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Feel like a lot of girls are attracted to my boyfriend

He hasn't done anything wrong, I suppose I just find it hard to deal with sometimes.

He is generally considered attractive by women; I'm not boasting or anything like that, because looks really aren't everything, I'm just saying that because of how women have acted towards him in the 2 years we've been together.

He had a few short-term girlfriends before me, and one long-term one. He was also good friends with some females (he still is, but with different ones now, and he generally gets on well with girls)

He told me how he made out with so many girls as a teenager, and while he hasn't slept with many girls, he's always had a lot interested in him. When I started getting to know him, and then dating, there were maybe 3 girls at that point who were apparently acting weird with him, and when they found out about me, 2 of them stopped talking to him.
He told me one of his good friends from school was always flirting with him and stuff, but then eventually got a boyfriend.

A couple of girls in his uni course said he was good-looking, and one of them even wrote 'Happy birthday handsome' on his wall, knowing he he had a girlfriend.
Now he works with a lot of girls, and I know he is good friends with them. I trust him to not do anything, he would not be with me or be living with me if he wanted one of them. It's just that these girls need to back off sometimes, in my opinion.

One of them, who's a good friend of his, said he was 'so good-looking'. (She does seem friendly and they talk about me and stuff apparently) and another said he was handsome, and how much she likes him. Every time he has a haircut or a new outfit/shoes, you'd think he had discovered world peace or something, they are always telling him how much they love the hair/shirt etc. every single one of them, teasing him etc.

This is the thing that really got me though. The other day, one of them (he won't tell me which) told him that he looked sexy. I tried to make a joke of it but I was fuming. Saying someone is good-looking is fine, but sexy, when they are taken, is bang out of order in my opinion.
I haven't said anything about it, because I don't want to come across jealous (I have done in the past) but I just find it hard dealing with all of the girls. He is very intelligent, funny, doing well in his job, and I know he is with me, but I wonder if these girls are just waiting for us to break up.
Sometimes we go out and girls just stare at him, even when they see me with him. I want to belt them to be honest. Even my friends have stared at him before.
I'm not someone who receives a lot of attention from guys and so I couldn't tell you how he is in this situation. I know all of this because he tells me btw.
But when I suggested (in a sort of jokey way) that they all wanted him, he told me I was being silly.
I would just like to have any advice on how to deal with this? Thanks so much.

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Reply 1

Crumpet1

Your jealousy is going to eat you up unless you can look beyond it. You can't lock him up in a box Cliff Richard style. So if you can't stop it, the only thing you can do is relax about it and take it as the compliment that it is. Most of these comments directly to you could be answered "Thank you, yes I think so too" and a wink.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 2

donutaud15

There's not much you can do. So long as your boyfriend isn't doing anything wrong then I don't really see the problem.

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Reply 3

alis-volatpropriis

Those girls sound terribly desperate and ridiculous. I can't stand women that compliment taken men to the brink of insanity. There was a thread on here a while back that said men become more attractive to women when they are in a relationship, maybe this applies to your situation? Your boyfriend is some type of forbidden fruit, that the women around him seem to want so desperately.

At the end of it all, your boyfriend is with you, if he wanted them he'd be single. Look past it, jealousy is a green eyed monster that can ruin relationships and lead to a lack of trust.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Thanks for the replies. Yeah, I know there is nothing I can do to change that. They are his colleagues and he is going to see them every day. Some of them have boyfriends apparently. They are allowed to have their opinion, but I doubt they'd be very happy if I was calling their boyfriend sexy. I just find them over-the-top. I was a bit jealous over one of them because he told me how funny she was, and that someone said they were acting like a married couple, they were always making fun of each other etc. I stupidly got a bit upset and he reassured me that I was being silly, he only thought she was funny, that's all, and so I'm fine with that now.
I will just try to take it as a compliment, and not think about it too much :smile:

Reply 5

Jaegon Targaryen

Be proud , it sounds like he could have his pick from any girl but he chose you.

Its just one of those things you have you put up with when you have a really attractive partner.

That being said I think I would get pissed off too, probably would make a public display of affection or something but then it would look like you have something to prove ...

Reply 6

Old_Simon

You could try going out with a plain looking guy instead. Then you won't get these pangs.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Yeah you're right :smile:

It used to make me feel like maybe I wasn't good enough and eventually he would find one of these girls better. But we've been together a while, living together, and I should never think like that. I just get p****d at these girls, but all I can do is forget about them and not give a damn.

Reply 8

antipathy

When you're in public and this kind of thing happens, you could always just touch his arm, or lean on his shoulder or similar.

Just a small public gesture of 'mine'. Girls will definitely notice that kind of thing, and its much better than getting in an argument about it.

Reply 9

Musie Suzie

Are you secure in yourself and your own looks, OP? I understand how you're feeling and think a lot of girls in your position would feel the same way, but I think that being confident in yourself in terms of your looks and your worth would help you to be more at ease with the situation.

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Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Thanks for replies :smile:

In the past i've rated how attractive I must be based on how other people react to me, what people say, and even stupid things like 'facebook likes' lol.
I've suffered with issues over my looks for a long time, but now I'm much better.
I am more secure in the way I look now, and people tell me I am a nice person.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Yesterday I made a joke to him about how his 'female fan club' were doing. I was trying to give the impression that I was ok with it, and make light of it, but I think maybe I should just say nothing. If he tells me what someone's said though, I don't know how to react. Do I say nothing, do I laugh, or what?

Reply 12

PricklyPorcupine

What matters is that he loves, he asks you how your day was and knows when there's something wrong- most of the time. If he's with you and he's faithful to you, he clearly prefers you over those other girls and you are better for him than they are. It doesn't matter if you feel insecure about how you look and worried that they're more attractive (which I assume is the reason for this post), because compatibility is based on other things like personality too and they may find him attractive but it does not mean they are meant to be in a relationship with him just because they have a crush on him. e.g. you are extremely attracted to a married celebrity and you want to be with them but you are only going on physical attraction and what little you know about them; in the same way, you are the spouse: you are attracted to him but you also know all those personal little details that they don't.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 13

scrotgrot

1. Men become more attractive when validated by an existing relationship
2. People say that sort of thing all the time, Crumpet's suggestion in post 2 is spot on.
3. Just enjoy the fact that you're with a hot guy and YOU get to have him while those other girls don't. You can both share that ego boost together as well.

If really feeling threatened Antipathy's suggestion is also good.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 14

RoyalMarine

oh dear oh dear, you have just found out that girls like attractive boys and that this leads to cheating.What a discovery isn't it?And I don't get the 'I know he's not doing anything' because he certainly would never tell he has touched another girl.This is the real world dear.I think the problem is this unnatural monogamous tradition that contradicts the human nature

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 15

username728604

Original post by Anonymous

Not being funny but why does he feel the need to tell you what all these girls are saying, especially if he's aware it makes you feel uncomfortable? Think about that. Also, don't bring it up at all, going out of your way to pretend you don't care is even worse than openly giving a damn. Tell him you don't need to know every time a girl gives him compliment and try not to be jealous - you worrying isn't going to change anything and could even end up turning him off. Go out, get dressed up and get some compliments of your own if it will help you feel better.

Reply 16

The Empire Odyssey

I think the fact that he is with you, you should have nothing to worry about. I personally think it's healthy to fell jealousy when you're in a relationship. It just shows you love your partner and you want them which is a nice feeling really.

Just be happy that he is with you and you are with him. If he is like amazingly good-looking then flaunt him. Make other girls jealous.

Change the game, don't let the game change you :wink:

Reply 17

aspirinpharmacist

From the perspective of someone who spent their earlier teenage years with unfortunate crushes on guys with girlfriends, I think you need to work past it. And especially when it comes to people looking at him in the street. It's like looking at an nice car you know you'll never have, you just notice it's nice and then move on with your life. Unless you're deranged, you don't feel a wild desire to steal it, or obsess over it. Most girls have the moral integrity not to make a move on someone with girlfriend, and he sounds like the type of guy who wouldn't cheat, so it sounds like there's nothing to worry about there. I do agree with you that they shouldn't go around telling him how sexy he is though. There's no need to fawn over him. I've got good-looking friends with girlfriends, if anything I take the mick out of them more than anything, same as I would with my brother. Equally my housemates boyfriends are fairly good-looking and they're lovely guys but they're totally safe from me, nothing wrong with joking with them and having a chat but I don't think I've ever remarked on their looks.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 18

LightBlueSoldier

Original post by Nomes89

There's a thin line between honesty and making your partner uncomfortable when it comes to other women. Maybe OPs bf is being a bit too honest but better that than not enough.

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Reply 19

Zarek

It's the price you pay for a 'so attractive' bf. Just keep your own figure, clothes, makeup etc. up to scratch. It's the law of the jungle out there...