The Student Room Group

How to know you won't be cheated in a relationship?

My then-girlfriend was a nice girl, was doing a good course at uni, loved sports and came from a decent family. It always seemed like she was worried I'd break up with her. At the end, she went on a holiday trip and ended up sleeping with a stranger! I broke up.

That was 8 months ago.

Now I've been with this amazing girl. Before she met me, she has slept around few times and kissed strangers almost every night she's been out, but never had a one-night stand (my feeling is that she never got the chance or was asked, otherwise would have?!). But we are awesome together and we both want this to last!

But because of my previous experience of being cheated by someone else, I don't know how I can trust this girl. If I could, I wouldn't let her go on a night out without me, because I feel like she would just chat with someone and before she knows, she'll wake up next to him the next day! I can't help but think this way. She may never do this.

How do I know that she will never cheat? Why is it so hard?!
There are many signs that point towards someone who is more likely to cheat but no one can ever predict the future. All you can do is try to communicate with each other as openly as possible and deal with problems as they arise.
You can never be sure, but you should bear in mind that your current girlfriend is a different person from your last. Be careful about projecting your baggage onto people, hard though it may be. That doesn't mean you can't be open about your fears, though, and it may be helpful for you to do so.
Trust your instincts, they can be a good sign. You may just be thinking of reasons to barricade the truth which may hurt you, but your instinct is normally a good reliable source. If your are having doubts (which have lead you to posting on here) you.need to communicate more and discuss this problem
Reply 4
You can never tell. But you can't live your life that way. It's like never being able to cross a road because you're scared you'll get hit by a car. All you can do it look both ways and cross otherwise you'll never get to your destination, but some people somewhere are just going to get hurt anyway and there's nothing you can do about it.

Part of being in a relationship is believing that they want it to work, and you want it to work, so they wouldn't cheat, and you wouldn't cheat. If they cheat then they clearly are not really committed to the relationship, not ready to settle down or don't like you enough to keep it going. So if they cheat it is probably best that it is over. So being afraid that they might cheat is actually being afraid that they don't really want to be with you, they don't accept you, you're not good enough, you're unattractive, you will never find a partner that will be loyal to you. But in a relationship you can't go on thinking like that, you have to believe that they do like you and they want it to work out. (though that doesn't mean you should be already thinking about the wedding and planning how many babies you are going to have, haha! I'm not saying that you should plan it out.)
Reply 5
Original post by Orthonym
You can never tell. But you can't live your life that way. It's like never being able to cross a road because you're scared you'll get hit by a car. All you can do it look both ways and cross otherwise you'll never get to your destination, but some people somewhere are just going to get hurt anyway and there's nothing you can do about it.

Part of being in a relationship is believing that they want it to work, and you want it to work, so they wouldn't cheat, and you wouldn't cheat. If they cheat then they clearly are not really committed to the relationship, not ready to settle down or don't like you enough to keep it going. So if they cheat it is probably best that it is over. So being afraid that they might cheat is actually being afraid that they don't really want to be with you, they don't accept you, you're not good enough, you're unattractive, you will never find a partner that will be loyal to you. But in a relationship you can't go on thinking like that, you have to believe that they do like you and they want it to work out. (though that doesn't mean you should be already thinking about the wedding and planning how many babies you are going to have, haha! I'm not saying that you should plan it out.)


well said!
Reply 6
Be careful, because if you start doing things like stopping her from going on nights out unless you're there, then she won't hang around for long. It's gunna be hard but you just have to throw yourself out there and let her do her own thing. If you're lucky, then her doing her own thing will mean that she doesn't want to cheat on you. It's something that comes with age and experience. When I was 18 I hated my girlfriend going out clubbing without me but in the last four years I've matured a lot. When I see some creep trying to hit on my girlfriend at the bar I stand back and have a chuckle at his expense. On the plus side she sometimes gets a free drink out of it - saves me some money! She's a grown up and can look after herself, even without me there. Sometimes you're unlucky and she's just as bad as the last, but you have to take the chance because otherwise you'll just keep on driving the good ones away.
Reply 7
Good character judgement and recognising/resisting the urge to overlook red flags.
Reply 8
You just don't. Have fun with the not knowing :redface:

Quick Reply

Latest