The next step - sex! . .

Reply 80

username94219

OP

20

Original post by imconfused

omg no! So he didn't do anything???? Was he at least upset? heartbroken?

No idea!

......

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Reply 81

username94219

OP

20

Original post by cole-slaw

I don't think its the "new thing" as much as the "always has been" thing. Most people have sex and THEN start dating, not the other way round.

I must be old fashioned as I was always under the assumption sex took place AFTER a relationship started?? :confused:

....hence why I'm a lil confused by the whole situation I'm in!!

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Reply 82

BurstingBubbles

Life & Style Forum Helper

20

Original post by DancinBallerina

Been dating someone for about 3-4 weeks. Dates have been really good and fun. Guy and I had ''the chat'' last night; he's looking to move things forward....sex, but does not want the whole relationship tag just yet! He said he wants to see if there is a connection in the bedroom....before things start to get serious and etc, avoiding the emotional upset and etc should things not work out! He did however say that I am not to start behaving like we're in a relationship if and when we do sleep together!

Now either I am old fashioned, or things have changed, but is having sex the new thing to do whilst dating before progressing things??? I am really confused, baffled and quite frankly I do not know what to do? He has been really blunt and honest with me, which I appreciate and respect him for, and he has said should I not be ready, he'll be disappointed but will respect my wishes until I am ready.

TSR, what the heck do I do???? . . :confused:

I would definitely wait - sounds like he's stringing you along. Don't let him use you.

But obviously if you want to have sex, go for it :tongue:

Reply 83

username94219

OP

20

Original post by bubble999

I would definitely wait - sounds like he's stringing you along. Don't let him use you.

But obviously if you want to have sex, go for it :tongue:

I want to wait and he did say that he doesn't want to force/pressure me. But at the same time I can't help but think I'm being "tested" in the bedroom!! That said, i do want sex (who doesn't? :tongue:

), but it all seems like a very cheap quick thrill!!!

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Reply 84

BurstingBubbles

Life & Style Forum Helper

20

Original post by DancinBallerina

I want to wait and he did say that he doesn't want to force/pressure me. But at the same time I can't help but think I'm being "tested" in the bedroom!! That said, i do want sex (who doesn't? :tongue:

), but it all seems like a very cheap quick thrill!!!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Yeah, it may be something that you regret :s-smilie:

I would say wait - you don't want to give it all away too soon :lol:

Reply 85

Kaeseia

9

Err, I find it really awkward that he actually said that! "We should have sex before we date just in case we're incompatible"... uh huh.

It's always been a case of winging it in my experience, but the only person I've slept with before exclusively dating I had a sort of casual agreement with that accidentally turned into more... It was never 'discussed' and I don't think I'd want to have sex with someone purposely outside of a potential relationship but according to this thread I'm old fashioned with that view??

To me this all sounds very dodgy, but I could be wrong! Go with your gut and don't under any circumstances agree to something you're not 100% okay with.

Reply 86

cole-slaw

5

Original post by DancinBallerina

I must be old fashioned as I was always under the assumption sex took place AFTER a relationship started?? :confused:

....hence why I'm a lil confused by the whole situation I'm in!!

Posted from TSR Mobile

I think the general rule is that the 2nd time you have sex with someone, you should stop having sex with anyone else. At that point you're basically in a relationship, although you may not have officially discussed it.

Reply 87

username94219

OP

20

Original post by bubble999

Yeah, it may be something that you regret :s-smilie:

I would say wait - you don't want to give it all away too soon :lol:

Yes, it's the regret thereafter that's bothering me. And potentially being used??? :confused:

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Reply 88

username94219

OP

20

Original post by Kaeseia

Err, I find it really awkward that he actually said that! "We should have sex before we date just in case we're incompatible"... uh huh.

It's always been a case of winging it in my experience, but the only person I've slept with before exclusively dating I had a sort of casual agreement with that accidentally turned into more... It was never 'discussed' and I don't think I'd want to have sex with someone purposely outside of a potential relationship but according to this thread I'm old fashioned with that view??

To me this all sounds very dodgy, but I could be wrong! Go with your gut and don't under any circumstances agree to something you're not 100% okay with.

It's all very confusing and too much :-( Constant headache with this on my mind!!.....

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Reply 89

username94219

OP

20

Original post by cole-slaw

I think the general rule is that the 2nd time you have sex with someone, you should stop having sex with anyone else. At that point you're basically in a relationship, although you may not have officially discussed it.

I asked him if he's having sex with other people, he said no! However no idea if he's dating anyone else, as I thought that's not really for me to ask as we're. It a couple.

I'm just so baffled by everything to the point of headache! :-(

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Reply 90

EmilyAlyssa

5

Original post by DancinBallerina

Been dating someone for about 3-4 weeks. Dates have been really good and fun. Guy and I had ''the chat'' last night; he's looking to move things forward....sex, but does not want the whole relationship tag just yet! He said he wants to see if there is a connection in the bedroom....before things start to get serious and etc, avoiding the emotional upset and etc should things not work out! He did however say that I am not to start behaving like we're in a relationship if and when we do sleep together!

Now either I am old fashioned, or things have changed, but is having sex the new thing to do whilst dating before progressing things??? I am really confused, baffled and quite frankly I do not know what to do? He has been really blunt and honest with me, which I appreciate and respect him for, and he has said should I not be ready, he'll be disappointed but will respect my wishes until I am ready.

TSR, what the heck do I do???? . . :confused:

Don't feel like you have to just because he'll be "disappointed", sounds like bull**** to me. This sounds like he's trying to pressure you to be honest!

Reply 91

Tiger Rag

22

Original post by EmilyAlyssa

Don't feel like you have to just because he'll be "disappointed", sounds like bull**** to me. This sounds like he's trying to pressure you to be honest!

If he really cared, he'd wait until DB was ready. To me, this is a warning sign that she should stay away from him.

Reply 92

BurstingBubbles

Life & Style Forum Helper

20

Original post by DancinBallerina

Yes, it's the regret thereafter that's bothering me. And potentially being used??? :confused:

Posted from TSR Mobile

This is what I was thinking, yeah. It's a hard call, but I wouldn't want you to feel **** after.

If he was really in it for the long run, he wouldn't do this :hmmm:

Reply 93

desdemonata

19

Original post by DancinBallerina

Yes, it's the regret thereafter that's bothering me. And potentially being used??? :confused:

Let's be honest here, there are plenty of guys who would agree with you that sex is for when you are already in a relationship. Judging from the posts you made after quoting me, it looks like in the end what he was basically doing was giving you an ultimatum - sleep with him or he breaks things off. Which is really not someone you want to spend any time investing in emotionally.

Either he is trustworthy, in which case he wouldn't make ultimatums, or he isn't, and it's time to leave him be :smile:

Reply 94

EmilyAlyssa

5

it does sound like he's using you though :/

Reply 95

username94219

OP

20

Original post by desdemonata

Let's be honest here, there are plenty of guys who would agree with you that sex is for when you are already in a relationship. Judging from the posts you made after quoting me, it looks like in the end what he was basically doing was giving you an ultimatum - sleep with him or he breaks things off. Which is really not someone you want to spend any time investing in emotionally.

Either he is trustworthy, in which case he wouldn't make ultimatums, or he isn't, and it's time to leave him be :smile:

The 2nd part of your message (the latter part) I am very tempted to let happen!! I just feel like things won't progress until sex has happened, & I just don't feel ready for that. I'm not saying I wouldn't have sex with him because I would, I just cannot get my head around doing something so intimate with someone I've been on 3 dates with! Sex may not be great 1st time couples do it but you learn, you communicate with one another to improve things. That's how I see it :don't know:

Original post by bubble999

This is what I was thinking, yeah. It's a hard call, but I wouldn't want you to feel **** after.

If he was really in it for the long run, he wouldn't do this :hmmm:

I know :-(. I always question myself "If he so say liked me a lot, he'd wait until things had progressed before doing so intimate". Clearly what I've been informed, tells me it's either my way, or the highway!! :-/

Original post by OU Student

If he really cared, he'd wait until DB was ready. To me, this is a warning sign that she should stay away from him.

Think you're right!

Original post by EmilyAlyssa

Don't feel like you have to just because he'll be "disappointed", sounds like bull**** to me. This sounds like he's trying to pressure you to be honest!