Dating as a loner / lonely girl?

So, I would like to know guy's honest opinions on girls that are loners. I've been like this for a very long time. I don't have any close friends and I just try to live my life and hope that somehow things will change over time. I often feel lonely, but I like being by myself as well. Now, even in college with so many people, I have a hard time making friends, I'm also shy and quiet with people I don't know well. I also really want to get to know guys and date, but I feel like it's hardly possible, because I'm a loner and shy and guys usually end up talking and hanging out with the outgoing girls.
Do guys assume really weird things about lonely girls? That they could become clingy, desperate, obsessed? Because I have a feeling they avoid those type of girls/me? I'm so tired of always being the quiet and shy one and not being able to express myself.

Reply 1

leyjul

OP

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(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 2

So Instinct

20

I don't usually care much tbh, nor do I make assumptions. No different to dating a girl with lots of friends for me.

Reply 3

Really_now

14

I wouldn't mind as long as I was attracted to you and you were fun.

Reply 4

LJStudent

15

Classical evolutionary psychology would state that males would seek a potential mate of good social standing and high status, but this is more prominent for women seeking men than the other way around. I personally would not have a problem with it because I know what's it's like to have been in a similar situation but I can't say for sure what others' reactions would be. If you think about it this way, this may help give you a little perspective - if they don't want to be your friend/date you because of the reasons you have stated, they're probably not worth your time :smile:

Good luck.

Reply 5

Genocidal

19

Those are the best girls, at least in my opinion. They tend to be more interesting than the girls who have lots of friends and who're always out clubbing/shopping/other pointless crap. Of course, it's a massive generalisation, but I suppose that's why we're here.

Reply 6

climbing_trees88

3

Original post by leyjul

So, I would like to know guy's honest opinions on girls that are loners. I've been like this for a very long time. I don't have any close friends and I just try to live my life and hope that somehow things will change over time. I often feel lonely, but I like being by myself as well. Now, even in college with so many people, I have a hard time making friends, I'm also shy and quiet with people I don't know well. I also really want to get to know guys and date, but I feel like it's hardly possible, because I'm a loner and shy and guys usually end up talking and hanging out with the outgoing girls.
Do guys assume really weird things about lonely girls? That they could become clingy, desperate, obsessed? Because I have a feeling they avoid those type of girls/me? I'm so tired of always being the quiet and shy one and not being able to express myself.

I find it quite an attractive quality when someone is very independent and doesn't simply go along with the crowd, I definitely don't assume theyre wierd because of it. With introverts in general it feels like there's a lot more to discover about their personality and in a way when you get to know them it feels more special because you get to see a side that not everyone does.

Reply 7

Tom78

18

I roam around a lot on my ones here at Uni, its good for your independence and confidence - ironically - I think.

Reply 8

Double Agent

18

You are defining yourself as shy and a loner, I am guess because that is how you feel others see you and how you've been told you are. I bet once you get to know people you're actually quite open and fun and full of personality. Thats the side guys love, but they can't read your mind and shyness creates a fog around you that both excludes you and stops others reaching in.

Reply 9

Anonymous Coward

2

Original post by LJStudent

Classical evolutionary psychology would state that males would seek a potential mate of good social standing and high status, but this is more prominent for women seeking men than the other way around.

This is the truth.
However, there are still loads of guys who'd date a 'loner', so you've got hope.

Reply 10

shawn_o1

21

Stop moaning and prove that you are lovable.

I've known a fair few girls down the years who have no social life outside of their boyfriend - either they abandon all of their friends and have nobody except him, or they just hang around with his friends.

It's not a problem on its own, but the girl would need to understand that I have my own friends and my own life, and I wouldn't want to spend every waking moment with her. A lot of the girls who I mentioned above were far too clingy/possessive. Relying on one person for your happiness isn't healthy for either person involved.

Reply 12

xSor

@OP

"Do guys assume really weird things about lonely girls? That they could become clingy, desperate, obsessed?"
- Personally I don't, sometimes its fun trying to "open" up a shy/lonely girl and I don't mean open by sexually - Just getting to know them etc.

My girlfriend was initially social with her friends, but when we started dating as "sr90" said:
"I've known a fair few girls down the years who have no social life outside of their boyfriend"
Which is what happened between her as she dedicated her time to me and her family, though she believed she did not have any "real" friends and can do without the drama.

To wrap it up, I personally don't assume or think anything weird about the girl even if she's shy, lonely or mysterious. I believe it just gives out a vibe that you do not want to be approached etc.

Reply 13

leyjul

OP

Wow, so many replies, thanks everyone !

Reply 14

cole-slaw

5

Original post by leyjul

Wow, so many replies, thanks everyone !

What are you going to do?

Reply 15

leyjul

OP

Original post by cole-slaw

What are you going to do?

I'm surprised to hear that guys may not even pay attention to things like that or mind it if a girl is like that.but it's that I used to think that,in situations like..if a guy looks at me many times he is just curious but doesnt want to talk to me - otherwise he would have. .... Its also cause I'm used to being the lonely one since hughschool I think.,totally wrong mind set .I just want to talk to guys but I feel like I've lost many chances ..I'm in college,sophomore and haven't made any guy friends yet, not even just aquintances..

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 16

cole-slaw

5

Original post by leyjul

I'm surprised to hear that guys may not even pay attention to things like that or mind it if a girl is like that.but it's that I used to think that,in situations like..if a guy looks at me many times he is just curious but doesnt want to talk to me - otherwise he would have. .... Its also cause I'm used to being the lonely one since hughschool I think.,totally wrong mind set .I just want to talk to guys but I feel like I've lost many chances ..I'm in college,sophomore and haven't made any guy friends yet, not even just aquintances..

In the US?

Reply 17

huhwhat

Like most people, I judge. The amount of friends a girl has is however not something I care about that much.
The problem would be if she actually preferred being in that situation (as opposed to not taking enough risks, which is the usual reason for people being lonely).

To put it another way, how often you are alone doesn't matter. How open you are when I try to talk to you does. You don't need to be on the "open" part of the "closed/open" scale, of course, but there has to be something.

(edited 10 years ago)

Dating as a loner / lonely girl?

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