She's moved on, I haven't - and cannot avoid her. Please advise.

Hi my gf decided to break up because of her commitment issues after 3 months together in Jan. We are at the same uni, same course, see each other at least 4 days a week during term time. Most of our friends are mutual so we ended up being 'friends' afterwards but recently it stopped working.. she started avoiding me and things began to change between us. Last week I casually asked her how easter was going for her and she ended up telling me how she has a f**k buddy with no strings attached - and how amazing he is. We haven't spoken since.

She knew very clearly that I still liked her and it was very insensitive of her to say all this to me.. of course she is no longer my gf and is free to f*** anyone she wants but this is killing me inside. I will end up seeing her almost everyday very soon at uni and I don't know how to handle this situation :/ I cannot simply avoid her because of the whole uni thing and it has been 4 months but I am still not over her :frown:

Please don't just say 'move on' as I honestly don't know how to. Genuine help needed!

bump

Its really tough. Rely on your friends, avoid her as much as you can, drink a lot of beer, seek out a rebound relationship. The only sensible thing I can say is that this bad time will pass and you will have new love.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 3

DurhamXI

Original post by Anonymous

Please don't just say 'move on' as I honestly don't know how to. Genuine help needed!

I feel your pain. I recently ended things with a fwb because i knew that she had commitment issues and i was falling in love. I did not want to be the one that gets rejected like that. It is hurting, I am hurting a lot and i cannot sleep and i cannot function properly. But the pain i have now is nothing compared to the pain and humiliation i would feel if i was the one that eventually got hurt by her commitment issues.

Unfortunately, you have been rejected. She does not give a damn about you, she does not respect you. She may have been attracted to you physically, but she has obviously lost interest. You may see it as her having used you for sex and affection, only to ditch you when she was not feeling it anymore. Right now, i see that she is abusing your feelings and you are hurting. But it is ok, i am here for you and if you need to cry then it is ok, it is not unmanly or sad to do so. Just let it all out.

The way to avoid more pain is to go no contact. Just avoid her as much as possible and behave like she does not exist. If you don't it will only destroy you. You may see her with the new guy and it will kill you inside. But, you have to change for your own good. You have to evolve out of this and realise that it is not your fault. Go to the gym, **** new girls, build on your career goals... improve yourself. The problem here is that it could really hurt (if it has not already) your self esteem when in reality you can be so much more than you are now. Trust me, it will twist the knife in you and you will feel worthless if you let her own your mind anymore.

Either you let this improve you and make sure you are never hurt like this again. Or you let it destroy you. Make, or break.

I am here for you, as are others. PM me if you want.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 4

DurhamXI

Original post by Zarek

Its eally tough. Rely on your friends, avoid her as much as you can, drink a lot of beer, seek out a rebound relationship. The only sensible thing I can say is that this bad time will pass and you will have new love.

This. Except with rebounds, protect yourself. But, do not abuse the rebound girl if you feel angry. I have been someone who has done this and I really regret it. It is one of my biggest regrets in life because i became just as bad as my old ex.

Reply 5

Riku

Subbed
You deserve better OP. Whatever she used to feel about you, at this present moment she is being insensitive and disrespectful, she doesn't give a damn about respecting you. So take her out of the equation-do your best to pretend she no longer matters to you, that you couldn't care whether she stays in touch or not. Do what you want to to make you happy and feel attractive, confident and successful, not to make her jealous or show you've moved on. Don't worry about dating again yet, this might take months to overcome, but it will be worth it.
Maybe when she respects you again you can consider being friends-but she'd better not hold her breath. There will be better out there for you, it's just not her.
We're young and life has more to offer us yet :smile:

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 6

DurhamXI

Original post by Riku

Subbed
You deserve better OP. Whatever she used to feel about you, at this present moment she is being insensitive and disrespectful, she doesn't give a damn about respecting you. So take her out of the equation-do your best to pretend she no longer matters to you, that you couldn't care whether she stays in touch or not. Do what you want to to make you happy and feel attractive, confident and successful, not to make her jealous or show you've moved on. Don't worry about dating again yet, this might take months to overcome, but it will be worth it.
Maybe when she respects you again you can consider being friends-but don't hold your breath. There will be better out there for you, it's just not her.
We're young and life has more to offer us yet :smile:

She is not his friend. She has treated him like dirt. Used him for sex and emotional companionship and then thrown him to the kerb like a used condom when she got bored. Crude, but, it is how i see it.

Reply 7

username1155925

Ok firstly, your situation sucks. She sounds pretty horrible to me, what she said was very insensitive.

Why don't you try a new hobby or join a new society at uni, or try hanging out with other people on your course? That way your social life won't involve her all the time and you could meet other girls. Having a new friendship group means that you don't have to worry about whether or not that girls going to be there every time you go out! You don't have to ditch your current friends completely, but be less dependent on them in terms of your social life. You'll find it easier to move on.

Reply 8

Riku

Original post by DurhamXI

Fair enough. I never said he should stay friends, I meant she should come begging back to him if they do ever assume contact-but it might really be better to tell her to take a hike for good.
Changed what I typed to what I meant.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 9

One Man Band

This is why I always advise people not to date someone on your course, it gets messy and when things do inevitably go wrong it's impossible to get away from, then you begin to enjoy the uni experience less. My advice, would be to not feed her ego by yearning for her, she's knows that you're still into her but she's happy to disclose that she's having it off with someone else? Sounds to be like she's a bitch!

Reply 10

DurhamXI

Original post by Riku

Fair enough. I never said he should stay friends, I meant she should come begging back to him if they do ever assume contact-but it might really be better to tell her to take a hike for good.

She may go back to him once she gets bored of the current guy. But, if he has any dignity he should tell her where to go. It is about his self-esteem here and his pride as a man. She may have been great sex, great physically in sync, great emotional companionship or whatever. But, she is **** from the sounds of things and treated him like a used object. He does not need a girl like that.

Reply 11

DurhamXI

Original post by One Man Band

This. I have ****ed up in relationships in the past. But, i have never ****ed up to the extent where i am dating or sleeping with someone on my course. That, on a law course, is suicide.

Reply 12

superglow12

Time heals all wounds... honestly you cannot avoid her since you see her a number of times during the day. But I've also been in a similar situation as this, the less you talk to her the more it'll give you a chance to move on. So try keeping yourself busy.. you must have uni exams coming up, revise for those, spend time going out with friends, meet new people, sooner or later someone will take her place. Join a dating site, to meet new people if you have to.

I know at the moment it feels like she means the world to you... but after uni you wont have any contact with her whatsoever you'll be busy with your own life, and that's how things go.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

We did not have sex during the three months - most intimacy was kissing between us.

Reply 14

DurhamXI

Hi thanks for your response on my thread about breaking up with my gf…

So what I don't understand is that this girl never had sex with me (she claimed she wasn't ready, although we used to fantasise together over texts!) but she can so readily give her body away to this guy who she barely knows without any connection. I don't think she made it up or anything because she has had plenty of relationships before and f***** loads of people before too. What would her purpose be to tell me about it though?

How will no contact work? Because I will unfortunately see her everyday and our group of friends sits together etc.. (and I can't give up all my friends at uni either!) and eventually I will still be in touch with her :/ It hurt like hell in Jan and it hurts like hell now too. I am not the kind of guy who will get in a rebound relation or a ONS - and I have done plenty of things like watch movies, meet people, go to the gym, and so on but nothing helps.

Thank you so much for offering to help out!

And another one bites the dust, i see this often on this forum. She liked the attention you gave her. She is immature and/or selfish that is her problem. Chances are she did not ever see you as sex material then. But yet , you played along with her games. The best way to have killed her off is to ignore her and not validate her need for validation. She plays you because you validate her and you take care of her needs to be cared about. Her needs to be ****ed by good looking and confident men are taken care of by those men. If you want to turn into one of those men you need to be getting the most out of your looks, gym , clothing etc... i.e. becoming one of them.

I remember when i was in uni, girls i barely knew would make it obvious they were up for sex. I did not talk to them. I was just aloof and i look after myself well. These girls are just like men in many senses. Many have an ego and want sex with the aesthetic and confident men. They don't respect sentimentality and love. Many come from broken homes where there is little love and mum is bringing home strong, confident and good looking men. So, they grew up in such a culture and environment.

No contact requires you to have some balls about this. You have to be ruthless in how you ignore her and even your friends who sit together with her. You have to be a man and strong about this. Now is not the time to pander to her world, you have to move away from it all and be strong. Otherwise, she will walk all over you and mentally rape you.

I hope this will help others. You are anonymized so don't worry.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by DurhamXI

It's a tough pill to swallow but I guess you are right. Hopefully minimal contact can make me feel better in the coming weeks.

Thanks for the responses everyone! Much appreciated.