Okay, we are back to square one.
''I don't think these thoughts are wrong, but they shouldn't be shared''. Why exactly? Why is that if there's supposedly nothing wrong with fantasizing of giving someone else (besides your SO) few sexual acts, why is it buried deep down in our heads and not talked about explicitly? Is it not wrong of me to have thoughts of torturing/raping someone? Thank God I don't act on those thoughts but are you telling me you'd see absolutely nothing wrong with that? So, if the whole world was listening and I exclaimed that I shouldn't expect to get judged, right?
Surely if you can't help your deliberate fantasizes (and I'm not talking about dreams which you can't help now), surely that can be said same for actions? So why are you condemning cheating? I mean, if you're saying I can't help and make myself stop having those sexual fantasies of giving head to some hot guy I met a second ago, surely I can't help with ACTUALLY doing so. You can't fight strong desires...or at least it's very very hard to do so. Challenging. But if you're saying thoughts are beyond my control then you SHOULD be saying my actions based on those thoughts were out of control too because they derived from those original thoughts which I couldn't help but have. Let's say you put a box of chocolates in front of a child, and you tell the child ''Don't touch them'', 90% of the time the child won't listen. Yes, technically speaking they can help and not touch it, but they will be so tempted, they would. You might judge a child for not listening, but hey, they couldn't help it, right?
Then, it's a bit OTT obsessive controlling to tell your partner not to cheat if they can't help their actions originating from their constant thoughts/desires/fantasies. Isn't it harsh to allow them to fantasize but not allow them to act upon those fantasies? What's the point of having those fantasies in the first place? Surely that's emotional torture? Hey, you can think about having dinner tonight, but you won't be getting it. ...
So you condemn cheating because it would hurt you right? There's no official rule to say that's sinful/wrong, it's how society evolved to think. It's one of those moral issues, despite the fact that humans are designed to be otherwise. Cheating is not illegal in most countries; but yet we think of it as sinful. Then how does it differ from fantasies? Only because the fantasies were acted upon?
You see how everything we do derives from us thinking about it in first place. You don't just go and kill a person. You don't just wake up one morning and automatically cheat on someone without having the thoughts/fantasies prior to those events.
Having those fantasies may be common and that's great and relieving and all, but it's wrong. You, me and everyone else knows that. Otherwise people would have no problem discussing it at a dinner table. ''Hey husband, whom did you want to shag today?''.
Also, as I already said, there's a difference between seeing someone physically attractive and THEN it's a completely and totally different thing to fantasize having sex/performing sexual acts on those attractive people. I often go out into town/anywhere and rarely see a guy and think ''Oh wow, he is attractive''. I don't go like ''Wow, that sexy guy is better to come and **** the life out of me''................................... I'm not a horny dog to want to shag every moving attractive thing I see. I never had desire to have sex with someone if I had no emotional, romantic attraction to them & if I didn't know who the heck they were.
First one is fine for me. I'd know my boyfriend would be lying if I pointed out to him an attractive girl and he said ''No, she is ugly''. Of course, I can't tell him to close his eyes on the world and finding someone hot/attractive etc is not a wrong. Deliberately fantasizing about doing sexual acts to them IS. If you can't help to fantasize sexually about any attractive person you see, you have a PROBLEM. Yes, I don't think it's right/normal for someone who claims to be only in love & to only have sexual feelings for their partner. But I'd say it's normal for someone who has feelings for someone that are not very deep, to the point where they are lusting for someone else.
Even thoughts are red flags; such people could fall into temptation easily. OP knows this is wrong, thus he wouldn't spend his time here making a thread on it. I'm not trying to make him feel bad. I'm expressing my opinion which reassures his and silencing my opinion, i.e. ''you can't tell OP this is wrong'' is not doing your arguement a favour. Realize people have different opinions. I'm in no way saying mine is OFFICIALLY right; just that's it's another opinion and it's MINE. He is more than welcome to listen to you or to whoever else he wants. But it's very hypocritical of you to say you wouldn't want to hear about your boyfriend's fantasies, then a second later claiming that there's nothing wrong with that.
Also, those who need to be sexually validated by others are going to have a wandering eye much more than those who don't >>> narcissism. If you're not looking around to see who's hot/who's not, then you're less likely to be fantasizing about others besides your GF/BF. So yes, those thoughts are therefore are quite frankly much in your control. OP said he USED to find his gf attractive, but not anymore. Oh-oh. Does that not worry you? I used to think Santa was real too. The past doesn't matter much; if he doesn't find her attractive now that explains why he lusts about other girls and whilst I'm not saying he will definitely cheat; I'm not saying he will definitely not cheat either. It's 50:50, but factors such as not finding your gf attractive and THUS finding yourself fantasizing about someone else does well to explain why his ability to cheat could increase from 50%... Inb4 ppl misread this and say I basically said OP will cheat or whatever; I didn't - 'could' is very different from 'would'.
And you know it's wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be in need of using 'anon' function.
Regarding my boyfriend, there's a thing called PM. But what you're kinda hinted at is that my boyfriend has lied because he is scared of consequences. I'll be damned. What if I say (and I'm true to my word) that I wouldn't dump him now if he lied. Go ahead and ask him all you like.