The Student Room Group

Fed up of guys only wanting sex?

I know this is one of those typical questions, but I guess I'd like some straight, personal advice.
I'm 20 years old and every guy I seem to have a spark with is only after one thing...
I haven't slept with many guys at all, I haven't been round the block, I've only slept with one guy out of a relationship (And I did have feelings for him), I'm not unattractive, I'm relatively intelligent (I'm an engineer), I think I'm a kind caring person and I'm bubbly and a little bit crazy :P

It's really starting to get me down that over the past 6 months I've met 2 nice guys. Each time we hit it off, they took my number (in one case they gave me an incredible goodbye kiss) and then neither of them text.
I actually saw one of them last week in a bar and he ignored me and hit on every girl in there!
I'd just like to have a connection and then go on some dates?! haha
I have met other nice guys in this time but these 2 I really felt the spark :') Most guys I meet only seem to be interested in sex and not in me.

I'm not sure if I'm going for the wrong type of guys, if I'm being too picky, if I'm trying too hard (I am quite independent) or maybe all 19-20 year old guys are like this and I should try and date older guys?

I'm also in full time work at the moment and heading to University to study engineering in September...so maybe I should just relax and I'll hopefully meet someone nice there?
(edited 9 years ago)

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Reply 1
Is this your definition of nice guy : hot, confident, gift of gab and who sleeps with a new girl every week?
Reply 2
Original post by jamieTT
Is this your definition of nice guy : hot, confident, gift of gab and who sleeps with a new girl every week?


No actually! I do like confident guys...but if they have the gift of the gab and sleep with a lot of girls I'm immediately put off, I'm not a girl anymore and I would like a nice, decent guy...
Reply 3
Original post by Ellie :)
No actually! I do like confident guys...but if they have the gift of the gab and sleep with a lot of girls I'm immediately put off, I'm not a girl anymore and I would like a nice, decent guy...


When I first met him he seemed to perfect...like he completely fitted. I've never met anyone as compatible with me as he was. He was utterly charming, knew the right thing to say in every situation and I was completely besotted. He seemed to have a rather high view of himself but this didn't bother me at firs


Just glancing at your posting history you seem to go for abusive, controlling guys. These are not ''nice guys'', they are the mysterious ''bad boys'' most girls around your age can't get enough of for whatever reason.
Reply 4
But girls moan so much and its so hard to keep them satisfied (non-sexual way)
You go girl!
Yay for engineering!

I don't want to say engineering guys are nicer because I don't want to flatter myself :P but the women are definitely nicer than average, in the sense that they are usually more independent, opinionated (that's a good thing for me), and intelligent. Those qualities are sometimes hard to find in women in other fields.

There will be the creepers... just because of the gender ratio in engineering (in quantity only - some of the most talented and competent engineers I have worked with are women... and I would even go as far as saying women do better than men on average in engineering).

But there will also be a lot of really nice guys, especially since no one has time to sleep around in engineering. And thanks to the ratio, you'll have tons to choose from!
Reply 7
Most people in their early 20s just want one thing. Men and women both. I'm not in any rush to date at this age, i've been on dates with a couple of girls this year and so far the general impression I get is that people just aren't willing to put much effort into it. One minor thing and you're dumped because everyone still thinks they will find someone "better" the next month.

There's a much healthier attitude in over 25's in terms of dating i'm told.

By the way you will probably get tons of guys hit on you in this thread that's how TSR goes.
I guess the guys you have been interested in, as far as I can see from your OP, Ellie, are not the good type. It's the matter of preference, I have no objections with that. I must say that if you kept indulging with them, it might affect your own self esteem, rather than bothering them. Perhaps they don't want you for sex, but you feel that way.

The guys who have been interested in me, have always been very charming and they still talk to me. Maybe it's because I don't choose to be friends with the kind of guys you have mentioned.
I am sure, they definitely don't want me for sex solely.
Original post by ihavemooedtoday
Yay for engineering!

I don't want to say engineering guys are nicer because I don't want to flatter myself :P but the women are definitely nicer than average, in the sense that they are usually more independent, opinionated (that's a good thing for me), and intelligent. Those qualities are sometimes hard to find in women in other fields.

There will be the creepers... just because of the gender ratio in engineering (in quantity only - some of the most talented and competent engineers I have worked with are women... and I would even go as far as saying women do better than men on average in engineering).

But there will also be a lot of really nice guys, especially since no one has time to sleep around in engineering. And thanks to the ratio, you'll have tons to choose from!

What has engineering got to do with a person being nice? :curious:
Or anything with sex?

Engineer-fetish, huh? :hubba:
Original post by Hellcat12
What has engineering got to do with a person being nice? :curious:
Or anything with sex?

Engineer-fetish, huh? :hubba:

Hahaha of course!

Well, there are nice and not so nice people in every field, so it's just a grossly inaccurate generalization.

My post was mainly just poking fun at the 10:1 male:female ratio in engineering, though I'm obviously not very good at that :P.
Original post by Ellie :)
I know this is one of those typical questions, but I guess I'd like some straight, personal advice.
I'm 20 years old and every guy I seem to have a spark with is only after one thing...
I haven't slept with many guys at all, I haven't been round the block, I've only slept with one guy out of a relationship (And I did have feelings for him), I'm not unattractive, I'm relatively intelligent (I'm an engineer), I think I'm a kind caring person and I'm bubbly and a little bit crazy :P

It's really starting to get me down that over the past 6 months I've met 2 nice guys. Each time we hit it off, they took my number (in one case they gave me an incredible goodbye kiss) and then neither of them text.
I actually saw one of them last week in a bar and he ignored me and hit on every girl in there!
I'd just like to have a connection and then go on some dates?! haha
I have met other nice guys in this time but these 2 I really felt the spark :') Most guys I meet only seem to be interested in sex and not in me.

I'm not sure if I'm going for the wrong type of guys, if I'm being too picky, if I'm trying too hard (I am quite independent) or maybe all 19-20 year old guys are like this and I should try and date older guys?

I'm also in full time work at the moment and heading to University to study engineering in September...so maybe I should just relax and I'll hopefully meet someone nice there?


Hey Ellie, it seems to me like you've just had a bit of bad luck. You're right in that you should relax and not try too hard. Over thinking things is always a bit dangerous - you've got loads of time and plenty of opportunities to meet someone nice that you have a connection with.

Honestly, when I was 19-20, I don't think I was mature enough to deal with serious relationships. I've found that relationships need a lot of work and though its fun at the beginning, both people need to want the same thing for a long term relationship to work. So it is likely that the guys you meet aren't ready for that kind of commitment. I'm 25 now and feel very ready to commit to something serious and long term. Not only that, I'm confident that if I meet the right girl, we can make it work. Based on my experiences, I'd say age / maturity has a lot to do with your situation. As you seem to be after a proper relationship (rather than a fling or fb etc), I'd say just take your time in getting to know them and look for guys with more mature personalities.

You sound lovely, and I'm sure you'll meet someone great! Best of luck :smile:
Reply 12
Original post by Hellcat12
What has engineering got to do with a person being nice? :curious:
Or anything with sex?

Engineer-fetish, huh? :hubba:

I think he's just trying to sell himself to the fair maiden. And failing, might I add.
Original post by james1211
I think he's just trying to sell himself to the fair maiden. And failing, might I add.

Seeing how I'm probably closer to twice her age... I doubt it. Why would you think that?
Reply 14
Original post by ihavemooedtoday
Seeing how I'm probably closer to twice her age... I doubt it. Why would you think that?

Cause that's what guys on TSR do. Started by flattering yourself, went on to flattering all girls in engineering, then went back to flattering yourself.

TSR has taught me to react this way.
Original post by james1211
Cause that's what guys on TSR do. Started by flattering yourself, went on to flattering all girls in engineering, then went back to flattering yourself.

TSR has taught me to react this way.

Ah!

I wasn't really trying to flatter all girls in engineering. The little disclaimer was added because there are many girls (the OP is obviously not one of them) reluctant to go into STEM because of all the sexist @#$@# going on, so I try to be careful when mentioning the ratio to not give the wrong impression. There are many men who still believe girls can't be engineers, and even more unfortunately they managed to convince quite a lot of girls. I'm not on a mission to change the world or anything, but I try to at least not make it worse.

(and no this is not another attempt at trying to get the girl!)
Reply 16
Original post by superduper9
Hey Ellie, it seems to me like you've just had a bit of bad luck. You're right in that you should relax and not try too hard. Over thinking things is always a bit dangerous - you've got loads of time and plenty of opportunities to meet someone nice that you have a connection with.

Honestly, when I was 19-20, I don't think I was mature enough to deal with serious relationships. I've found that relationships need a lot of work and though its fun at the beginning, both people need to want the same thing for a long term relationship to work. So it is likely that the guys you meet aren't ready for that kind of commitment. I'm 25 now and feel very ready to commit to something serious and long term. Not only that, I'm confident that if I meet the right girl, we can make it work. Based on my experiences, I'd say age / maturity has a lot to do with your situation. As you seem to be after a proper relationship (rather than a fling or fb etc), I'd say just take your time in getting to know them and look for guys with more mature personalities.

You sound lovely, and I'm sure you'll meet someone great! Best of luck :smile:


Yeah I guess I have...I'm just maybe a little bit lonely and fed up of rejection or not meeting someone I feel a strong connection with that feels it back.

This has really helped me actually and made me feel so much better!

Thankyou and yourself :cute:
I feel like your me! Same age, going to uni in September and same situation! I don't know why it always happens. Even when the guys are older like 25 they still do it and you'd think they would know better by now! Maybe we are just looking for the wrong type of guy!


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Welsh_insomniac
You go girl!


No need to get your panties in a twist.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 19
Original post by Hellcat12
I guess the guys you have been interested in, as far as I can see from your OP, Ellie, are not the good type. It's the matter of preference, I have no objections with that. I must say that if you kept indulging with them, it might affect your own self esteem, rather than bothering them. Perhaps they don't want you for sex, but you feel that way.

The guys who have been interested in me, have always been very charming and they still talk to me. Maybe it's because I don't choose to be friends with the kind of guys you have mentioned.
I am sure, they definitely don't want me for sex solely.


No, I'm not sure they have been...the problem is that I actually have started to go for guys that I thought were mature and nice! Especially the shy, cute guy who took my number and gave me a goodbye kiss..only for him not to text and then I see him flirting with every girl in the whole bar in front of me in a few weeks time. He seemed really nice at first and it was basically all an act! haha...I'm pretty sure because I didn't go home with him he decided not to text.
Maybe I should stop meeting guys in bars :s-smilie:

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