Is being a nice guy something that won't benefit me?

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Fair play, I have no interest in arguing with you.

If you feel that some failed interactions with women are based on how attractive you are or how she has perceived your attractiveness then that's just how you are.

Hope you have good luck not getting with the all lovely ladies because you aren't confident that your looks aren't good enough because that's all your statement really implied in the first place. You just simply aren't confident with how attractive you are compared to her and THAT is unattractive.

I agree the fair rest is probably a bit of waffle as I'm terribly hungover today and currently having to listen to my twatty, posh, up his arse coworker talk about estonian politics so I apologize.

Don't worry pal. I really just meant that being attractive tends to (not always does) mean that despite being a 'douche' or a 'pushover' you can still get attention from the girls you like. Acting the 'douche' is only a horrible idea, if you are an average-looking guy.

You were categorising certain girls that certain types of guys/personalities will attract, and I was just stating that looks are often a huge factor in the equation.

It wasn't really related to me (I feel pretty good about my appearance in all honesty), but guys in general.
I do agree with you that having confidence will help any guy ('attractive' or not) and guys shouldn't feel defeated because they don't feel attractive enough for the girl they like, and that other factors are also just as important.

My point was only related to the 'nice guy' and 'douche' comment you made.
You can usually get away with being a pushover or douche if you're 'attractive'.

Reply 21

Knighted

Original post by Anonymous Coward

My point was only related to the 'nice guy' and 'douche' comment you made.
You can usually get away with being a pushover or douche if you're 'attractive'.

I wouldn't agree that it is a HUGE factor especially with women as personally I think...why would you want to spend time with somebody who ISN'T interesting. Looks would be a big if not only factor is I just wanted to get laid but then I'd clearly state to her that that is all I wanted, not string her along like a douchebag.

I do agree that if you are above a certain level of attractiveness you are much more likely to be able to get away with being a douche but not in every situation but yes definitely more likely.

I just hate the generic "OH IM SO UGLY WOEISME BUT ALL DA GIRLS R EVIL COS THEY LIKE THE BAD BOYS!!!" statement you hear all too often from guys who probably don't look after themselves like they should or build up their personalities/find something else to grab a girls attention. They just blame their loneliness on something "out of their control."

(Just for the confusion. I know I used words to indicate that I was talking about you but it was meant to be an overall general thing. If you get me)

## http://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bj3W3fxCQAARJ2l.png:medium Here's banecat for not letting this conversation turn into an argument. Well played Sir.

Reply 22

Dragonfly07

Think back. Who have most of your "niceness" been directed towards? If it's been more directed at girls than anyone else, it isn't niceness.

Reply 23

huhwhat

Nothing wrong with being nice, as long as you're doing it for the right reasons and not expecting things in return (you should get things, but still not expect them).

But, often you don't get what you want simply by being nice. Gotta cross some lines to get it.

Reply 24

member327593

Be nice but not a doormat.

Thats all.

Reply 25

Genocidal

Depends on your age and your intentions.

Little girls like bad men because they're young and moronic and it's designed to be a sexual relationship exclusively. Real women love nice men because they'd like to build a future with them.

Reply 26

bluemax

Original post by Jessaay!

Then why are you moaning about how it's unfair that you've not got a girl yet? If you were truly self confident, you'd realise that they just didn't find you attractive (in terms of both personality and looks) but that doesn't mean they don't value you and no one will?

As I said, self-pity.

My my! you've totally rocked this thread with your omniscient contributions. Seldom I've come across such good and realistic comments on TSR.

On a side note. I can't help but question after seeing this one: were you with a whiner at some point? :lol:

Reply 27

Jessaay!

Original post by bluemax

I wasn't with a whiner :P. However, I have been persued by whiners, once one of them decided to tarnish my name by saying I 'led him on' and that I clearly just wanted to go out with a 'dickhead' and I brought bad things onto myself by not going out with 'good people' (the guy I chose when this guy liked me turned out to be a douchebag but I didn't know beforehand).

I find the whole 'Women are bitches because I'm nice but she won't goddamn sleep with me!' an appalling attitude to take on life. Women can choose whomever they like to sleep with. You cannot bribe them into sleeping with you on the notion that you're nice to them. If you're truly nice, you'll be nice to a person whether or not you feel like you're getting something out of it. I see this post as a kind of branch of that attitude... 'I'm a really nice guy but women I want don't go for me so something is wrong with humanity'. I also see it all over the internet when people say all women want is 'money' or douchebags with big cocks or they're manipulative in some way and will put you in the 'friendzone' for funsies.

Reply 28

Anonymous #1

My kindness is to anyone who deserves it. :biggrin:

And this is getting hilarious.

Reply 29

MasterJomi

You don't get girls, not for being nice, but because you're just not an attractive person. Be that looks, personality or both.

Being nice is just one personality trait, if that's all you've got going for you then no wonder girls aren't interested. Niceness is great for friendship, but if you want more then you've got to bring more to the table.

Simple as that.

Reply 30

Anonymous #1

Woah. If I wasn't attractive, in both personality and looks. Why have plenty of girls expressed interest in me before? You don't even know who I am. Yet you're all making out I'm both unattractive and some sort of sexist creep who only does what any decent human should for something?
Damn

Reply 31

bluemax

Original post by Anonymous

Girls might be interested in you. But if you turn out to be moaner they will soon lose interest in you. Maybe you're not what people are perceiving you to be. My advice take whatever you can from this thread and see what you can do about it with your situation.

Reply 32

bluemax

Original post by Jessaay!

So I was close :tongue:

anyway its okay to be with whoever rocks your boat :lol:

A lot of guys tend to befriend girls they fancy. The psyche is that 'if I treat her well and be nice to her, she'll fall for me' Often this approach turns out to be a disastrous mistake. I can't exactly blame guys for this approach either because walking up to a pretty girl and start a conversation to get her interested does require big balls, not something everyone possess.

The friendzone can turn out for both genders. Though I agree a lot more guys moan about it than girls. I guess people should make their intentions clear in the beginning.

PS: not sure why I my earlier post became 'anon'

Reply 33

elpistolero7

Original post by Jessaay!

So I repped you the other day. Are you saying you won't be my wife now? :mad:

. Evil wimminz :mad:

.

Huge difference between the normal nice guy and the "nice guy" syndrome though.

Reply 34

Jessaay!

Original post by elpistolero7

So I repped you the other day. Are you saying you won't be my wife now? :mad:

. Evil wimminz :mad:

.

Huge difference between the normal nice guy and the "nice guy" syndrome though.

My price is far higher than the price of rep, scuse me! :P

And yeah of course, I'd like to think I know a lot of nice guys. I don't know any 'Nice Guys' though.

Reply 35

Jessaay!

Original post by Anonymous

What advice did you want/expect?

We're saying that, by the sounds of things, you're blaming being 'nice' and girls wanting to go for the bad guys as the reason you didn't get the last girl you pursued. You're the one acting like being nice is the be-all and end-all of your personality. You said nothing about whether or not you're funny, or attractive, or anything previously.

You're just debating any advice you're given and it seems to me you just wanted a stream of comments saying 'yeah, poor you, you were treated horribly. Girls don't go for decent, attractive guys!'

Reply 36

elpistolero7

Original post by Jessaay!

My price is far higher than the price of rep, scuse me! :P

And yeah of course, I'd like to think I know a lot of nice guys. I don't know any 'Nice Guys' though.

. You've broken my heart with all this misleading.

The fellow who you mention in one of your posts "the whiner" :tongue:

sounds like a bloke with a serious case of "nice guy" syndrome.

.

I hope your experience was like this comic :lol:

Reply 37

daviesc

Original post by Anonymous

I've got a reputation for being a 'Nice Guy' as in, I joke around, treat people well, make sure everyones alright and generally be respectful. For example, theres one girl in our year (I'm in Y11) and she's incredibly pretty, but, the others guys only comment on her backside and plenty of times, she's had to inform teachers of harassment. I treat her like a sister, whenever she feels the slightest ill, I'll help her and I treat her well. To the others guys, this is flirting and it pisses me off, I'll admit, she's very pretty and kind. But I don't feel that attraction for her.
I've also been told that, I'm 'Too kind' as in, I care for others so much, and relationships won't work out for me. Just a short time back, I was chasing someone and it turned out they were seeing someone else. Things happened, taunts were made and I pretty much ended up on the outside. I think being 'nice' is ok, I mean, really? Am I meant to be a sexist pig or something? I don't fake being nice. Hell, I still joke around, taunt others and have fun. I'm not a bully. Just a nice person, but everyone warns me that i shouldn't be so caring of others. Another friend also said to me: If I was to get with you, it would be marriage, not a fling. Because people like you are for the long-term.
Compliment or what?

I get what you're saying- I've been accused of flirting when I'm genuinely just being nice! Just forget them and carry on as you are. Same can be said for being a nice girl I guess, in my case anyway!v :s-smilie:

Reply 38

ChildInDisguise

I actually prefer guys who are nice. The guy I like at the moment though constantly makes jokes about his weight because that's what he's unconfident about. To be honest I find it really annoying...
It feels like he's just saying it to try get sympathy and that really annoys me. He is nice though.

In my opinion, nice guys are better. I actually sort of like shy people because I think they're really cute :3 But even then, I don't want someone who can't actually talk to me. I want someone to ask me instead of it being the other way round.

I do feel like I have to be attracted to them. On the other hand, I know someone who is completely lovely but isn't that attractive. Funny thing is my best friend is going out with him (:

I would never date a guy who is overconfident or pushy. Over that, the nice guy wins! I just want them to not be clingy and give me some space. Like don't constantly text! That's really annoying aha, but other than that it's all good ^_^