How much do your parents expect you to pay?

Scroll to see replies

Wow.

I would never ever let someone take my student loan or my earnings. Why someone would expect to take away something that you need to support yourself with? That's absurd.

My parents are well off (well my step dad is) but they took my debit card away so I can't use my EMA before and "I" could treat them whenever.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 21

kimwats82

This post is ridiculous. Your parents and siblings should be supporting you with whatever you need (whether that be financial or emotional)
OP, I really feel for you and your mother sounds horrid. She has no right to expect anything off you, you're her child not her pay cheque or carer. Try and find somewhere else to live - a house share maybe.

All the best with your studies. :-)

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 22

doodle_333

Original post by datpiff

I've graduated, starting my masters this April (got my course paid for to study, but unfortunately not my living costs) and i'm unfortunately having to live at home while trying to support myself on a 6-hour a week job. I feel as though I have to carry the huge burden of my mum being unemployed. I don't feel as though she does much to help herself and the whole situation makes me want to hit my head on a wall. It's like she doesn't even try anymore and expect us to support her.

I'm sick of my mum always demanding money and in general always making comments about why i'm studying when I have no money and always making me feel like a loser. Always more or less trying to say I am wasting my time and should get a job instead. Yeah... if things were that easy. My brother then steps in and tries to intimidate me into giving money more, making me feel like a freeloader. There's no negotiation that can never be done.

It makes me realise that love doesn't exist from anyone. Love costs money. I feel as though my mum only loves me and apprecates me when i have money.

Am i the only one who gets so much pressure to pay up cash to their own family?

Posted from TSR Mobile

its not really a case of love costs money, just your house, bills, TV license, food all cost money, probably a lot more than you make in 6 hours a week... at the end of the day if money is tight and you want to live there you should be contributing, if there wasn't a room there for you what would you do? there must be a loan or benefit somewhere you can claim or you will have to try and get more hours, it isn't unfair to ask you to contribute to the house, even if you mum should maybe make more effort

perhaps in the mean time you could show you're really making an effort, offer to help your mum job hunt, check through her applications for her and practice for interviews together, and make sure until you're contributing properly financially you're really doing a lot of housework/cooking etc and explain to your brother you will try and get more hours/a loan or whatever but until you can pay more you will try and help where you can with other things

Reply 23

doodle_333

Original post by datpiff

What if you're in my situation and you give what you can afford due to being an unemployed graduate (you can't be that ignorant to the unemployment crisis facing grads atm) in a crap area. You're trying hard as hell to get a job, but the only thing you get from your family is even more **** and your family telling you how useless you are?

If I could pay enough rent I would. I'm nearly to the max of my overdraft and i have my own debts to pay also which my family don't seem to give a toss about.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I feel like most people could get SOMETHING if they tried hard enough, I have never struggled to find A job, I know plenty of graduate friends who are unemployed because they only want the job they want, I have a job because I'm working for around minimum wage despite having a degree and fair amount of work experience, but it pays so that's what I have to do until I manage to find something better, there is a crisis for graduates but if you're prepared to take anything be it office work, bad hours, telesales etc then you will find SOMETHING to get you started

I don't think your family should be unsupportive while you're getting on your feet (providing you claim your benefits and pay everything possible) but I also don't think anyone trying hard enough and prepared to take anything would still be unemployed 6 months after graduating...

Original post by Katie_p

IMO if you live at home past 18, you should pay rent. Especially if your parents struggle financially.

^^^ This is the truth

Original post by Dee Leigh

The entitlement complex from some parents is astonishing.

the entitlement complex from some children is astonishing...

if you choose to bring a child into this world you should raise it to the absolute best of your ability, but asking an ADULT to contribute to the running of the house is not unreasonable, yes wealthier parents may not have to but most parents right now are middle-low earners and with the cost of living crisis they are struggling, by living at home you add a big chunk onto their bills and food costs, and you save yourself a massive chunk of money in rent and so on so it isn't extreme whatsoever to say an adult who wants to live at home should contribute, I live away from home full time but when I go back for an extended visit I will always go and pick up some shopping for my mum or buy her a coffee or something and if I was to move back home I would expect to be paying a large chunk of money to her for housekeeping

to be perfectly honest my mum is too proud to ask me for a penny, but I know how much she has put in to raise me over the last 22 years and so I don't understand how any person in my position would not WANT to contribute and help that parent out whereever they could

Reply 24

username418231

Original post by doodle_333

the entitlement complex from some children is astonishing...

Are you suggesting I am entitled?

As for employment: it may be incredibly difficult for some i.e. they may live in an area with low prospect, or they may struggle to get low-wage jobs as a result of being overqualified, or they may struggle to travel to areas of employment. It is not so clear-cut. Some have it worse than others.

Original post by doodle_333

if you choose to bring a child into this world you should raise it to the absolute best of your ability, but asking an ADULT to contribute to the running of the house is not unreasonable, yes wealthier parents may not have to but most parents right now are middle-low earners and with the cost of living crisis they are struggling, by living at home you add a big chunk onto their bills and food costs, and you save yourself a massive chunk of money in rent and so on so it isn't extreme whatsoever to say an adult who wants to live at home should contribute, I live away from home full time but when I go back for an extended visit I will always go and pick up some shopping for my mum or buy her a coffee or something and if I was to move back home I would expect to be paying a large chunk of money to her for housekeeping

to be perfectly honest my mum is too proud to ask me for a penny, but I know how much she has put in to raise me over the last 22 years and so I don't understand how any person in my position would not WANT to contribute and help that parent out whereever they could

No one is suggesting that it is unreasonable for an adult to contribute to the running of the household.

But, just because you brought a kid into the world and raised him or her, doesn't mean that the world owes you a living. It is selfish and absurd for a parent to think that he/she is entitled to their child's student loan IN FULL for house renovations or vanity projects. The student loan is for student costs, not for the parent.

I'd hang onto my student loan instead of giving it away - it is for me, not for anyone else. Plus, I only get the basic loan. I'd still contribute in other ways i.e. chores, and I don't expect my parents to fund my social life.

Reply 25

username418231

Original post by donutaud15

My parents are well off (well my step dad is) but they took my debit card away so I can't use my EMA before and "I" could treat them whenever.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I would cancel the debit card. In fact I would report it as 'lost/stolen'.

Reply 26

donutaud15

Original post by Dee Leigh

I would cancel the debit card. In fact I would report it as 'lost/stolen'.

couldn't at that time

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 27

moogoomonkey

Well nothing until I graduate but when I do I'm paying back my parents for how much they gave me during uni, £200/month (4 years*8 months*£200 ~ £6.4k). I kinda got to the frame of mind that I'm 18 now so what I'm doing is effectively taking a loan from my parents, which I myself expect to pay back. My parents have never hinted or asked for any money from me, even when I was earning £80-£100/week during 6th form. Thinking back I should've offered at least some rent, but I am paying all my rent at uni so there's that...

I love my parents and all they have done for me. Even if I do act like a selfish pri*** some times...

Sorry mum and dad and I love you! xxx

Reply 28

H0ls

I'm currently working but don't pay rent to live at home under the condition that I put aside a certain amount of money each month. I help out around the house a lot on my days off though. I'm only taking a gap year to work and save money, so my parents were chill about not having to pay rent. However, they made it clear that if I decided not to go to university that I would have to contribute.

Reply 29

MissNix

I can honestly see your mother's point of view, though the way she's going about it is wrong. You're an adult, with a job so it's not unreasonable to ask for a contribution towards bills etc. But you really need a set amount of rent for you to pay in this situation. Discuss what you can afford and work it out with your mother else you'll just end up getting more angry as this goes on. My brother dropped out and lived at home for a year, my parents didn't charge him anything at first as he was actively trying to get back on his feet. When he got a job he paid fixed rent.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 30

Solemn Rain

Gosh, that's awful :frown:

Me, on the other hand, is expected to pay 300/month as well as half of the student finance :frown:

But thank god I got a job that pays well otherwise I'd be ****ed.

Reply 31

MrSupernova

Original post by yo radical one

My mum said she would be embarrassed to accept money off me like that, but equally she is crazy.

One time I had a bad parents evening and she flipped and made me work on my father's allotment in my free time (which she knows I hate), telling me I was 16 and that I need to earn my keep. I offered her money and she said she would only accept £1000 per week and said if I felt it was unfair I can move out; she also denied it was anything to do with the parents evening, yet it mysteriously stopped when I got a good report

It's weird, if I do well, I'm the pampered prince, if not, I'm a worthless piece of ****

true story :colondollar:

Teaches you a lesson though. Would you rather spend your time studying or doing chores? My mum forced me to get a part-time job during A-levels because she said I had too much free time, then wondered why I wasn't smashing A's out in my December A2 mocks like I'd done all last year when work was making me do 25+ hours a week in the run-up to Christmas...

Reply 32

Efeeko

£10. Which is 10% of my wage. My parents don't need the money it is just getting used to the idea of me paying rent, albeit a very small amount.

Reply 33

username487488

I'm moving home in June from uni, and my mum has already told me she wants £82 a week.
My family are very low-income and I have savings which I could use for rent - I think it's her way of making me move out quicker though!

And to be fair, she does food shops/washing/cleaning/cooking/everything, so I imagine my expenditure would be about that including rent if I was on my own!

Yes, I'm a lazy cow.

Reply 34

Eva.Gregoria

Why are parents demanding money from their children?! Why are people here even supporting it? That's almost unheard of where I'm from. It's disgusting in my opinion. No matter how old your child is, you should never force them to pay for their upkeep.

If the child has enough funds and willingly wants to pay, that's perfectly fine. But demanding it? That's wrong.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 35

MkGuy

my mums always been pretty cool about it, when I was at college and had a part time job I never had to pay her a penny. I didn't go to uni straight away and ended up going full time with the same company, ended up progressing and earning a pretty decent wage for my age, at that point I then started giving her £350 a month, and we kind of joint ran the house together (it was just me and her, sisters had moved out years ago, and she is a single parents). I used to think £350 was way too much money haha, and then kind of realised £350 is seriously a bargain, you wouldn't get to live in a nice house, all bills and food included for that each month once leaving home.

Now i've gone back to education and stripped back my hours at work she doesn't expect anything at all from me again, and if I super broke then may lend me a tenner here and there, but thats pretty rare. But i'll still go buy food and stuff from the supermarket for us if I pass it on way home etc.

Reply 36

x__justmyluck

Tbh I don't think we're getting an unbiased account of the situation from OP.

My mum and I pool our money, pay the bills and then split the rest 50/50, it's more of a house share than child living with parent anyway. Considering I get about 4 times the amount she does that means my money basically pay for all of our bills but I couldn't leave her with nothing. I do want to try and cut down as much as I can on our bills though to save as much as possible so that at some point in my lifetime I'll be able to afford a deposit for a house. My mum's done a lot for me and without her I wouldn't be at university.

OP, if it's so bad then move out, if you can't because you can't afford to then agree with your mum an amount. Work out all of your income and hers and all of your expenses, then come to a fair arrangement.

Reply 37

Dalek1099

Original post by datpiff

I can't claim JSA. Tried before I got onto studying for a masters. I was earning too much to claim.

I'm in a catch 22 at the moment. I have to pay £8 a day to get to work to get to my 6 hour a week job. Everyone asks 'why do you travel?'
It's the only job I have at the moment. It relates to my degree, it feeds me (with whats left after travel) and if I just handed in my notice, i'd be back on the dole. Dole might have paid more, but I would have been silly to go to no job at all. Especially a public sector one which I get a lot of experience in. Asking for more hours is out of question as well as the local authority which I work for refuses to part with more cash and hours due to 'budget cuts'.

Posted from TSR Mobile

How much is your mum asking you to pay?You should really be paying about £80 a week because thats what She would get if you were a child through child tax credit and child benefit plus any increases to her rent that your income causes.This situation seems very perculiar because of your mum's situation you should be able to get a good amount of funding for this masters :confused: