If you love someone who left you...

Would you and should you be happy to know they were with someone who made them happy when you, or the circumstances surrounding you when with your ex, couldn't do that for them?
Would you want to stick around to hear about it? How long would it take to comfortably hear that?

After all you want the best for them, right?

This is a general q, but the phase of my breakup I'm at now, I'd be pissed off because it'd mean she lied saying we 'couldn't' be together (due to cultural difference, controlling parents etc.) but actually meant she just didn't WANT to (want to be with me at least) and was letting me down gently. And it'd be a massive blow to my pride and future trust.
I wonder if in 6 months I'd be happy to hear it but it'd still make me feel crappy about myself.

I am just curious how long you all reckon it takes to get to the point where you can hear that somebody's doing it better for them than you did and actually feel happy for the person who left you.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 1

Viva Emptiness

If I was still in love with them I'd never be happy about it and would therefore cut them out, putting myself out of my misery.

Reply 2

Lotus_Eater

Original post by Viva Emptiness

If I was still in love with them I'd never be happy about it and would therefore cut them out, putting myself out of my misery.

Suffice it to say, Viva's done it again - in 25 short words she's solved your problem (my own answer to you of about 500 words yesterday obviously didn't get through). For the love sanity man, you need to cut this woman out until you're on top of your feelings HOWEVER LONG THAT TAKES.

Reply 3

TheOneTrueEvian

Depends on how long you were together, how much you loved her, on you as a person, how it ended, your own love life.

The pain subsides but doesn't necessarily go away. I still am wretched from a breakup a year ago. There's definitely an anger phase after the breakup when you're just mad. After a while, it subsided into depression. When that went away, I was sure I didn't love her anymore. Then I realised...I probably still do and unfortunately can't prevent those feelings. Everyday I have flashbacks and thought pangs of it. I don't think I will ever be truly OK with it - even in 15 years if I'm married with kids.

Reply 4

Dragonfly07

I think the only way for you to get over it is to move on. And I disagree with the poster above me, I think it IS possible to move on unless you refuse to let go of it, but it's hard to realise what letting go actually means.

OP, I've been through something similar to you and I think that if your ex started dating "superman" it might actually be a good thing for you because you'll realise that 1) she lied to you about the reason for the breakup (which I believe she did) and 2) she never loved you as much as you loved her. Realising that may be painful, but it helps you realise she's not worth your efforts and move on.

Reply 5

Riku

Original post by Viva Emptiness

If I was still in love with them I'd never be happy about it and would therefore cut them out, putting myself out of my misery.

Difficult to tell whether it's love or attachment and fear of loss.

Original post by Lotus_Eater

It doesn't run to a timetable. You're ready when you're ready. For some people that's days, for others it's much longer.

If you post numerous daily threads about her, then I'd suggest it might be a while.

Suffice it to say, Viva's done it again - in 25 short words she's solved your problem (my own answer to you of about 500 words yesterday obviously didn't get through). For the love sanity man, you need to cut this woman out until you're on top of your feelings HOWEVER LONG THAT TAKES.

Rationally I understand. Sorry I did read what you wrote yday my friend.

Original post by TheOneTrueEvian

Original post by Dragonfly07

1) She might not have, this is just my fear. As a paranoid I have to take these things with a pinch of salt. Still my trust in her has been rocky since December.

2) I wonder if she did to begin with but that faded as I lost myself in her. Cheesy as hell I know. I need to find that again.

Well I feel like I wasn't worth her efforts in my current form (maybe not in the past, my turnoffs being in behaviours like procrastinating avoidance and a bit of clinginess which can be changed rather than just me being a loser in general if that makes sense)- wasn't that TSR's consensus?
maybe I'm being too hard on myself to say if she has to resort to cheating on me it's my fault for boring her/sucking as a bf etc.

would you mind sharing your story?
Also how do YOU define letting go? I'm keeping distance atm because I feel I'm in a toxic friendship where she has the potential to control me knowing I have feelings for her, have her cake and eat it. She still hasn't got back to me since I told her to quit with the patronising comments Monday morning.