My boyfriend is going on a lads holiday abroad (stag do)

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(edited 9 years ago)

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mlr1995

Hey,

I imagine this can be a hard situation to talk to him about, because if you turned round to him and said I am scared you will cheat on me or I am scared you will get bored of me, It might make him feel like you don't trust and you don't feel good for him.

To be perfectly honest I think you need to decide if you do or don't trust him. If you Don't trust him well you need to ask yourself why. You have been with him five years surely you should trust him by now. If you DO trust him, well I think you have to put your complete faith in him that he won't cheat. I realise this is one of the hardest things to do, because you are so vulnerable to him betraying your trust, but at the same time I feel its something you need to do for the long term future of your relationship anyway.

Don't worry too much about him getting bored of you. He has not got bored of you these last 5 years, hopefully he is mature enough to realise a lads holiday is not real life.

Couldn't you throw yourself into your uni work to keep yourself busy?

I know it is hard, but try not to stress too much and cry too much right now, because as of this second nothing has actually happened so you are actually crying over something that might never happen.

Reply 2

Orthonym

You've been going out for 5 years, surely you can talk to him about how you feel. Anyway, 5 years is definitely something at this age, sounds like he's with you for a reason and won't just leave you. To have been going out that long you must have gone through hardships and decisions already, I don't think something like this would break you.

I think you should just talk to him and let him know your insecurities. It might make you feel vulnerable in front of him but he will know that, so he should respond in a caring way towards you. Make sure you don't make it sound like you distrust him a lot though, because I think you do trust him, and it would make him feel unappreciated. You're just a lot scared of losing him that even a tiny bit of distrust can get you really upset. :smile:

Reply 3

nase14_aldayz

Original post by girlll

I need some advice about how to deal with the fact that my boyfriend is going on a lads holiday abroad, a stag do to be precise.
I'm 22 and he's 25 and we've been together for 5 years, however we've never been on holiday together (im too poor with uni, and he's just generally bad with money), this will be his first lads holiday.

I have three main worries:

1. That he will go away and cheat. I trust him completely when he's sober, however, when he's had a drink (and he likes to get extremely drunk) I'm worried that if a girl comes onto him that he won't say no. Obviously, the stag isn't single but all the other guys who are going are and I'm just really worried.

2. My second worry is that he's going to have such a fab time that he's going to come home and think that life with me is boring (especially since we haven't been on holiday together so haven't had that kind of fun).

3. My final worry is because he will be on holiday when my last few uni assignments are due in, so it's not like I can keep busy by going out and seeing friends cos I'll probably be sat in a library all day, stressed enough as it is without having to worry about him.

I know these are my problems not his, and I really don't want to ruin it for him. We spend most of our time together but we do do our own thing to.

I haven't really worried about it until today but now I am really stressing, I can't stop crying (although I think that's just my hormones).

I know it's normal for me to not want him to go (I've been reading quite a lot of posts from worried girls in the same position) but I also don't want him to not go. I like the fact that we can do our own thing and still be happy together.

So how can I make myself feel better about the situation without upsetting him?

P.S I'm sorry for how badly this post is written. I am actually an English student and I do know how to string a sentence together really, but I just feel really confused and drained tonight.

Thanks x

Think most of this is your hormones. x

Reply 4

Petyr24

I would be worried; guys do crazy things on LAD holidays.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

If you can't trust him then you shouldn't be with him. I pity the poor guy for having such an insecure girlfriend.

Reply 6

silverbolt

youve been together five years and you dont trust him

speaks volumes about your relationship

Reply 7

EarthlingyThingy

There are things you CAN influence, and things you cannot.

You cannot influence this in any way.

You trust him and he values your trust, I imagine.

Thus, your worrying is merely an irrational, self-created emotion that can only cause you A.) stress B.) upset and supposing you confronted him in any way on the topic of your concern C.) friction and conflict.

Study. Work and play and relax. What happens happens and, your trust increases the chances of everything turning out a-OK.

Good luck :-)

Reply 8

James222

I would advise you to fake a pregnancy

Reply 9

Bored@Work

Hi,

I have also been with my boyfriend for 5 years and would feel totally panicked if he were to go on a lads holiday. I think its only natural to worry about the possibilities that he may cheat or that he will think "hey, maybe the grass is greener being single!" At the same time, you guys have been together for a long frickin time so surely that should prove to you in itself that he is dedicated to you and only has eyes for you. Also, if he is naïve enough to think you are boring after returning from his little getaway then who wants to be with someone like that?! Just explain to him you have concerns and then set some ground rules or something of what you would find acceptable and unacceptable of his behaviour. Trust me, if he didn't want to be with you and didn't love you, he wouldn't have stuck around all this time. Stop spending your time worrying, keep yourself busy and meet with your girls to take your mind off it. Its not life or death - just a holiday!

Peace :biggrin:

Reply 10

donkey23

Talk to him about your worries. If he cares about you, he will be willing to talk about it

Reply 11

cuckoo99

A 5 year investment at that age is not something you throw away over some hot girls in bikinis on holiday....Thats like selling your car so you can rent a Ferrari for a week.

Reply 12

Viva Emptiness

Whether he cheats or not is something you have absolutely zero control over. Mentioning it to him won't help at all - what do you expect him to do? Assure you that he's not going to cheat? Well you already know he's going to say that and it's obviously not helped.

If he does (which he won't - you've been together forever, he's clearly been on a night out before, being abroad changes nothing) then you will find out about it one way or the other, these things always come out.

You should put your efforts into your work and maybe give him the good stuff just before he goes so he's got something to look forward to coming home to.

Reply 13

joker12345

It's understandable that you'll be upset, even if you don't really expect anything to happen there's always that fear. I think you should talk to him and hopefully he will reassure you.

Reply 14

Studentus-anonymous

Original post by Viva Emptiness

This.

I'd add if that there is no trust at this point and you can't have an honest fair discussion over your feelings and such about this then one asks why are you with him still?

Reply 15

redferry

I seriously can't believe anyone would be worried about someone going on a lads holiday when they have been together for 5 years. To me that screams that you shouldn't be together.

My boyfriend left for Madagascar for 14 weeks less than a year into our relationship and I had no concerns whatsoever.

Reply 16

uberteknik

Book him into an STD clinic on the day he returns. Then refuse all physical contact with him until the clinic results together with the lie detector tests are revealed by Jeremy Kyle a few months later on live TV.

Reply 17

bownessie

Just talk to him. He is going because his mate is getting married and he wants to have the 'last hurrah' with him or whatever. If you don't trust him after a drink then you seriously need to reassess things and sit down with him... you can't always be with him when he's had a few, irrespective of if he is on a lad's holiday or down the pub.

Reply 18

Spongebob'sPants

1st world problems :biggrin:

Look, if you're this distrusting of your bf (and clearly you are regardless of what you say; you wouldnt post this otherwise, nor would you be crying about it), then i think you have bigger issues than him going on a holiday.

If he is the type to get stupidly drunk, and then act irresponsibly, you're going to encounter a hell of a lot of problems, whether he is abroad or at home.

If you want any advice, i'd just talk to him, reinforce to him what your expectations are of him and that you trust him to have a good tie without going ott, and thats it. If he is gonna cheat, there isnt much you ca do about it, is there?