Her culture is stopping us been together/dating properly... advice?

Well she's told me a lot about it, every miniscule detail so... I know quite a lot, not a know it all on the subject though I am willing to admit it
She could, but he'd have to be Indian, so...

Hiya! But, the thing is what do i do? I can't cut ties with my parents, they support me a lot financially, they'd probably hit me and lock me up, im doing my A-Levels (in 9 weeks!), so this wouldn't be convenient and I wouldn't have anywhere to go.

Hiya! But, the thing is what do i do? I can't cut ties with my parents, they support me a lot financially, they'd probably hit me and lock me up, im doing my A-Levels (in 9 weeks!), so this wouldn't be convenient and I wouldn't have anywhere to go.

Then the best thing you can do is wait for each other, until the time comes when you're not dependent on your parents, and you can move out together or whatever. If you can stand the test of time it will show you belong together.

I've been in a very similar situation, although her mum was a lot more relaxed than her dad.

Firstly, reading some of the posts on this thread, people need to get off OP's back a little, he isn't pretending to be an expert on the intricacies of Asian culture, and hence why he is here asking for advice, so people should be polite when pointing out details.

In saying that, as many have said, it may not end well. I think a lot of it depends on how seriously she takes her culture, and if she 'prefers' Western culture.

If she plans to leave behind some of the more Conservative culture, then you may have a chance, but that has to be her choice, and not something you can expect.
Many people born in the UK with Asian parents are turning more towards typical Western culture to the expense of tradition, but of course, many are not.

I think what you need to do is ask her directly, explain that you understand how she is expected to behave in regards to tradition and culture, and that you wouldn't expect her to leave her family and tradition for you, if that would make her unhappy. But, if she found them stifling and suffocating anyway, and already intended to immerse herself more into Western culture, then explain you'll be there. She may be inclined towards the latter, especially after threats of physical abuse from her parents.

As I say, I was pretty much exactly like you are now, 1 year ago, so inbox me if I can be of any further help.

Basically back story is we're both young (17). We got talking to each other using the internet, IM'd each other for about a month etc talked to each other everyday and basically realised we finish each others sentences/are perfect for each other, basically like a soulmate. Now I'm not rushing in saying that I want to marry her or anything because we've never really had the chance to properly date. We've been on two dates (lasting 1-2hours long as she did it behind her parents back) together and we just got on so well together cuddled/kissed etc you get the point. If you want a direct comparison you could think of this is as a modern Romeo and Juliet love story, except for the fact that me (the guy) has liberal parents who are accepting of her, whilst her parents are really really conservative.

She has these fears
*Getting hit
*Getting locked up
*Getting sent to India
*Disappointing her parents
*Ruining reputation of parents

Herein lies the problem, I'm white and she's Indian. In her culture she is expected to marry an indian guy full stop. Let me demonstrate how serious her parents are:
she was talking a guy (her best friend) on facebook at night, when she should have been in bed, they found out and they threatened to lock her up and beat her etc. She says she's never really felt loved by them but doesn't really have a choice but to obey them.

I thought I could solve the problem by getting someone in her close family (who is engaged to a white guy) to support and care for her, her cousin. Her cousin said she should focus on her studies (rightfully so), but also said if things at her home get tough she is welcome to stay with her at her place.

All I want now is to be able to date her freely and see if us two are made for each other or not, but there are several problems (Parental approval, Age, Exams, Financial stability and Distance) since our houses are like 1-2hours apart and she rarely if ever gets the opportunity to meet me. I want this to get sorted before uni since I'm moving away from London and she's staying in London

TL;DR; parents won't be accepting of me, I want to date her, help?

That's the thing. We can't just move away. I have to tell my parents if im applying for accommodation, I also have to have my own money to be able to afford such accommodation without them knowing and etc.

Both of them are equally unrelaxed it seems

Cheers bro. I think she prefers Western culture but shes just scared of the consequences of leaving hers (which im not asking her to do) but I'll ask her directly

Yep I accept that. and cheers I'll ask her that directly

Oh its great to hear from someone in a similar situation - I'll definitely PM you later if I have anything to say.

Both of them are equally unrelaxed it seems

Cheers bro. I think she prefers Western culture but shes just scared of the consequences of leaving hers (which im not asking her to do) but I'll ask her directly

Yep I accept that. and cheers I'll ask her that directly

Oh its great to hear from someone in a similar situation - I'll definitely PM you later if I have anything to say.

why not date a white girl ? there are literally millions around ,im sure you can find yourself one . and btw take it from me an asian will never disown their parents for you

That's my thoughts exactly! But, it seems unfair to make him wait 5 years without dating.

Ah, this is so tiring

I'm sure.
And what?

Haven't read all the thread but I would suggest give it time. Once you turn 18 then you're legally classed as adults and therefore can do as you please, within the confines of the law .

If she goes to university she should ideally live away from home and gain her independence, although whether her parents will allow this is another question!

If you reallllllllly wanted to you can run away from home and go to social services and then your parents don't have to be involved. And you'l get a lot more grants and free money basically.

Hello, people! I am the girl, go ahead! What do you want to know?

Nothing against Indian guys, I'm just willing to admit my selfish need to want to shower her with my love & protection, but I'm not Indian so it sucks

Are you who I think you are (that is, if the OP is also who I think he is... )?

Seriously, I would say wait till you're and 18 and then move out if you really wanna be together.

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It's just racism really.

It's very common in the older generations.

My dad's father was polish and mother is italian, she hated my mum(chinese/philipino) and harassed her all the time and tried to break up their marriage. It got to the point where we had to move cities to get away from my dad's family.

With my mum's parents. The father was chinese and the mother was philipino. Her father's family dissaproved of him marrying anyone that wasn't chinese. He came from a very upper class proud chinese family, their ancestor's used to be royalty in one of the kingdoms there.

Really it depends how bad her parent's are. If they are like my Dad's family all she can do is break away from them and cut contact. Thats happened with a few people in my dad's family when we try and search for their names on facebook or whatever and they don't exist anywhere.

Hello, people! I am the girl, go ahead! What do you want to know?

Are you who I think you are (that is, if the OP is also who I think he is... )?

Seriously, I would say wait till you're and 18 and then move out if you really wanna be together.

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OPs girl: He sounds like a total sweetie.

Nothing against Indian guys, I'm just willing to admit my selfish need to want to shower her with my love & protection, but I'm not Indian so it sucks

I am willing to give it time, but she doesn't feel its right to make me wait, which is fair enough but I know I sound like a naive prat saying this but I think at uni and beyond I won't find anyone quite like her.