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What should i do about FWB situation?

Ive been in a FWB situation with my friend for a year and a half now. Were both on the same course at uni and get along great. i was instantly attracted to him at the start of my first year, he had a girlfriend however so i never pursued anything but they soon broke up and our FWB started.

We never really laid out rules as to what we were, and towards the end of the first year (im at the end of my second year now) he slept with people and so did i. We probably slept with each other three times that whole year..so it wasn't like it was an official FWB.

This sort of caused an issue with one of the girls he slept with as she was in the same friendship circle as me. Although i slept with him first and wasn't bothered, she was a virgin and misunderstood his actions and it caused a few awkward/emotional nights out/conversations which ran into this year.

However last summer is where we really started to become close friends, we were talking everyday for hours and just getting to know each other better. Sometimes things would get a little sexual but it wasn't something that happened often.

Then second year started and again without discussion we carried on with the FWB, meeting up with one another after nights out. We live on the same street so 95% of the time it would be me going to his house rather than mine.

He would always talk for about 2 hours before actually doing the deed and then hed want to talk some more afterwards which always led to me making some excuse so i could head off home. (i didnt want to over complicate things with emotions etc)

As the weeks went by the more intense he would make the conversations, talking about his childhood, family life, ex partners etc. Obviously id listen.. but id never speak about my personal life as its something ive only ever done with boyfriends..

We began whatsapping/snapchatting for hours everyday outside of lecture hours.. talking about all sorts. I didnt think anything of it, just that we were becoming good friends.

Alongside this i noticed he was asking me to spend the night with him (something i didnt see the point in doing as i lived so close by) and was asking for cuddles after sex. He also threw out 'tell me that you love me' during.. i gave him a look and he quickly said he was 'joking'.

We havent slept together now for 2 months but have remained in constant contact. (this includes sexual snapchats).

A few weeks ago we were both out in the club and he saw me and told me i looked really good (something hes never done) to which my friend (the girl he slept with in first year) said to him 'Hey! doesnt *myname* look beautiful tonight!' to which he turned to her and said 'Yeah she does! i just told her that'. I thought this was a bit harsh of him as he knew the problems caused by my friends feelings towards him..

Anyway the night progressed and some randomer was trying to pull me.. i was trying to catch my FWB eye to signal him to come over so the randomer would leave me alone.. and as i was doing this i saw my FWB give me a glare and put his arm around a girl and ignore me.

It did surprise me and i did feel a wave of jealousy come over me but thought nothing of it as later on he did get rid of the randomer for me and kissed me and said hed 'see me later' (back at his).

I never heard off him that night and it was obvious he had pulled someone and i knew it was going to be that girl. I sent him a message saying 'oh guess you pulled then' to which he ignored and made up some random story about how bad his night out was.

We carried on snapchatting as usual and i noticed he had bites all over his chest (he snaps me topless sometimes) and i didnt say anything. After all if he doesnt want to tell me about things i wont ask.

So now ive realized the girl hes slept with is extremely good friends with the girl who was a virgin and hes now snapchatting her regularly. Its completely ticked me off to say the least because i can feel a huge argument is going to happen between them both and its only very recently my friend has gotten over 'his actions' per say (after a year).

Not only that, but im starting to feel a whole bunch of emotions i didnt know existed. Im unsure if im feeling jealousy or if i genuinely have hidden feelings for him as i feel like i give him more than enough as a FWB sexually and as a friend to not need another girl for the same things.

I haven't contacted him for 3 days now as im not sure whether i want to carry on with things if im becoming emotionally invested/ im being used alongside another permanent girl. Not only that but its taken so long for my friend to accept things and for massive arguments to end that i cant believe hes getting involved with someone HE KNOWS is close to her (which will drag up everything again)

what should i do?!

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

yeah ok then no ones help.

Reply 2

BKS

He's either a bit of a dick or emotionally immature from the sounds of it. He doesn't seem to great at considering the consequences of his actions, particularly on others, so I wouldn't be too surprised if he hasn't really properly thought about what's going on and what he wants. Which means to make any changes you need to take the lead. First you need to decide what you want. If that differs from how things are now then you have to talk to him, completely honestly. There really is nothing for it other than talking to him though I wouldn't be surprised if you need to raise the subject, tell him how you feel, then agree to talk again later so he can think.

Reply 3

Architecture-er

What's the problem here?

You're already trying to keep this emotionless, so why are you making such a big deal of him doing his own relationship stuff?

Plus the bits you said about him in the nightclub were massive conjecture, there's no way you can see him emotions or interpret them properly with the lighting, distance, noise, having another guy bug you etc. Same when he was talking to you and your girlfriend at the start of the night, you can't know what his intentions were with the things he said, after all alcohol confuses things on both sides, and people say things wrong even when sober...

Sounds like he tried to escalate the relationship, you blew him off, and now you're getting annoyed when he's off doing his own thing and doesn't need you for casual sex

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 4

p.a smurf

You could try telling him. I know its not easy and from what you've said it is not something you are comfortable doing anyway but I think as the situation has gotten so complicated so far it will save both you and him from even more grief. You don't want to end up being used by him or disregarding your own emotions. Don't forget your feelings are real and just as important as his or the other girls.

I'm not so good at sharing my feeling and thoughts either. You can try what I did and write a letter. If he feels the same way then don't be afraid of embracing your relationship as more than FWB. But if he doesn't, at least you wouldn't have to go through an even bigger mess and end up getting used.

As fast as possible before you convince yourself otherwise.
I'm not professional but this has worked for me. Goodluck x!

Reply 5

LJStudent

That's FWBs for you. Have sex with someone with "no strings attached" - doesn't work that way...

Reply 6

littlesocksx

I think you should tell him you're not happy about him sleeping with other girls while you're sleeping together. Then the ball is in his court. It does seem to me your developing feelings for him, maybe he only pulled that girl cos he didn't think you reciprocated his feelings? Anything else happened since you first posted?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 7

DiZZeeKiD

How I interpreted this wall of text:

1. He wanted it to progress into a relationship, you made it obvious you didn't
2. He is now seeing other people but keeping you as a constant
3. You've now developed feelings for him

I don't think you really have any right to feel jealous or resentful of his behaviour, although this is why FWB don't usually work, people develop feeling they didn't intend etc, but you can't now really dictate what he does/who he see's or get pissed at him for doing it as you made it pretty clear that you only wanted sex.

Reply 8

Chocolatesoup

Original post by Anonymous

Ive

So do you have feelings for him?

In my opinion I don't think girls can really do fwb.. After sleeping with a guy once you do begin to get attached and expect something more and feel jealous when he does stuff with other people. I think it's rare for a person to be really really not bothered and causal..

So either you can stop sleeping with him and just be friends, or tell him you have feelings, if you do, and see how he responds. By the sounds of it he's acted like he wants something more but at the same time wants to keep his option open and enjoy being single. So nothing will be serious unless you confront things, seeing as how he hasn't asked you to be his gf so the balls obviously in your court.

Reply 9

Jaegon Targaryen

Jesus , this could be an episode of skins or something .

Op I would tell him how you feel , sounds like u have real feelings.

Reply 10

Huskaris

Women always think they are in control in a FWB scenario.

What they don't realise is they are just giving the guy what they want, whilst taking nothing which he doesn't want to give.

Result.