The Student Room Group

Advice please, really hurt :(

Keep this anonymous or delete please.
Basically I've known this guy for a couple of months and he lives further away from me. We made quite a good friendship and from the beginning and we would talk all day every morning till night then the same again, he said he wanted sex but also to see where it would go with us. I went to see him the other week and we slept together. The next morning he said he had to work because someone had called in sick and so I had to go, I hadn't even been there 24hours and I'd travelled 100miles to see him and I felt then that I'd done something wrong. I texted him when I got back to say I'd had a nice time and things and he was a little bit off with me but I thought maybe it was cos he was at work. Anyway he's barely spoken to me since for over a week and when I try to talk to him like I used to he just doesn't reply for like over 24 hours when he's online on whatsapp. I asked him if he had lost interest in me and he said he hadn't but that he thought I was getting too attached. I left it for a few days because he didn't reply and then today I asked him if we could go back to how it used to be when we would actually make an effort to talk and send each other snapchats and things and that I was hurt because I felt like I'd ruined everything and that I wasn't getting attached and that I didn't see why things had to change cos we slept together. He replied saying that I'm seeing it as more than it is, and it was only sex and that he's sorry I'm hurt but he just thinks its better this way. I told him from the beginning I didn't do casual sex and that's when he said we could see where it goes. I said to him that and that I know he doesn't want anything out of this because he's going away travelling and might not be coming back but that I thought we were friends more than anything. I also said if he just wanted sex he could have gone and got it anywhere (I'm not easy) and that I am hurt.
I just don't know what to do :frown: I cant stop thinking about it and that I was stupid or maybe I was rubbish and that's why he doesn't wanna see me again. I thought that it went so well when I went down and that we had a nice time :frown: I feel so pathetic.
Just want some advice.
Sounds like you were used for sex!
You do sound, as he suggested, as if you are getting very attached. Give him some space.
Reply 3
Try not to talk to him, it seems like he only wanted one thing!
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Try not to talk to him, it seems like he only wanted one thing!


Talking to yourself , OP?
He used you for sex, it sounds like. You said you didn't do casual sex, so he said "let's see where it goes" and was actually enough of a douchebag to make you spend the money and time going 100 miles to see him when he could have played a girl that lived where he does. And then proceeds to ignore you and say it was just sex, don't get attached... So yes, he lied to you, and pretended there was a chance of it being more than sex.

Honestly, I'd tell him he's a wasteman and then try to forget about him.
Original post by Tom_green_day
You do sound, as he suggested, as if you are getting very attached. Give him some space.


She said she didn't do casual sex. He shouldn't have lied pretending that it could go somewhere more serious.
Original post by Anonymous
Try not to talk to him, it seems like he only wanted one thing!

I'm glad you answered your own question.
At the end of the day, you gave it up to someone easily, girls always come on here upset about it but if you give it up, don't expect them to want to keep going they've seen everything and they're not even in a relationship with you, I know it's hard but it's best to leave and take your pride
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
Try not to talk to him, it seems like he only wanted one thing!


OP giving herself her own advice?
It does sound like he's been a bit of a dick, but also I think you've been very naive.

It sounds like he was fairly upfront about wanting sex initially, and then back-pedalled somewhat when he realised that wasn't okay with you. But you definitely read way too much into the 'and see where it would go' part of the conversation.

Because you wanted to be with him, you read 'and see where it goes' as 'start a relationship'. Where as he probably saw it as 'Well there is a possibility it might go somewhere, but it probably wont'.

Considering you wanted a relationship, and you knew he mostly wanted sex, having sex with him on the first time was a bad move. Him chucking you out first thing in the morning is mean though. Still, I think you should chalk this one up to experience OP. Live and learn.
Unfortunately you've fallen into the trap that naive girls fall into, even boys sometimes.Your not alone in this, I know it must be a terrible feeling. But regardless of how hard it is...ty and think of it as a positive experience, it will actually make you a stronger person if you learn from this mistake. Don't dwell on it, because that's not going to make any difference to the situation apart from making you feel worse than you already are. In a way, him being distant with you and pretty detached is him hinting to you that he doesn't want to go down that path although it is partly his responsibly for leading you on first. If you feel like you need closure to the situation which I'm sure you do as you must feel so confused as to why he's acting like this because he hasn't actually told you upfront then I would put your pride down and call him and just tell him exactly how you feel. Calling is much better than texting in situations as such. Trust me because if you keep your thoughts bottled up and you don't tell him every single thing on your mind eventually you won't be able to keep it in any longer... so somehow you'll feel the urge to tell him and it will happen unexpectedly.

Stay strong and remember everything happens for a reason. Take it as a lesson learnt, you shouldn't feel like you have degraded your self. You are still full on worth. Oh and you never gave it to him easy, he had to get close to you first, talk to you everyday. Keep your head high.
Original post by desdemonata
He used you for sex, it sounds like. You said you didn't do casual sex, so he said "let's see where it goes" and was actually enough of a douchebag to make you spend the money and time going 100 miles to see him when he could have played a girl that lived where he does. And then proceeds to ignore you and say it was just sex, don't get attached... So yes, he lied to you, and pretended there was a chance of it being more than sex.

Honestly, I'd tell him he's a wasteman and then try to forget about him.


Thanks, I know I don't see why if he just wanted sex he couldn't get it near to him. Why did it have to be me? Get me to travel all that was on a pretence. I am trying to forget about him, it's just hard because we had such a good friendship first and I just miss having someone to tell anything too :frown:
Original post by ZaraHopeA
Unfortunately you've fallen into the trap that naive girls fall into, even boys sometimes.Your not alone in this, I know it must be a terrible feeling. But regardless of how hard it is...ty and think of it as a positive experience, it will actually make you a stronger person if you learn from this mistake. Don't dwell on it, because that's not going to make any difference to the situation apart from making you feel worse than you already are. In a way, him being distant with you and pretty detached is him hinting to you that he doesn't want to go down that path although it is partly his responsibly for leading you on first. If you feel like you need closure to the situation which I'm sure you do as you must feel so confused as to why he's acting like this because he hasn't actually told you upfront then I would put your pride down and call him and just tell him exactly how you feel. Calling is much better than texting in situations as such. Trust me because if you keep your thoughts bottled up and you don't tell him every single thing on your mind eventually you won't be able to keep it in any longer... so somehow you'll feel the urge to tell him and it will happen unexpectedly.

Stay strong and remember everything happens for a reason. Take it as a lesson learnt, you shouldn't feel like you have degraded your self. You are still full on worth. Oh and you never gave it to him easy, he had to get close to you first, talk to you everyday. Keep your head high.


Thank you, this made me want to cry :frown: I'm trying to get over it now and move and just take it as an experience but it just hurts so much. Its a week today since I went and I just keep thinking what could I have done differently to change it, but I really don't think I could have changed it, it would always have turned out the same. Thank you.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you, this made me want to cry :frown: I'm trying to get over it now and move and just take it as an experience but it just hurts so much. Its a week today since I went and I just keep thinking what could I have done differently to change it, but I really don't think I could have changed it, it would always have turned out the same. Thank you.


I don't blame you for feeling so hurt and betrayed. Of course, you have every right to feel that way. I won't promise you that you'll feel better any time soon because it will take some time to heal. But just try and do things that will keep your mind distracted like revise for any upcoming exams, go to the gym, get a part-time job. Before you know it, it will be months since this happened and you'll realise how stronger you've become. Try and not too think too much about it because it honestly isn't going to help girl, talking from experience. Eventually you'll actually be really upset with yourself because of all the time you've spent dwelling on it. Like Damn did I really spend that much time dwelling. Learn more about yourself, meditate to help control your thoughts. Yes, in that period of time when you were driving the car to go see him it was exactly what you wanted, even if someone tried stopping you from going you most likely wouldn't have listened to them. You are partly responsible. Let me know how you get on! :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks, I know I don't see why if he just wanted sex he couldn't get it near to him. Why did it have to be me? Get me to travel all that was on a pretence. I am trying to forget about him, it's just hard because we had such a good friendship first and I just miss having someone to tell anything too :frown:


Because he saw you as attractive and someone he could potentially make love with. It was in his desire to have sex with you. We always question ourselves in lives in situations as such as to why me? Sometimes we have no answer but just got to accept that it's happened and move forward in life. Be thAnkful that were still alive. People around the world right now are dwelling on much serious situations such as worrying that they won't make it alive till tomorrow because they haven't got any food. Remember that. I've lost many people I thought I was once close to, trusted with everything. Girls Nd boys. Just life really, it wasn't meant to be. It is what it is sadly:smile:
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks, I know I don't see why if he just wanted sex he couldn't get it near to him. Why did it have to be me? Get me to travel all that was on a pretence. I am trying to forget about him, it's just hard because we had such a good friendship first and I just miss having someone to tell anything too :frown:


:hugs: I don't really understand people like this either. I guess it was you because he wanted you - clearly he is a selfish person, he didn't care about hurting you and also didn't care that he made you travel and waste your time on him.

Do you have any close friends you can talk to about this? Some guys being dicks is something a lot of girls can relate to. Do things to keep you busy, things that are healthy and make you feel better about yourself are always good.
But mostly, as the other poster said, use this as a lesson. Your time is precious and it shouldn't be wasted on people who don't deserve it, and it's not your fault that he's a scumbag, it's his :smile: I always feel that people who miss out on what could be a good relationship (and sacrifice a good friendship, to boot) to get one night of sex are ridiculously short-sighted and stupid.
(edited 9 years ago)

Quick Reply

Latest