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My guy friend likes me and has done for 2 years WTF

He's a relatively shy guy toward me but sarcastic and loud around others. He walks me to the library after lectures, offers to help me out a lot, works as close as possible to me in lab sessions, stares at me when he thinks I'm not looking, sits next to me in lectures, tries to make me laugh all the time, asks to be my partner in labs, steals my pens for attention, waits for me after lectures, smiles at me a lot, gives me a certain 'loving/admiring' look, makes comments to others about me, laughs at my jokes, helps me carry heavy textbooks, asks me how I am...

And I've only just realised that he likes me. Okay, I was a bit put off by the staring/smiling but always put it down to him trying to make me laugh/ feel awkward. I've always dumbed it all down in my head as I have a confidence issue *nobody can find me attractive* kind of thing. I've never attributed his behaviour to actual feelings for me until a guy friend of mine knowingly said he has always liked me and called me "cold blooded" for stringing him along.

He's always been more of a friend in my eyes, so I never really considered any of this to be beyond platonic. Now that there are guy friends telling me this, I feel horrible. My friends used to ask why he was always around and I told them he was a friend. Despite guy friends laughing and telling me his advances were very, very obvious, I can't imagine him liking me. It's all making sense now, all of his behaviours. I don't know where to really go from here as I feel like a horrible person and very awkward now.
Reply 1
He likes you but he's made the mistake of establishing 'friendship'. Now he is in the awkward position of 'what next'. He doesn't want to make a move because he thinks there is a friendship at stake if he makes the wrong move or his next move is not well received (by you). Decide what YOU want and make the move - that is, you want something more to happen or you want a platonic relationship. There is less emotional risk from your side than his.
Reply 2
You cant really blame yourself since you arent psychic and some things just aren't obvious to people. Ive learnt the hard way that jumping to conclusions could make you end up with your tail in between your legs as well.

Its not really hard knowing where to go from here, you either like him back and possibly start a relationship or tell him you wanna be friends so he can move on.
I think you'd be able to answer yes or no far more quickly if your friend was that little bit more assured of himself, assertive and made a move on you. I've also done that thing where you think you can be a friend and then by some deus ex machina, become a couple, only the moment is put off longer and longer and you become more desparate for something to occur. Back to you, if you would date him if he asked you, then jump the gun right now and make his day, if you have any doubts, just carry on as usual with him and rebuff him kindly if he tries a move on you.
It's not your fault really as you were always nice to him abd didn't purposely lead him on. Try to make the fact that you see him as just a friend clear to him?
Original post by Anonymous
He's a relatively shy guy toward me but sarcastic and loud around others. He walks me to the library after lectures, offers to help me out a lot, works as close as possible to me in lab sessions, stares at me when he thinks I'm not looking, sits next to me in lectures, tries to make me laugh all the time, asks to be my partner in labs, steals my pens for attention, waits for me after lectures, smiles at me a lot, gives me a certain 'loving/admiring' look, makes comments to others about me, laughs at my jokes, helps me carry heavy textbooks, asks me how I am...

And I've only just realised that he likes me. Okay, I was a bit put off by the staring/smiling but always put it down to him trying to make me laugh/ feel awkward. I've always dumbed it all down in my head as I have a confidence issue *nobody can find me attractive* kind of thing. I've never attributed his behaviour to actual feelings for me until a guy friend of mine knowingly said he has always liked me and called me "cold blooded" for stringing him along.

He's always been more of a friend in my eyes, so I never really considered any of this to be beyond platonic. Now that there are guy friends telling me this, I feel horrible. My friends used to ask why he was always around and I told them he was a friend. Despite guy friends laughing and telling me his advances were very, very obvious, I can't imagine him liking me. It's all making sense now, all of his behaviours. I don't know where to really go from here as I feel like a horrible person and very awkward now.


I wouldn't beat yourself up about this, if you only see him as a friend then you obviously weren't going to make a move on him or take things further, so in your mind you would've continued to act normally- as his friend. Him on the other hand, yeah his behaviour might have implied he liked you, but because it's taken you a while to notice that kinda shows he hasn't made it all that clear to you, has he ever asked you out on a date? Or even just asked the two of you to hang out in a way which could've been a date, like the cinema or a meal? If he hasn't then it's kinda his own fault for not stepping things up, especially after how long it's been. He might have been too afraid to ask you, but due to never taking things further and making it clear how he feels it's that way where he's missed the chance.

A male friend was like this towards me, he never really flirted and whenever we hung out I always assumed we were just doing it as friends because of the way he acted- just like a friend, nothing more. Months later he's all "so I thought we were going somewhere?" And I was totally surprised cos he never acted like he fancied me at all (at least it never came across that way to me).

If he is the type of guy who will continue to be your friend despite you not wanting more than friendship then that's great, but some guys will take it hard and maybe stop speaking to you that sorta thing :/ so hopefully your friendship can remain! Maybe just don't spend as much time with him or say things (as lame as it may sound) like "you're such a good friend to me"..

His male friends will be asses about it cos most guys react that way. If you don't have feelings back towards a guy oh no you've friendzoned him.. *rolls eyes*
Reply 6
I don't think either of you have done anything wrong
Original post by Anonymous
He's a relatively shy guy toward me but sarcastic and loud around others. He walks me to the library after lectures, offers to help me out a lot, works as close as possible to me in lab sessions, stares at me when he thinks I'm not looking, sits next to me in lectures, tries to make me laugh all the time, asks to be my partner in labs, steals my pens for attention, waits for me after lectures, smiles at me a lot, gives me a certain 'loving/admiring' look, makes comments to others about me, laughs at my jokes, helps me carry heavy textbooks, asks me how I am...

And I've only just realised that he likes me. Okay, I was a bit put off by the staring/smiling but always put it down to him trying to make me laugh/ feel awkward. I've always dumbed it all down in my head as I have a confidence issue *nobody can find me attractive* kind of thing. I've never attributed his behaviour to actual feelings for me until a guy friend of mine knowingly said he has always liked me and called me "cold blooded" for stringing him along.

He's always been more of a friend in my eyes, so I never really considered any of this to be beyond platonic. Now that there are guy friends telling me this, I feel horrible. My friends used to ask why he was always around and I told them he was a friend. Despite guy friends laughing and telling me his advances were very, very obvious, I can't imagine him liking me. It's all making sense now, all of his behaviours. I don't know where to really go from here as I feel like a horrible person and very awkward now.


Don't you know that he's entitled to sex cause he's nice to you?


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Reply 8
Original post by revrev
He likes you but he's made the mistake of establishing 'friendship'. Now he is in the awkward position of 'what next'. He doesn't want to make a move because he thinks there is a friendship at stake if he makes the wrong move or his next move is not well received (by you). Decide what YOU want and make the move - that is, you want something more to happen or you want a platonic relationship. There is less emotional risk from your side than his.
So, a friendship can't turn into a relationship?
So have you shagged him yet? Its what's expected of a fair maiden.
I'm in a similar situation here where I'm the guy.

I'm too shy to tell her I like her because we have built up a friendship over a few years and I'm not getting any convincing signs from her that she would feel the same way and I feel this would just make things way too awkward.

Do you actually like him/has he said anything directly to you?
Original post by Anonymous
.

How about you start loving yourself for who you are and then think about a relationship.

You can go about that by smiling more and saying to yourself when waves of the feeling comes over and saying "I can and I am good enough" and looking what you have achieved when you do not feel so low. It will help you to think about it when you do feel helpless. Obviously not in a self centered way but really just a means of increasing your self esteem. I understand where you are coming from because I feel like this too sometimes lack of confidence kind of thing.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in a similar situation here where I'm the guy.

I'm too shy to tell her I like her because we have built up a friendship over a few years and I'm not getting any convincing signs from her that she would feel the same way and I feel this would just make things way too awkward.

Do you actually like him/has he said anything directly to you?


You sound like me.

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