Scared of relationships

Every time i get close to someone, and we seem on the verge of getting together, i have the awful urge to back off. Even if i really like the person and honestly want to be with them. I don't know what the problem is. I can't seem to stop scaring the people i love away from me. Help! :frown:

Reply 1

dh00001

so your scared not scaring them away :confused:

whats your age and gender?

Reply 2

slk999

hmm...try being around them more. don't think of them as potential partners- just friends to begin with.

Reply 3

username47781

Get to know them more first before even thinking about a relationship, did you have some past issues that cause this?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

I'm a girl, about to start uni in september.

And i am friends with all the guys i want to go out with. Normally, i'm best friends with them. I don't know whats holding me back, it's not like i've been hurt in the past and thats whats putting me off relationships. I come from a stable family and have lots of close friends. I didn't used to think i was insecure, but have since evaluated that... :frown:

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

omg hey. i have exact same problem..but its down to my past though..the guy cheated and slept around when he was with me, and this was 2years ago, and i didnt sleep with him or anything but i was still in the immature teenage peroid..still, because of that, it was hard to move on and regain trust from other guys. i WANT a realtionship, ill meet people that i consider as 'potential partners' but somehow it either doesnt happen or i just back out in the last minute..i regret when i do that, its almost like a natural thing cos at that minute all the past memoires come back and i just end up pushing them away :frown:

..i have no idea why it happens :frown:

..you wudve thought after 2yeasrs i wouldve moved on or that i should just 'take the risk' but i htink its a case of being scared of getting hurt rather than scared of being in a realstionship..

Reply 6

ryan2288

I have similar problems as a guy. Ill meet someone, date them for about 3-6 months and then have a breakup. Ive had about 6 girlfriends but I never seem to be able to get any type of commitment out of it. 4 out of the 6 girlfriends wanted something longer but I broke it off. My friends say I just havent found "the right girl" for me yet, and that maybe so. Sometimes I feel like I flirt with girls im not even that interested in. Immaturity I guess, but im going to uni next year so I hope it will change and I think I am ready to really be selective next time.

Reply 7

pumpkin7

hehe.. don't be scared of relationships. they are wonderful things you know.

:smile:

just get to know the guy more before you take it to any sort of level. make sure you feel comfortable around them and take things slowly. maybe you are rushing things? i don't know.. just have fun and don't worry about where it maye be going.

Reply 8

username68316

I've had the same feelings before. I think the main reason i get cold feet is because of how much i think it will change ones life. i.e. You'll be seen with her everywhere, you'll be at most social events with her. I seem to need freedom at the pivotal moment, but i'm getting over it :smile:

Reply 9

pumpkin7

you don't have to do everything with your partner.. quite the contrary. you do some things with them, but other things without. it isn't like you are joined at the hip, so chill out about that :smile:

Reply 10

Anthonyjm71

Yeah I so know exactly how you feel.I think the more time you spend with that person , the better and easier it will get for the both of you.

Reply 11

~NC~

I do completely understand. I have had two relationships, both i have really liked the other person, yet things which happened in my past have held me back. I have never seen a stable relationship. My parents broke up when i was 4, put it this way they weren't on good terms when this happened, from this i have never actually seen what a loving couple is meant to be like. My mums new bf is no better, so again i worry about relationships. However i would love to be in a relationship, i crave it so to speak, but when they get to close i get scared and back away, quickly. My first bf cheated on me, this didnt help, both of my relationships lasted about a month :frown:

However during this time i spent time avoiding the other person :frown:

Cos however much i wanted the attention i was scared of it.
Back to your situation, i guess given time you will steadily work through it. I suppose leanr to trust them, become comfortable with them as a friend, and then just try a relationship out, put your thoughts to one side and just take a chance, you may find it helps you. Or another idea is you could try and get to the bottom of the reason you are scared, and go from there.
Good luck either way, and i hope it works out for yo.l