Considering break up but exams are coming

So I'm thinking of ending a 2 year relationship. I can't reach her superhuman standards of mind-reading. I communicate via words only.

The problem is that we both have exams in 2 weeks and concert tickets for next monday. I don't think we can just leave things hanging the way we are for the next month or so, but I am not willing to proceed with the relationship without an apology and guarantee that this won't happen again; which I'm almost certain she will not provide.

How should I proceed in this situation? Bearing in mind exams are important to both of us.

Reply 1

lucybuckleyy

Either be honest with her and tell her you'd like an apology and you don't like the way she treats you, or act neutral with her for the next couple of weeks and then break up. It'd be unfair to break up with her just before an exam, it could really affect her performance.

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Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by lucybuckleyy

I agree, I don't want this to cause any backlash in either of our studies. Acting neutral may make things worse though, she'll know something is up and insecure girls can usually see something coming over the horizon by a guy's attitude. This could affect her studies. But at the same time I can't just pretend everything is fine.

Reply 3

Ndella

For the next two weeks leading up to exams, tell her that you'd better focus on exams for now, so get the idea of relationships out of your head so you don't get distracted - she'll understand. Once you've both finished, question her on whether you still want to be together and take it from there..

Reply 4

Jennejy

It's nice that you're trying to minimise the impact of the breakup on her studies as well; since you're the one doing the breaking-up this will likely be more painful for her than for you (though I understand that a two years is a very significant amount of time for anyone regardless).

I think if I was her having my boyfriend acting 'off'/neutral, or being unsure whether there was something genuinely wrong or not, would be more stressful than an outright breakup. At least if you're completely honest, you both know where you stand so you can take the remaining two weeks to focus on prepping for exams, rather than um-ing and ah-ing about the relationship.

That said, the apology-or-break-up ultimatum you seem to be leaning towards giving her sounds like a good idea. at least that way she has a chance to redeem herself - even if you don't expect her to take it - and you can be happy in the knowledge that you've been as fair to her as possible.

Good luck :smile:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ndella

What about the concert? I bought the tickets for her birthday last month and we're both looking forward to it. I feel that if we patch up and go, I'm not really addressing the problem.

Reply 6

XMaramena

And this folks is exactly why I've avoided relationships in exam years.

Reply 7

Riku

It's a tricky one. I personally felt absolutely awful about her breaking up after exams. It wasn't quite a shock (she was ignoring me throughout the period) but she still asked how I was over the phone and even flirted until about 2 weeks before. I was totally blind-sided and still try to guess when she lost feelings.
Having said that had she have told me over Christmas, my 21st would have been ruined and I would have ****ed up my dissertation.
I think you're doing the right thing to wait and being considerate, but either way it'll hurt them and I think you'll just have to live with that.

Reply 8

Jennejy

I forgot about the concert tickets in my post... that's a tricky one.

I suppose if you do decide to break up, you can just leave them both with her and let her do whatever (take a friend, sibling, etc.), though that's obviously not ideal for you.

Option two: hang on til the concert and then re-evaluate the relationship again afterwards. Again, not ideal because then exams are even closer and, like you said, it's not addressing the problem.

Option three: she keeps her ticket and you keep yours, and you both go your separate ways. Kind of a non-solution because there's not point either of you going to a concert on your own.

Option four: you keep both tickets and go with a friend. Probably rule this one out... though it would be the best option for you, she'd probably take offence since they were a birthday gift.

Reply 9

T_x

Original post by Anonymous

End it after exams, and in the meantime be more like a friend in that you should still be supportive. This is the kindest way, as she may not be able to concentrate on revision if you break up with her just before.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by Jennejy

I'm considering just taking on the chin the loss on my ticket price and letting her just go with a friend as I'm not going to stop her going as it was her birthday gift. They're allocated seats so we'd have to sit together which is going to be counter-productive I imagine.

Either that or I could give my ticket to some smelly homeless guy.

Reply 11

joker12345

Original post by Anonymous

Why not just go together and then talk after it?

Reply 12

I.D.G.A.F.O.S

DO NOT BREAK UP WITH HER BEFORE EXAMS. I've had it done to my twice and IMO it's the most selfish thing someone can do.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by I.D.G.A.F.O.S

DO NOT BREAK UP WITH HER BEFORE EXAMS. I've had it done to my twice and IMO it's the most selfish thing someone can do.

I would have thought stringing her along for another month would be worse though. Plus there is the fact that she's an emotional bully who treated me like crap. We're talking about a girl who refused to speak to me for an entire day because I dried my hands with the wrong tea towel. Many petty things such as this has kept me in a perpetual state of guilt for months.

I don't want to cause unnecessary harm to her, but at the same time I don't want to cause myself any considerable inconvenience for the sole purpose of making things easier for her.

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

I'm in a similar position here - don't know whether to break up with my boyfriend before or after exams. Thing is to do it before exams may mess up revision etc but to continue with the relationship for over a month feels like stringing him along? I'm worrying about the relationship when not revising so would really rather do it sooner rather than later but everyone else has told me to wait.

Reply 15

flossicles

Original post by Anonymous

I don't want to cause unnecessary harm to her, but at the same time I don't want to cause myself any considerable inconvenience for the sole purpose of making things easier for her.

To be honest, it seems like your mind is already made up. If you really don't want to be with this girl then the least selfish thing you can do is just sit her down and be truthful with her about how you feel.

Don't just leave her hanging on for the sake of it. Yes, it's really bad timing and you probably should've spoken to her about it beforehand, but what's the point of carrying it on if you really don't feel the same anymore? You just need to think about whether this is something that can be overcome or not, all factors considered, and make your decision.

Reply 16

I.D.G.A.F.O.S

Original post by Anonymous

Okay fair enough :smile:

It's just exams affect lives man. Like she may get over you but her exam results will be with her for the rest of her life.

Reply 17

Jennejy

Original post by Anonymous

A friend of mine finally broke up with his girlfriend, after trying to do so for several months, right before exam time last year. She was an emotionally-manipulative psycho who later blamed her awful exam results on him breaking up with her - though I'm almost certain her grades would have been just as bad regardless.

Unfortunately, you can't really win here. If you wait til afterwards, you'll have strung her along. If you do it now, you might get some of the blame if she doesn't do as well as she hopes in the exams. Though since you've got your own exams to think about, now might be a good time to be a little selfish. Ain't nothing wrong with that.