Stressed...about potential marriage to a cousin

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Yes, ive thought about doing an istikhara and if that gave me feeling that i should do it then i would. im indecisive in general so even if that said out loud in big letters that i should i wouldnt be sure lol

Yeah do istikhara and pray to Allah for sincere guidance. I think what you feel is normal though, since you are shy and haven't really socialised with girls you may feel uneasy, but do what makes you feel comfortable and remember your parents want the best for you. I wouldn't rule out getting to know her though if you couldn't find someone else, she may have an attractive personality and there is a likelihood that she will show greater respect and honour to you and your family because you are related to her.May Allah help you find the right spouse.

Reply 41

czechmishaout

Have you talked to the girl? Does she want to marry you, or is she against it as well?
Does she know you'd only marry her as a live-in caregiver for your mother?
If neither of you like the other one, you're facing a real risk of having disabled children because you're related, she'd have problems moving to the UK, why would you agree to it? It would be easier to find somebody on your own.
Also, your dismissal of the previously-mentioned lady just because of her age is very.. Let's just say, this is not the 18th century.

Reply 42

Expanding Dong

Go for it Incest is Wincest :colone:

Reply 43

Anonymous #2

I'm a British-Pakistani male with first-cousin parents.

Listen up, dimwit: You say you can handle a kid with genetic defects. Well, guess what? It's not about you.

What do you think the kid's life is gonna be like? Never mind the fact that they may end up with a chronic disease or worse (I myself got lucky and only have a platelet deficiency disorder which means I wake up with my mouth and nose covered with blood every morning, and if I get into any barely-serious accident I'm a dead man), how are they gonna handle the stigma when the inevitable incest jokes come up? How are they going to explain how their parents look so similiar to their significant other? Actually, how are they even going to get into a relationship, given how fugly they are and how they're basically a walking STD factory with all that blood?

It's truly shocking how selfish you're being. Take it from someone with first-hand experience of life as a genetic freak: Don't do this.

Reply 44

Anonymous #2

One other thing: It's not all about the physical stuff either. I have a reputation for being a bit of a mental case with issues that just don't seem to affect other people, as does a relative of mine who's also the product of first-cousin breeding. I'm not medical scientist but I have a good reason as to what's behind it.

Reply 45

FKLW

Original post by Sabertooth

Marrying a first cousin? Not a good idea. Are you aware that the risk of birth defects in the Pakistani community in Britain is significantly higher than any other group?

This is unproven, correlation doesn't equal a causation and the "increased" risk is minuscule.

However, OP, if you don't want to do it then don't. Your parents will understand, forced marriage is haram :smile:

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Reply 46

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

just to clarify, Im not going into this potential marriage thinking if we have a disabled kid, ill handle it. im saying that IF it happened, then I, like anyone else, would try to deal with it the best I can. Although what I don’t want is to marry her and we had a disabled kid (IF we did) and me feeling anger towards my parents, kinda looking at them and saying “look, this is whats happened!”. if anyone understands my meaning?

Incredible. You, you, you: That's all you're thinking about. If Hell exists, I hope you go to it.

be a man and say no?

Original post by Anonymous

so im 27 years of age and getting to that stage where in the pakistani culture, i should be married off and having the stable marital life that my siblings have.

i dont. not yet yet anyway. im in a dilemma about going ahead with what my parents would like by marrying my first cousin from pakistan. she is a nice girl and would look after my parents well and she's polite etc. but i don't feel any attraction to her. i'm a man and i need to feel attraction to a woman and then get to know them etc.

my family members feel i should marry her as they feel she is right for me. and also my mother's disabled and they feel she would be able to handle that responsilbiltiy.

ive got myself a job that im two months into and not sure i can handle the stress of self doubt of trying to make sure to hold onto that job and sorting this marriage stuff out.

also i don't think i can handle the pressure of bringing her over as the visa rules have been changed (have to be earning 18k a year or savings of 60k?) and my job history suggests i might not be able to stick to the job ive got but hopefully i do just for my own confidence.

im a very shy person and havent had relationships with girls and hence i dont have many options in the uk so this girl from pakistan seems the only one but expressing my reason for not wanting to marry her, i.e attraction, is difficult to express to traditional pakistani parents as its not a good enough reason potentially.

advice appreciated people

personally, i think you shouldn't. but thats my opinion from what i'v read. in some ways i think go for it but girls from pakistan... once they come here they change. obviously this isnt everyone but majority do. they become lazy, do nothing, skype all day. Unless ofcourse as a husband you feel you could make sure she fulfills her duties as a wife and daughter in law.

Marriage is a big thing. you can't force yourself to love someone just because your growing old and think noone else is will come along. tbh, just be patient and wait. Do istikhara, if its meant to be then go for it.

(Probably made no sense but yh) :smile:

Reply 49

iammeyouareyou

I'm Pakistani and, although I'm not in your situation, I sympathize with your predicament.
I do understand where you're coming but I don't think you should marry a girl if your heart is not in it.
If you do marry her and have problems down the line, you might start to resent your family members. Also, 27 is not that old (despite what some people in our culture may think) and it could be that you end up meeting a girl that you are attracted to.