I need some advice - I don't know what to do (may be sensitive)

Hi,

My life is really screwed up at the moment. I don't know whats wrong and I don't know what to do.

I'm 18. When I was 13, my long-life, close friend died. A couple of months later, I got ill - quite seriously ill. I had 5 operations in the space of a few months and I spent a lot of time in hospital. It was a very traumatic time. A couple of months later I was diagnosed with a serious, long-term illness which changed my life dramatically from the age of 13-now. I missed loads of school and basically had no life. I am in recovery at the moment... I was in school full time in year 13 and my life is slowly, but surely regaining some normality.

The thing is, is that I feel so depressed all the time. I have huge mood swings... my mood is very unstable. I can go from feeling suicidal, to feeling really happy, really quickly. I know I have had a tough few years and I have been through a lot, but my life isn't so bad to make me feel so depressed. I should consider myself lucky - because my health has improved so much. I know when you feel down you should talk - but I have nothing to talk about. I honestly don't know whats wrong. I honestly don't know what to talk about.

I self harmed for quite a while, and haven't done it for about 5 months, which is amazing... but I still feel so down and I keep having these suicidal thoughts. I don't know what to do. This has been going on for ages and although sometimes I do have a good few weeks... it keeps coming back. My friends don't know what to do anymore either. They can't know whats wrong if I don't know whats wrong. Theres little amount they can do to help if I don't know how they can help. I feel like I've put them in a terrible position, cos I know they want to help, but they don't know how.

I just don't know what to do anymore and the things that have been going through my head the past couple of days are really scaring me. I hate my g.p and I would rather suffer than go and see her about this. And telling my parents... thats just out of the question because I don't want to tell them. I can't deal with all the fuss.

My friends think I don't want to help myself, which is fair enough. But I don't know what to do to make them understand that I hate this too and I don't want this happening either and I am trying to help myself but I just can't.

Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks in advance. I hope you all have a good summer

Anon x

Reply 1

Sharp_Shooter

Anonymous

You're right in saying your life is screwed up, but so what? True, you've been through a lot in short period of time but so what? You don't have to dwell on the past because that just screws you up even more.

You've pretty much answered your own question. Seek professional advice and don't push the only friends you've got left away- because then, it will be just you-and that sucks ass

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Go to a different doctor. Depression is ****, it sucks, it's a little **** of a disease that needs to be sorted, not suffered from. If you had an infection in your knee that was stopping you from walking, you'd get some antibiotics and physio to make it better. Depression is a crappy thing that takes a perfectly good mind, and makes a minute chemical change, which stops it working properly - like if someone put diesel into your car's petrol tank and it ran all crappy for a while. All antidepressants do is correct this imbalance (you might not even need them anyway).
PLEASE don't top yourself, it's really not a good idea, and won't do anybody any good, least of all you. I know that depression can make you feel like there's no way out, as I've had it myself, including the "why go on" thoughts, but seriously, suicide is not the answer.
I managed to get over my depression myself, and now I feel glad to be alive, but I have several friends who've taken antidepressants, been to counselling and other things because of depression, whether caused by really **** stuff happening, or just through that crappy little chemical imbalance.
I hope I don't sound like I'm making light of your situation, as I'm not - it's heavy-duty stuff, but there is a way out, and it's a lot more fun and fruitful than the "easy" way out.
You've got your life still going after a lot of difficult stuff, there's a whole load of really fulfilling stuff to do in the world, and although now it may feel superficial, that's just the chemicals in your head making you think that (much the same way that a load of alcohol in your head might make you think it's a good idea to swim in a river near a weir - we both know in reality that it's a bad idea, but the chemicals in the drunken person's head skew that reality - much as the ones in depression do, but in a different direction).
Hope this isn't too rambling, but in conclusion:
GO TO A NICE DOCTOR.

oops, I'm sure I clicked anon...

Reply 3

username39618

I think although you don't want to, and even if it seems out of the ques, you do need to be able to get on with your parents and gp.

Reply 4

In Love

i think, you need to talk to your parents. after all, they know what u've been through, they care for u and wish u the best. maybe they cant solve the problem but they'll probably help.
depression is one the worst feeling i've ever experienced so i know what ur saying, maybe ur situation is worse and maybe i'll never imagine how bad it was/is, but trust me, giving up to it is not the solution.

do not give up. i may not have an answer or a practical advice but i do know that you should not give up or think of suicide... try doing things u enjoy or use ur time to do something that will lead u to achieving a paticular goal/aim.

I need some advice - I don't know what to do (may be sensitive)

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