I feel... Lost.

Hey guys,

This will be a reasonably lengthy thread, I'm a writer (apparently) so I guess it's my duty to explain things good and proper. If the content bores you, please feel free to skip my thread and move on, I don't mind =).

It begins
I've got some nagging problems in the pit of my stomach that I've had for a few years now but rather than getting them sorted there and then, I've allowed them to manifest into a rather depressing mess. I'm posting this here because... well I've used TSR so much in my life by means of various search terms such as "HOW DO I UCAS" or perhaps "WHY DO I HAVE NO MONEY FROM SFE" and without doubt, this site has always come right to the top which leads me to believe that what I'm experiencing has happened before.

Prologue over, let the story begin
Since I was about fifteen, probably younger, I've been plagued with the question "What do you want to do when you grow up?" My answer has always been quite simply, I've no idea I will sort that out when I get to it. The problem is that I never did get there.

After school had finished and I had my results I kinda wanted to go to sixth form to keep my options open but sadly my parents moved and being non-independent at the time I had to move with them which stopped me getting into anything aside from a suspiciously late accepting college. I didn't have time to put a great deal of thought into what I studied there only that I needed to study there so I decided to go with something I knew, computers. Without getting a swollen head nor tooting my own trumpet, I do feel that I am particularly skilled with computers thus this course was not only easy but also rather boring. If anything, this course just told me that I didn't want to become a computer based businessman.

I got pretty good grades from this place, despite the awful conditions I was labouring under. The problem here was that because I had chosen to study a BTEC (I use the term "chosen" with a sense of bitterness here)I had effectively locked myself out of the better universities. I'm probably not Oxbridge material by any stretch of the imagination but still it was depressing to know that I'd closed the doors to some of the more interesting paths.

One thing I knew for sure was that I really wanted to go to university, it was my dream ever since I was little. By this point I was eighteen and still lost for what I actually wanted to do with my life. So my friends just suggested that I should do something I enjoyed. I'm an avid video games connoisseur so I thought I might try games design or development or something. So I did and this brings us closer to where I am today.

I'm currently... ehh 2/3 of the way through my first year at university and whilst I have found the workload manageable and for the most part reasonably interesting, I'm not really happy. I feel like I want to something meaningful not just create video games in a field where I probably wont even get a job. My passion for the longest time I can remember has been to study law, but this has more been a dream than anything.

If I leave this course, I doubt very much I'd even be allowed funding for a second degree but if I was, I feel like I would be petrified of failing it to even consider going due to already screwing up once. I doubt I am even smart enough to pursue law, let alone get a degree in it.

So now you know my story..
I'm in debt already, don't want to leave my current course because of this however I feel my life has just been a series of meaningless choices up until this point, I don't know what to do or who to begin to speak to about sorting this out. This thread is actually the first time I've ever chronologically thought about it honestly.

-Enjoy the four am (or whenever you read it) read-Anon.

N.B: I am pretty tired as it's approaching five am so I apologize for grammar, spelling or senseless gibberish that may be found above.

Reply 1

Anon_Lost

Just giving this a bump before I head to class, I'm interested to get some feedback =).

Reply 2

skunkboy

What causes such feeling?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 3

ThatGirl276

Seeing as you're only in first year you still have 3 years of funding left (assuming your on a 3 year course). SFE will count this year as a 'false start' if you do drop out, so you can start another degree if you wish. Video game design is very specific, and I assume its pretty hard to break into the industry. Though if its heavily linked to computer science, you may find more opportunities there.

You say you want to do law, but would you want this as a career or do you just want to study it? Career wise, its pretty competitive, and unfortunately employers will take the fact that you did BTECs and the university you went to into account. I would check out the sticky on the legal career forum if I were you.

If you do drop out, draw up a plan of
a) what am I going to do between now and the start of my next course?
b) what course should I do and where will it take me?
c) what do I do after my degree?

I know you've been putting these questions off, but I would seriously have a think about them now.

And lastly good luck to you for whatever you do!

Posted from TSR Mobile

I feel... Lost.

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