Would socializing fix that fact I'm 5.0ft and unattractive? This feeling been there ever since my hormones switched on forcing me to feel something I can't express. I don't want to end up being one of them 60 year old desperate guy in Thailand going after young girls, I would rather slit my wrists but I feel that's the way I'm going. No one plans to be a drug addict, but bad **** just happens.

My friends don't know this, I am not gonna tell them, they can not replicate or synthesize this feeling. I'm always the one to listen to them and sympathize and be happy, to have fun with. I Would not want them to hear this about me.

I don't know what to do. short, fat and ugly a failure as a man. I couldn't pull a skinny girl in a tug of war, let alone get one to kiss me.

What should I do?

Apart from get a cat....


OMG babes, what's wrong?

I'm sure you can get a nice girl to give you a kiss. Just try working on ya confidence and being yourself. The only thing that turns me off in a guy is lack of confidence otherwise everything else is worth working with.
I don't know if this is any help but I'm only 5 foot and overweight and still managed to have a few boyfriends. It's confidence that counts more and just for the record, I would date a 5 ft guy :biggrin:
Original post by Lamptastic
Why does the girl have to be skinny? :unimpressed:
You have been dealt a poor hand of cards to play with but the most damaging is your lack of self-worth. I found I gained the most confidence whilst working and volunteering so get yourself out there and put yourself in situations where you speak to people, different people-daily.

You mentioned that you find it difficult to be around women generally, see how you get on with them as friends first. You never know, a friendship can blossom into something more...

Your appearance can be improved, lose weight, get fitter and healthier and put a smile on your face. You aren't blessed in height and you can't change that, you can however work on the others things.


Can you blame him? It's not like he woke up one day and said "you know what, I'm gonna try and have low self-worth today, I'll see how that goes!". Years and years of rejection and ignorance by 99% of society has put him where he is, and I can fully empathise. Maybe you can't since you've had the luxury of love and a relationship, but there are certainly those who don't. Its hard to even look women in the eye after spending your life being told you're inferior by them. If after 27 years no girl even wants to be near the OP, where will he get the motivation to be "getting fitter" and whatever. He'll probably do that and remain in the same position as he is now, which will make him feel even worse. I get that you're trying to make him feel better, but I think you need to empathise with him more.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Arturo Bandini
I don't think anybody has said height doesn't matter. They've just said that it's not impossible to find a gf if you're short. It might be more difficult but it's certainly possible. Do you think no man who is 5ft and not a celebrity has ever had sex or got a gf in the world ever? I'm pretty sure you'd be wrong.

So, we acknowledge that his height/appearance may narrow down his options, but that it doesn't narrow them down to 0. And since he can't do anything about his height, he's better off trying to change the things that ARE within his power to change, such as his extremely low self-esteem and negative attitude towards women and life in general, which in fairness, are probably even more limiting than his height.

And anybody who would rather repeatedly tell some despairing guy that he has no chance, rather than point out things he can do to improve his chances (ie. you and bassett on this thread), come across as having pretty big problems of your own.

I will never say that a guy who is short will never be able to have sex or get a gf. I'm just saying that it's far harder for him. I don't see why that is seen as a bad thing? At his age and with his other issues, I'm just being realistic. He asked for people to post like that.

I agree with that. All I have said is, is that it's difficult for an older man to gain confidence and self esteem. You're so far behind everybody else and it's hard to change that. It's gotten to the point where it's strange to have had no experience and that puts others off. People make it sound like getting confidence is easy. It's not. It's hard for men that have never been in this position to see how impossible it looks at times.

I never said he has no chance. I said his chances are limited and he needs to begin changing straight away. I told him to seek out therapy and medication. I think I offered better and more realistic advice than the majority did in this thread. Our problems are irrelevant to this thread. Saying everything is fine and will work out is not helpful. I won't post things that aren't genuine.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by SaucySarah
OMG babes, what's wrong?

I'm sure you can get a nice girl to give you a kiss. Just try working on ya confidence and being yourself. The only thing that turns me off in a guy is lack of confidence otherwise everything else is worth working with.


Being yourself has lost all its meaning in today's society. The cold truth is people are not encouraged to "be themselves" if it doesn't fit society's rules and standards. These days people think all that glitters is gold. "Being yourself" simply has not worked for some people and its sad. I'm not attacking you here, but your advice is quite redundant....you've even admitted that any guy who doesn't show you "confidence" immediately turns you off; you barely give a lot of very good guys a chance. And sadly, this is the case with most women.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Abstraction
Being yourself has lost all its meaning in today's society. The cold truth is people are not encouraged to "be themselves" if it doesn't fit society's rules and standards: "all that glitters is gold". "Being yourself" simply not worked for some people and its sad. I'm not attacking you here, but your advice is quite redundant....you've even admitted that any guy who doesn't show you "confidence" immediately turns you off; you barely give a lot of very good guys a chance. And sadly, this is the case with most women.


Thats not true, being yourself isn't redundant and you don't have to fit the typical mould. A unique and quirky individual is super attractive. Confidence is key, I once met a guy who was interested in IT infrastructure(what ever that is) but more than anything his confidence and passion made him overwhelming attractive.
Reply 89
Original post by PizzaCrusts
I would get limb lengthening surgery and elevator shoes if I was you.


Or just really rich
Reply 90
Original post by shahbaz
Buy growth hormone.


And get acromegaly... won't help the looks much, won't help the height...
Original post by johnsonn
Title says it...

Being single is just a normal part of life, just as much as having no self esteem and no self worth, just as much as no girl wanting to kiss you, touch you, or spend time with you...

That to me is life, just deal with it. that's normal, everyone has to put up with ****, this is my ****...

No matter who you go to for help, they always have an opinion. That opinion seams so fake unreal, and almost so offensive because it come from someone who has been fulfilled sexually, emotionally, at least had some sort of embrace of passion.

I used to love hanging out with girls I was raised by so many of them, now. It puts me on edge to be around them unless I'm inebriated in one sense or another. When I can feel free.

Otherwise I hate they way I feel around them, it puts me on edge I feel like I have to constantly be on guard like I'm a business selling its only product and it's either sink or swim... It seams so trivial to you though. What I hate most about me is why is passion embedded so deep in me. I wish I could cut it out get rid of it and live a normal life, but my head is programmed to think this way.

I'm meant to be a man yet I can't go out and get the one thing that my brain is craving, that my hormones crave, that my DNA is telling me to get... I have to suppress all that. It makes me feel like I'm in child in a sea of men, I have no chance. Which makes me feel undesired, unneeded, unwanted, a failure.

I could wait till I get older 30's get a steady job after my degree get a girlfriend, but there this voice in my head saying why couldn't I get a girl 5 yeas ago? is it because they could of done better then? Looks where better then, everyone looks better when they are younger, Is it because they where with guys better looking that me? I feel like I'm gonna be someone who just get left with the leftovers (It sounds vile to talk about a woman like that, I know but its the twisted way my brain thinks) You hear it, I deal with it. I wish I could cut sex/lust/passion/attraction/love out of my brain.

I hate the fact everyone can be so open about it, can run around and have sex so casually it feels like real star-crossed love is dead. But I can not comment. I don't know what love is. And at 27 this scares me the most as much as I don't think I can love properly. I have bad Anxiety, Panic Attacks and Night terrors which I'm almost 99% sure is due to being alone.

I have not been myself for such a long time I don't know what being myself feels like. I have been dead for a while, for so long I feel like I'm not real, because I'm not who I was. I haven't been who i was for 10 years.

I'm not depressed, I'm alone emotionally, physically and sexually. No pill that the doctor tries to prescribe me can fix that.

You really think that getting out more, socializing fixes this? Would socializing fix that fact I'm 5.0ft and unattractive? This feeling been there ever since my hormones switched on forcing me to feel something I can't express. I don't want to end up being one of them 60 year old desperate guy in Thailand going after young girls, I would rather slit my wrists but I feel that's the way I'm going. No one plans to be a drug addict, but bad **** just happens.

My friends don't know this, I am not gonna tell them, they can not replicate or synthesize this feeling. I'm always the one to listen to them and sympathize and be happy, to have fun with. I Would not want them to hear this about me.

I don't know what to do. short, fat and ugly a failure as a man. I couldn't pull a skinny girl in a tug of war, let alone get one to kiss me.

What should I do?

Apart from get a cat....


The majority of people suck OP, but know that you aren't alone. There are communities of people like you, and I think finding one helps. I can PM you the website of one if you want.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by SaucySarah
Thats not true, being yourself isn't redundant and you don't have to fit the typical mould. A unique and quirky individual is super attractive. Confidence is key, I once met a guy who was interested in IT infrastructure(what ever that is) but more than anything his confidence and passion made him overwhelming attractive.

Confidence is not easy to come by. Being yourself is redundant when your own personality has failed to get you into a relationship. It's only decent advice when the person is confident and a likeable person.

I don't understand why everybody thinks confidence is so easy to obtain. How do you work on that as an older experienced man? Maybe I just don't understand it from the other point of view. It's so easy for others, but very difficult for a minority.
Original post by NathanW18
Confidence is not easy to come by. Being yourself is redundant when your own personality has failed to get you into a relationship. It's only decent advice when the person is confident and a likeable person.

I don't understand why everybody thinks confidence is so easy to obtain. How do you work on that as an older experienced man? Maybe I just don't understand it from the other point of view. It's so easy for others, but very difficult for a minority.


Therapy
Original post by NathanW18
Confidence is not easy to come by. Being yourself is redundant when your own personality has failed to get you into a relationship. It's only decent advice when the person is confident and a likeable person.

I don't understand why everybody thinks confidence is so easy to obtain. How do you work on that as an older experienced man? Maybe I just don't understand it from the other point of view. It's so easy for others, but very difficult for a minority.


Body language may be the single biggest factor most men don't work on! Bad posture is a killer along with lots of other little suggestive things. It's all in the details.

That slightly deeper and slower voice.
That moment extra eye contact.
Not being afraid of non sexual physical contact.

all these things make a huge difference.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by NathanW18
Pretty much this.

OP, as someone that's going through similar experiences to you (only 3 years younger), I understand how annoying it can be when people offer their 'advice'. They have no idea what it's like to be an older inexperienced man. Nothing they say is useful. It is hard to expect someone that hasn't gone through the same to offer good advice. They just can't understand it from your point of view.

You talk about waiting until you're 30. Nothing is going to change when you're 30. It will just get worse. Saying that it will happen in a few years is just ignoring the problems and hoping for some kind of miracle. I did the exact same thing and I'm still in the same position. That **** doesn't happen for men. You can't sit around and wait for someone to approach you. Nobody is going to do it.

You're off to a very bad start and need to begin changing as soon as possible. You have being unattractive and short that holds you back. You have to make up for that somehow. The, "be confident" advice is bull****. You need to experience some kind of external validation to become confident. This can be very hard to get when you're older. Most get it in their teens or early 20's at the latest. There are also men that will just never get into a relationship. If you haven't at this age, you're less likely to do so in the future. I'm heading the exact same way.

Putting yourself out there is the only way that you can start to begin attaining some confidence. Much harder to do when you're suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. You should be looking to fix these first. Getting a girlfriend won't make them magically disappear. Your OP sounds very anti-meds, but they do help. If you don't want to try meds, you should at least seek out therapy.


It doesn't take a miracle to re-frame your thought processes. However it does take commitment to unlearn years of negative self-talk. The OP has poor emotional reasoning, it's obvious, none of his perceived problems are insurmountable (he hasnt had a girlfriend, he's a bit short and average looking? So what?) yet he talks about himself as if he is a complete waste of space. That is NOT rational and I don't particularly think you agreeing with that assessment of his situation is helpful.

Yes external validation is partly how confidence is gained but in order to even acknowledge it sometimes your mindset needs to be right. In other words, when you are depressed one's mind becomes a negative filter and the OP will ignore external positive validation.

Working out, getting a girlfriend etc will be unlikely to make him happy unless he works on his core self worth by changing his self talk and understanding how he relates to others. That is what makes you a 'man' or a 'woman' , knowing that you are ok, will be ok no matter what tragedy or change happens in your life and that you want to ensure others are ok.
Me, I'm 22 male virgin, anxioas as fuxck
Original post by Arturo Bandini
Therapy

Therapy is good, but does not work for everybody. I have already told the OP to sign up for therapy. Hopefully it's able to help him.

Original post by SaucySarah
Body language may be the single biggest factor most men don't work on! Bad posture is a killer along with lots of other little suggestive things. It's all in the details.

That slightly deeper and slower voice.
That moment extra eye contact.
Not being afraid of non sexual physical contact.

all these things make a huge difference.

I don't know about bad posture. I have never heard of this being a major problem for people, but I'll take your word on this. I will read up on it. You can't deepen your own voice, but slowing it down is likely possible with practice. The other two can be worked on. Thanks.

Original post by Toaster Leavings
It doesn't take a miracle to re-frame your thought processes. However it does take commitment to unlearn years of negative self-talk. The OP has poor emotional reasoning, it's obvious, none of his perceived problems are insurmountable (he hasnt had a girlfriend, he's a bit short and average looking? So what?) yet he talks about himself as if he is a complete waste of space. That is NOT rational and I don't particularly think you agreeing with that assessment of his situation is helpful.

Yes external validation is partly how confidence is gained but in order to even acknowledge it sometimes your mindset needs to be right. In other words, when you are depressed one's mind becomes a negative filter and the OP will ignore external positive validation.

Working out, getting a girlfriend etc will be unlikely to make him happy unless he works on his core self worth by changing his self talk and understanding how he relates to others. That is what makes you a 'man' or a 'woman' , knowing that you are ok, will be ok no matter what tragedy or change happens in your life and that you want to ensure others are ok.

It doesn't, but it's very difficult. I don't think his reasoning is poor. If you reach 27 and are still inexperienced, something is wrong here. He has problems and he has to fix them to have a chance. It gets tougher the older you get. This is why I have said that basic advice that you would give to a 16 year old is not going to cut it. If he said he was a waste of space, I didn't see it. I also haven't agreed to that. I said it will be difficult for him and he has to begin changing straight away. I see nothing wrong with that statement.

Possibly true. This is where therapy could help him. Positive validating from others can still be tough to come by. It's not impossible, but I think he's in a bad situation right now. The possibility of change is there.

I partly agree. I think by gaining validation and getting a girlfriend, it will gain him some confidence. He still has to work on his anxiety and panic attacks, but actually getting someone to want to date you is a major confidence booster. It won't fix everything, but it's far better than where he is now.
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 98
Your user name is 'Killed ur Mum' and what's with your spelling?. I want you to be single at the moment.
Reply 99
Original post by NathanW18
Confidence is not easy to come by. Being yourself is redundant when your own personality has failed to get you into a relationship. It's only decent advice when the person is confident and a likeable person.

I don't understand why everybody thinks confidence is so easy to obtain. How do you work on that as an older experienced man? Maybe I just don't understand it from the other point of view. It's so easy for others, but very difficult for a minority.


Don't think anyone said confidence is easy to obtain. Just because it's difficult to.build doesn't mean the OP shouldn't try. For example being fat was a complaint of his and it's well within his power to change that. Wallowing in self pity or trying to validate insecurity/negativity is not productive ever and that's why people are giving him this kind of advice. People should only focus on the things that are in their power to change.

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