Is being shy seen as a negative trait in girls?

Basically I've been crushing hard on this guy in my class since the beginning of the year, and when my friend who's good friends with him asked what he thought about me he said that I am really pretty, have a good sense of humour but am too shy and that I need to stop being so shy all the time. The last part of what he said really got to me because my shyness has been a huge insecurity of mine for as long as I can remember, I've always hated the fact that I can't be as open as other people and that it takes me a while to feel comfortable enough to be myself around different people. Only recently have I accepted that I am who I am and it's ok for me to be reserved but when he said that about me it really hurt and makes it seem like I shouldn't be happy with who I am and that being shy is a very negative trait. He's a very chatty extroverted person and it just made me think why is it seen as such a bad personality trait by some people? It's something that people think is good to break out of and is something you should work towards to get rid off. What are your opinions?

Reply 1

Zarek

I think shyness can be a disadvantage to getting on in love and at work. But probably less so for women, where being demure is seen as a feminine trait and brings with it some mystery. Generally the strong desire to find a partner / reproduce drives people to find a way through shyness. I speak as a moderately shy person.

Reply 2

Double Agent

Its not a bad trait as such, but by its nature makes you much harder to read and engage with. Remember he's confident and chatty, but he's not a mind reader. If you like him, tell him and show him.

Reply 3

username1063128

I'm a girl and there's a shy guy I am really attracted to and he's VERY shy. I think his shyness is quite mysterious since I'm quite loud and talkative so I'm really intrigued when talking to him. I just think it's a matter of preferences :smile:

Reply 4

alipx

Original post by luckylaurax

Exactly the same as me! However whenever I'm around him I get incredibly shy and can hardly talk, when normally I don't stop talking! Haha, any tips?

Reply 5

RosyPearl

I'm usually shy around people who I'm not familiar with, but then when I get used to them I become more myself.
Being shy isn't necessary a bad thing, some guys like it because they make girls appear mysterious which is appealing.

But when your crushing on someone it can become a curse, it doesn't really bother me though because I would never make the first move, I think guys should be the ones to pursue girls for relationships..so I'll just wait for them to budge.

Reply 6

username1063128

Original post by alipx

Exactly the same as me! However whenever I'm around him I get incredibly shy and can hardly talk, when normally I don't stop talking! Haha, any tips?

Maybe try to be friends first? It would help you get comfortable around him so you can eventually talk to him :smile:

Reply 7

Zarek

Original post by RosyPearl

I would never make the first move, I think guys should be the ones to pursue girls for relationships..so I'll just wait for them to budge.

You have to at least give a few clues you're up for it, mind..

Reply 8

Get_Buckets

Shy girls aren't seen to be as bad as shy guys. Whereas shy girls are seen as cute, shy guys are almost always seen as lame or having no social skills. It doesn't help guys that they are expected to make the moves, so they have to improve and not be shy, while girls CAN stay that way but I think being shy doesn't help anybody. I know from my own experience.

Reply 9

RosyPearl

Original post by Zarek

You have to at least give a few clues you're up for it, mind..

lol I know that, It's all about non-verbal communication!

Reply 10

BefuddledPenguin

I always see shyness as a positive trait, I don't think I've ever been attracted to someone who isn't shy.

Reply 11

alipx

Original post by luckylaurax

Maybe try to be friends first? It would help you get comfortable around him so you can eventually talk to him :smile:

True but there's some rumors going round about us atm so the whole situation is a little bit awks cos idk if he likes me and, I think, he doesn't know if I like him or not, so yeah it's a bit awks haha, and idk if the rumors started because he told his friends that he liked me, cos they would do that, or if it because he told them that he thinks I like him or something completely different haha it's just a bit confusing :tongue:

Reply 12

Aivicore

I think in general, shyness tends to be more frequently accepted in women than in men, as it's often seen as submissive/cute and therefore "feminine".

That said, this guy is chatty, loud and confident. Neither way of being is "better", but they're clearly different and possibly incompatible. There's nothing inherently wrong with being shy, but it's always going to be unattractive to some people, just as being loud might be unattractive to someone else.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I'm personally not shy and quite alphamale and I think shyness in girls is really cute and definitely a positive trait.

I don't mean so shy that you are not able to talk, but I really find girls who are a little shy extremely cute!

If I could define my ideal girl, there would be "a little shy" in the description. I really don't find the extreme opposite attractive, especially girls who talk very openly about banging guys or have any manly habits.

Reply 14

lyudi invalidy

not reading all that, but tbh being shy is a negative trait in anyone. worse in guys though. i'm a shy girl and i ****ing hate it.

No, only in guys.

I find Shy girls incredibly attractive / cute.

I'm a shy guy so perhaps that's why, I know we're the best ones to catch :wink:

Reply 17

elixira

I've always been shy, it's improved naturally with age though. Most people say I come across as confident AND/OR quiet. I guess quietly confident?!

The sooner you accept you're a quiet person and you're never gonna be a really outspoken extroverted type, the sooner you will develop confidence which will, funnily enough, bring you out of your shell a bit so you'll end up less shy anyway.

I'd say shyness is only off-putting when the person is really awkward and withdrawn and seems uncomfortable in themselves. I was like that in school and no one liked me, since I got a bit more confident in college, I've had no trouble with guys.

I love shy guys, like I said not super-awkward or anything, but a quietly confident, kind of mysterious guy is so hot.