The Student Room Group

Should I give him my virginity?

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Reply 60
Original post by Abstraction
The guy you're talking to sounds strange, you'll probably be able to find a sexual partner closer to home if you look hard enough.

Now that I've given my generic advice, what are you doing a PhD in OP? I'm interested.

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Im a lawyer. My thesis is on Scottish independence and how that would effect membership of the WTO and, if that would mean reapply, whether that could be beneficial. I hope that answers your question.
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 61
Original post by Virgin84
I'm not going to see him. He is coming to visit me (which is nice of him).

And to the guy that said this makes me a prostitute, don't be daft. Pro sutures make a profit from sleeping with the guy. I won't. He will just come to Edinburgh for a weekend and buy a hotel that he will sleep him and I will just join him :wink:

Prostitutes have sex with people who pay for the privilege. The guy is paying to have sex with someone he's never met. You're a prostitute. You're doing a PhD yet you're unable to figure that one out?


Original post by Lotus_Eater
Everyone's missing the simple answer here: wait another few months. Be honest with him, tell him it's your first time and that you want a relationship to develop before you have sex. If he runs for the hills, that tells you it's a bad idea. Hopefully he'll say something to the effect of, 'fine by me'.

Seeing this as a 'now or never' situation is unhelpful, likewise so is comparing it to a ONS in a bar. Most people do still have sex in the context of relationships and that's a good context, especially the first time if you're already feeling vulnerable.

If he's worth having sex with, he should be understanding of the desire to get to know one another better. If you've dated a bit first then some of the legitimate concerns about safety that have been expressed here will be considerably lessened too.

How is telling him the deal (which I think he knows about already) and waiting a while going to mitigate the risk whatsoever? He has nothing to lose in this situation by waiting. If they meet now, he can get laid by paying for transport and a hotel room, then never talk to her again. If they meet later, he can get laid by paying for transport and a hotel room, then never talk to her again.
Original post by WeeMeghann
If the fact that you're a virgin is becoming a mental block, there is no denying that just getting it over with when it isn't such a big thing is going to make you feel more relaxed and more confident. It's just logic.


This is so true. I feel much more confident now and don't feel stupid when people make sexual references (I understood them before, but it's different when you can say 'yeah, I know what you're talking about!'). Some of the looks I used to receive when somebody heard I was a virgin :rolleyes:

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Reply 63
And we have been talking online for 3 months. I didn't tell him I was a virgin for a while but didn't want to lie to him when he started asking about past boyfriends.
Reply 64
Original post by czechmishaout
This is so true. I feel much more confident now and don't feel stupid when people make sexual references (I understood them before, but it's different when you can say 'yeah, I know what you're talking about!'). Some of the looks I used to receive when somebody heard I was a virgin :rolleyes:



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I wish everyone was as understanding as you!
DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

:tongue:
Reply 66
Original post by Virgin84
I wish everyone was as understanding as you!


Honestly, I would think on it. Yeah, you've known him for three months online but the risk is too high. He could not be who he says he is, you could change your mind and he might not respect your boundaries because he'll be travelling all that way and expect sex as a given. Why not get to know someone in person? It's less stressful and if you're not ugly, it'll probably be easier.
Why are you still a virgin at 30? :s
If you trust him go for it. Youre both adults at the end of the day. Do what you think is best
Reply 69
Original post by cole-slaw
If you give someone your virginity, does that mean they become a virgin?


LOL! you are the best hahah. I wish someone gave me one.. I lost mine in the toilet of a pub when I was 14 and the girl was ugly :s-smilie:
Reply 70
I'm not ugly but I have no idea how to flirt. If a guy comes up to me and says something I get all embarrassed so he probably thinks im not interested. I can't even have someone touch my upper arm with giggling :-/
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 71
Original post by Virgin84
Hi, I am a Phd student and I've just turned 30. I am also sadly a virgin. Like the movies, I just seem to have no luck with men. It's not that im ugly (I don't have a hunchback or anything) and im a slim size 8. I just get nervous and probably don't give off the right body language. I have no idea how to flirt. So I started talking to this guy online and he has offered to book a hotel for us and help me with my inexperience. I don't love him but he's ok. Should I do it?


No, don't do it. Sex is very emotional for women and you'll probably end up regretting it. And don't be nervous when talking to guys you like, you're not expected to ''perform'' (be charming, funny, confident etc), the guy knows it's his job. Just relax and enjoy the flight.
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 72
Original post by jamieTT
No, don't do it. Sex is very emotional for women and you'll probably end up regretting it. And don't be nervous when talking to guys you like, you're not expected to ''perform'' (be charming, funny, confident etc), the guy knows it's his job.


Thanks. But guys tend to go for the girl who is obviously interested. I don't know how to convey that :-/
Original post by Virgin84
Hi, I am a Phd student and I've just turned 30. I am also sadly a virgin. Like the movies, I just seem to have no luck with men. It's not that im ugly (I don't have a hunchback or anything) and im a slim size 8. I just get nervous and probably don't give off the right body language. I have no idea how to flirt. So I started talking to this guy online and he has offered to book a hotel for us and help me with my inexperience. I don't love him but he's ok. Should I do it?


Sorry, but it seems to me that you have become so desperate to lose it that you will jump at any guy offering to take it. Is there chemistry? Do you know he is 100% genuine? Are you sexually attracted to him?

I very much doubt you are going to enjoy it and you may end up feeling empty and used afterwards. Personally, I wouldn't advise it.

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Reply 74
Original post by Virgin84
Thanks. But guys tend to go for the girl who is obviously interested. I don't know how to convey that :-/


Smile, maintain eye contact, laugh if you find them funny, give them a slight touch on the arm, let him do most of the talking and don't try to ''keep up'', the spotlight is not on you and guys know that . All these little things are instant triggers for guys, it's all in our subconscious since our cave days :wink:

There is no need to be nervous, guys don't need too much encouragement to go for it. Let him take the lead and just go with the flow. This applies to sex as well, once you are with a guy it's so easy as a woman to give him hints when you're ready : touching , kissing... Guys are very easy to turn on most of the time, you hold the power. This is why you see girls asking all the time why does kissing always have to lead to sex with guys.
It sounds like OP is gonna do it regardless of what anyone says.
Reply 76
Hey, I'm not sure at all. And I'm worried about him. He seems to want a real relationship and I'm not sure im ready for that. He is smart and funny and handsome. I shouldn't think of my ex. But we are definitely over. And I want to be the right women for him.

I do have worries about him not being who he said he as you hear all those stories and he could be a serial killer but I will never know unless I meet him.
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 77
Original post by Virgin84
Hey, I'm not sure at all. And I'm worried about him. He seems to want a real relationship and I'm not sure im ready for that. He is smart and funny and handsome. I should think of my ex. But we are definitely over. And I want to be the right women for him.

I do have worries about him not being who he said he as you hear all those stories and he could be a serial killer but I will never know unless I meet him.

That's kind of the point of deciding not to meet him.
Reply 78
Original post by Ronove
That's kind of the point of deciding not to meet him.


True. But he could be who he says he is and he's a great guy. I don't meet many great guys.
Reply 79
try and meet in a public place first, just try talking to normal guys, its not that hard for a girl to flirt, just try to seem interested in the guy and talk as if you were talking to a girl

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