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Does he like me? (getting mixed signals from him!)

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This is too cute. Sounds like he likes you but is shy. Does anyone else close to him know he's gay? you could get them to do some sleuthing for you. Otherwise Id approach the topic quite generally, find out if he's looking for a relationship/hookup right now and work your way in. If you're not too full on you can easily retreat if you think it will change the friendship.
Reply 21
Original post by Anonymous
His friendship? :cries:


and what are the possible gains?
Original post by brownbearxo
This is too cute. Sounds like he likes you but is shy. Does anyone else close to him know he's gay? you could get them to do some sleuthing for you. Otherwise Id approach the topic quite generally, find out if he's looking for a relationship/hookup right now and work your way in. If you're not too full on you can easily retreat if you think it will change the friendship.

Haha thank u :colondollar:

That's the thing. He has one close friend (Alex) who's good friends with my best friend Michelle. Michelle always asks Alex if Zak is gay and at first Alex laughed it off saying best friends have secrets. But she continued asking him everyday until he finally told her ask him yourself Michelle I can't tell u.

Then 2 weeks ago, when she asked him again, he was like u know what Michelle, that's a very good question. I always wonder the same thing and everytime I jokingly call him gay he gets really angry.

Then last week, Michelle told me she was speaking to Alex and he slipped up and "gave something away." Okay so we all know that zak doesn't like Michelle much (they don't like each other much but she keeps up with him for my sake) anyway so alex was like yah zak always complains about you Michelle. He doesn't like u much. And Michelle was like yah the feelings mutual. And then alex was like, but there's a reason why he hangs out with u and ur friends...and she was like what? What's the reason? And she was like alexs face expression changed and said oh nothing forget I said anything!

And now Michelle thinks that that reason is "me" that zak hangs out with us cuz of "me"...and she will ask him again and find out the exact reason and I really hope it's cuz of me! :colondollar:
I hope so too! But you know, it sounds like he is not fully out as gay yet. This may be why he is not very forthcoming so I'd be careful. You can either be the awesome first boyfriend that helps him understand his sexuality, or you can be the guy who traumatised him into suppressing his feelings for good xx

Original post by Anonymous
Haha thank u :colondollar:

That's the thing. He has one close friend (Alex) who's good friends with my best friend Michelle. Michelle always asks Alex if Zak is gay and at first Alex laughed it off saying best friends have secrets. But she continued asking him everyday until he finally told her ask him yourself Michelle I can't tell u.

Then 2 weeks ago, when she asked him again, he was like u know what Michelle, that's a very good question. I always wonder the same thing and everytime I jokingly call him gay he gets really angry.

Then last week, Michelle told me she was speaking to Alex and he slipped up and "gave something away." Okay so we all know that zak doesn't like Michelle much (they don't like each other much but she keeps up with him for my sake) anyway so alex was like yah zak always complains about you Michelle. He doesn't like u much. And Michelle was like yah the feelings mutual. And then alex was like, but there's a reason why he hangs out with u and ur friends...and she was like what? What's the reason? And she was like alexs face expression changed and said oh nothing forget I said anything!

And now Michelle thinks that that reason is "me" that zak hangs out with us cuz of "me"...and she will ask him again and find out the exact reason and I really hope it's cuz of me! :colondollar:
Original post by brownbearxo
I hope so too! But you know, it sounds like he is not fully out as gay yet. This may be why he is not very forthcoming so I'd be careful. You can either be the awesome first boyfriend that helps him understand his sexuality, or you can be the guy who traumatised him into suppressing his feelings for good xx


Haha it will be the former for sure! :colondollar: :tongue:
First off I don't have much experience here, but it sounds like he is doing exactly what I was doing to a guy I fancied when I was in the closet, so I would say he sounds pretty interested! Having said that, it also sounds like he might still be a bit scared of the consequences of anything happening i.e do you know if his wider family know/would mind if they knew he was gay? So just take it really slow and steady, don't push him too far but definitely hint you are interested! Informal dates are lovely, but try to focus on developing your relationship with him, not just going somewhere and then heading home (although I am sure you don't need me to tell you that!) maybe you could try to develop his trust in you by opening up to him in private about your own sexuality - rather than just hinting - as then he might feel more comfortable doing the same to you.

Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like Michelle is quite a force to be reckoned with! You have already said he doesn't get along with her and it sounds like he might be worried that she would try to involve herself in your relationship with Zak and he probably doesn't want that to happen. Maybe you could try to show that YOU are taking an interest in his life, and it isn't just Michelle trying to get involved (I know that comes off as being really harsh to Michelle - I really don't mean it to! - it is just that in the way that you described her, she seemed to come off as a bit overbearing and motherly).

Again, I don't know you guys and don't have much experience here, I am just trying to offer my opinion from what I have picked up from your thread, so take everything with a pinch of salt and make your own judgements as I don't know you guys or your situations properly enough to make an informed decision for you!
Original post by Anonymous
First off I don't have much experience here, but it sounds like he is doing exactly what I was doing to a guy I fancied when I was in the closet, so I would say he sounds pretty interested! Having said that, it also sounds like he might still be a bit scared of the consequences of anything happening i.e do you know if his wider family know/would mind if they knew he was gay? So just take it really slow and steady, don't push him too far but definitely hint you are interested! Informal dates are lovely, but try to focus on developing your relationship with him, not just going somewhere and then heading home (although I am sure you don't need me to tell you that!) maybe you could try to develop his trust in you by opening up to him in private about your own sexuality - rather than just hinting - as then he might feel more comfortable doing the same to you.

Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like Michelle is quite a force to be reckoned with! You have already said he doesn't get along with her and it sounds like he might be worried that she would try to involve herself in your relationship with Zak and he probably doesn't want that to happen. Maybe you could try to show that YOU are taking an interest in his life, and it isn't just Michelle trying to get involved (I know that comes off as being really harsh to Michelle - I really don't mean it to! - it is just that in the way that you described her, she seemed to come off as a bit overbearing and motherly).

Again, I don't know you guys and don't have much experience here, I am just trying to offer my opinion from what I have picked up from your thread, so take everything with a pinch of salt and make your own judgements as I don't know you guys or your situations properly enough to make an informed decision for you!


Thank you so much. And you're absolutely right. She is like that & even our close friends have told me that :tongue:

Haha yeah I'll do that. I'll go out with him on more "informal" dates :tongue:

And yeah, his family are very religious and I know for a fact there's no way he'd want them to know (but that's not a big of an issue now since he's in uni & away from them) and he kinda opened up that topic the first time I ever hanged out with him. He told me about his ex gf and how she dumped him because she thought he was "gay". He was like I got super angry and told her to stop telling ppl false rumors "I got really angry at her". Then he was like I wouldn't mind stuff like that going around but when it reaches your parents then it gets serious & I don't want that.
Months later, i found out that he was indeed gay & I figured out why he was defensive about it. I do wanna open up about my sexuality to him, but the thing is, it's very very complicated and I don't know how to tell him that.

See, the thing is, I don't wanna make this thread about my sexuality, but I always considered myself straight till I met Zak. So I thought cool I'm bi. But I wasn't. I gave it months. No attraction towards other guys. So that kinda confused me. I mean I'm 22 so I should know by now right? Wrong...I still don't know...if I was bisexual things would be easier and I won't be as confused...but I just can't seem to get attracted to other guys..I tried lol. But I do like zak. A lot. I like him like that. And I can imagine being with him. Michelle told me I'm pansexual..I don't know...so that's exactly why I can't open up to zak about my sexuality...like what would I tell him..hey im not really into guys, it's just you... that would freak him out right?
lol GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you so much. And you're absolutely right. She is like that & even our close friends have told me that :tongue:

Haha yeah I'll do that. I'll go out with him on more "informal" dates :tongue:

And yeah, his family are very religious and I know for a fact there's no way he'd want them to know (but that's not a big of an issue now since he's in uni & away from them) and he kinda opened up that topic the first time I ever hanged out with him. He told me about his ex gf and how she dumped him because she thought he was "gay". He was like I got super angry and told her to stop telling ppl false rumors "I got really angry at her". Then he was like I wouldn't mind stuff like that going around but when it reaches your parents then it gets serious & I don't want that.
Months later, i found out that he was indeed gay & I figured out why he was defensive about it. I do wanna open up about my sexuality to him, but the thing is, it's very very complicated and I don't know how to tell him that.

See, the thing is, I don't wanna make this thread about my sexuality, but I always considered myself straight till I met Zak. So I thought cool I'm bi. But I wasn't. I gave it months. No attraction towards other guys. So that kinda confused me. I mean I'm 22 so I should know by now right? Wrong...I still don't know...if I was bisexual things would be easier and I won't be as confused...but I just can't seem to get attracted to other guys..I tried lol. But I do like zak. A lot. I like him like that. And I can imagine being with him. Michelle told me I'm pansexual..I don't know...so that's exactly why I can't open up to zak about my sexuality...like what would I tell him..hey im not really into guys, it's just you... that would freak him out right?


Well first off, I would like to say that don't worry too much about your own sexuality or how Zak might react i.e. Don't try to put yourself in a box! At the end of the day, even if it is a little bit confusing, it doesn't matter what you want to identify as; if Zak or anyone else does truly care about you it wont matter to them, and if anything makes you more interesting than someone who is just a plain LGBT stereotype. Life is way more interesting than that and people are too!

Now back on track, I forgot you guys were at Uni, but even so, I think there is always a chance that rumours could spread and eventually his family could find out that way. Therefore until he is honest with his family he may never be truly open with anyone else and it would definitely complicate anything in public as there is always that background worry of bumping into someone you know :/ because of all this, I wouldn't write off the fact that just because he is away at Uni doesn't mean he is completely comfortable with being out (or more out than otherwise).

It also sounds like he might still be a little paranoid about relationships as it sounds like this ex girlfriend wasn't particularly supportive of him so he might still be a bit worried about being intimate with others...

To be honest, just go with your instinct but be aware he might have a reason to why he is sending mixed signals and it isn't just neccessarily him playing hard to get or messing you around (which you need to bear in mind might be a possibility).

Hope this h
QUOTE=Anonymous;47002176]Well first off, I would like to say that don't worry too much about your own sexuality or how Zak might react i.e. Don't try to put yourself in a box! At the end of the day, even if it is a little bit confusing, it doesn't matter what you want to identify as; if Zak or anyone else does truly care about you it wont matter to them, and if anything makes you more interesting than someone who is just a plain LGBT stereotype. Life is way more interesting than that and people are too!

Now back on track, I forgot you guys were at Uni, but even so, I think there is always a chance that rumours could spread and eventually his family could find out that way. Therefore until he is honest with his family he may never be truly open with anyone else and it would definitely complicate anything in public as there is always that background worry of bumping into someone you know :/ because of all this, I wouldn't write off the fact that just because he is away at Uni doesn't mean he is completely comfortable with being out (or more out than otherwise).

It also sounds like he might still be a little paranoid about relationships as it sounds like this ex girlfriend wasn't particularly supportive of him so he might still be a bit worried about being intimate with others...

To be honest, just go with your instinct but be aware he might have a reason to why he is sending mixed signals and it isn't just neccessarily him playing hard to get or messing you around (which you need to bear in mind might be a possibility).

Hope this h
You're absolutely correct. Thank you. :smile: But what do u mean by:

"Be aware he might have a reason to why he is sending mixed signals and it isn't just neccessarily him playing hard to get or messing you around (which you need to bear in mind might be a possibility)."

Like I'm just reading too much into it & he doesn't like me like that or?
Original post by Anonymous
Well first off, I would like to say that don't worry too much about your own sexuality or how Zak might react i.e. Don't try to put yourself in a box! At the end of the day, even if it is a little bit confusing, it doesn't matter what you want to identify as; if Zak or anyone else does truly care about you it wont matter to them, and if anything makes you more interesting than someone who is just a plain LGBT stereotype. Life is way more interesting than that and people are too!

Now back on track, I forgot you guys were at Uni, but even so, I think there is always a chance that rumours could spread and eventually his family could find out that way. Therefore until he is honest with his family he may never be truly open with anyone else and it would definitely complicate anything in public as there is always that background worry of bumping into someone you know :/ because of all this, I wouldn't write off the fact that just because he is away at Uni doesn't mean he is completely comfortable with being out (or more out than otherwise).

It also sounds like he might still be a little paranoid about relationships as it sounds like this ex girlfriend wasn't particularly supportive of him so he might still be a bit worried about being intimate with others...

To be honest, just go with your instinct but be aware he might have a reason to why he is sending mixed signals and it isn't just neccessarily him playing hard to get or messing you around (which you need to bear in mind might be a possibility).

Hope this h

Sorry I'm using my phone so this got jumbled up!
I think you should go for the kill and ask him out.
Original post by Anonymous
QUOTE=Anonymous;47002176]Well first off, I would like to say that don't worry too much about your own sexuality or how Zak might react i.e. Don't try to put yourself in a box! At the end of the day, even if it is a little bit confusing, it doesn't matter what you want to identify as; if Zak or anyone else does truly care about you it wont matter to them, and if anything makes you more interesting than someone who is just a plain LGBT stereotype. Life is way more interesting than that and people are too!

Now back on track, I forgot you guys were at Uni, but even so, I think there is always a chance that rumours could spread and eventually his family could find out that way. Therefore until he is honest with his family he may never be truly open with anyone else and it would definitely complicate anything in public as there is always that background worry of bumping into someone you know :/ because of all this, I wouldn't write off the fact that just because he is away at Uni doesn't mean he is completely comfortable with being out (or more out than otherwise).

It also sounds like he might still be a little paranoid about relationships as it sounds like this ex girlfriend wasn't particularly supportive of him so he might still be a bit worried about being intimate with others...

To be honest, just go with your instinct but be aware he might have a reason to why he is sending mixed signals and it isn't just neccessarily him playing hard to get or messing you around (which you need to bear in mind might be a possibility).

Hope this h

You're absolutely correct. Thank you. :smile: But what do u mean by:

"Be aware he might have a reason to why he is sending mixed signals and it isn't just neccessarily him playing hard to get or messing you around (which you need to bear in mind might be a possibility)."

Like I'm just reading too much into it & he doesn't like me like that or?

Not at all, to be honest I think you are right and he does fancy you, I was just wanting you to keep in mind that he might have more complex reasons for not being 100% comfortable giving you the green light even if he wanted to; it is very rarely as simple as just you "reading too much into it". Basically, build up his trust and personal relationship with you and then possibly make a more serious move towards him, but make sure he always has a way out and doesn't feel pressured into it :biggrin: sorry for any confusion, I was writing that while on the bus in the morning so I might not have been thinking straight ;D
Original post by Anonymous
You're absolutely correct. Thank you. :smile: But what do u mean by:

"Be aware he might have a reason to why he is sending mixed signals and it isn't just neccessarily him playing hard to get or messing you around (which you need to bear in mind might be a possibility)."

Like I'm just reading too much into it & he doesn't like me like that or?


Not at all, to be honest I think you are right and he does fancy you, I was just wanting you to keep in mind that he might have more complex reasons for not being 100% comfortable giving you the green light even if he wanted to; it is very rarely as simple as just you "reading too much into it". Basically, build up his trust and personal relationship with you and then possibly make a more serious move towards him, but make sure he always has a way out and doesn't feel pressured into it :biggrin: sorry for any confusion, I was writing that while on the bus in the morning so I might not have been thinking straight ;D

Oh alright. Thank you very much ^_^

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