The Student Room Group

Severely Depressed - Can't Stand/Really Hate Other People?

Looking back, I've had depression for the last few years (very abusive and traumatic childhood and Social Services were ****ing useless, was pretty much locked indoors till I went to uni and then was bullied at uni/had to scrounge due to lack of finances and didn't fit in).

Soon I will have no family (I'm cutting off contact) and friends too (pretty much everyone I used to know looks down on me and I haven't been in contact with people since I graduated last summer. I graduated without even going to the goddamn ceremony because I had no family to bring or friends to sit with). I have been severely depressed recently, felt like I was stuck in a career hole re: salary and pretty much like ending it all.

I'm moving for work soon and I just want to say screw it all and get a new life. The thing is, though, even though I'm very extroverted/have good social skills (my job now pretty much demands it) I'm starting to absolutely loath other people. I'm just goddamn sick and tired of being hurt. Everyone I've trusted in my life has hurt me sooner or later, people just seem selfish unless it's with their family (which I don't have) or someone they want to date or something. People are so fickle too.

I haven't seen a GP because of this. I've read about people with depression being judged on here and I don't want to just be brushed off. I can't even interact with people "normally" to, in that I can hold a normal conversation but am tired of being any nicer than is absolutely required. I've gone from codependency to being selfish and I don't even give a damn.

I also feel like I really want friends (it's been a while since I ever had a proper friend, at uni and even then we fell out because they insisted on smoking in the flat and I told the warden because they nearly started a fire) but at the same time I'm sick and tired of getting hurt and judged by people. I've been through so much that even when strangers joke around with me I feel like I'm being stabbed inside as I'm sick of not being respected. I would rather focus on myself than waste time on other human beings who don't really care about me and are shallow.

Not sure what else to say. Advice would be appreciated.

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