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Depression - just want to talk to someone

I just wanted to talk to someone about how I'm feeling. Is someone willing to listen?

I've experienced low mood throughout University. I graduated last summer and was put on sertraline in September. Sometimes I wonder though. Am I depressed or just lazy/being too sensitive?

Since I've been a teenager I've been quite lazy, had poor concentration and slept excessively. I'm fairly clever so even if I don't do much work I get OKish marks so I never really got into much trouble. I got into a RG Uni (I missed my grades and they let me in) and never really enjoyed it. I had lots of problems in first year, like didn't make many friends until second semester and wasn't really doing much work/enjoying the course. I decided to see how exams would go, but I just revised the night before for everything and did OK while other people who didn't do the work failed so I didn't really have any motivation to leave as I wasn't doing that badly.

I've had eating problems for a while. Since I've been about 16 I've skipped meals and not eaten properly as I tend to put weight on really easily. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 21 (which is why I am so sensitive to weight gain) but struggled with weight gain unknowingly for a very long time. Often my energy has been low because I haven't been eating enough or have been eating the wrong foods.

My mood went down lots at Uni and I found myself often feeling really empty and sad. I would try to read, but the concentration wasn't there. I would mostly spend my time sleeping or just sitting in my room. From about second year I felt really empty and morbid, life just seemed so pointless. I would often forget to shower and clean my teeth, it was just something I lost awareness of. My weight was fluctuating like crazy (me still not understanding why) and I totally lost interest in clothes and looking good. I couldn't concentrate on my work, but again I was still doing OK. I failed a few minor tests but still passed everything overall. When I was younger I was passionate about television and film. I remember in second year I went to see The King's Speech and there was just no concentration. It was like I was watching a blank screen, nothing was going in.

I had a year abroad for my third year and spent most of it alone. Just found other people irritable. My language didn't improve much. Living in the country my understanding improved lots but the grammar still wasn't clicking. I would try to look at my grammar books but again, nothing was going in. I was generally lonesome and sleeping lots.

By fourth year I was sick of education. Part of me couldn't really believe I had made it this far. I spent most of my final year alone in my room, still not really concentrating. Graduated with a high 2:2.

I felt really down after graduating and returning home. My mum and dad who are both GPs said they didn't think I was depressed. I went a bit loony and spent nearly £200 on dating websites and psychics. I know it sounds crazy but I was seriously so low and thinking I would kill myself - so I was just grabbing onto anything.

My dad looked at my bank statement and when he saw how I'd been spending money I think he finally realised something might actually be wrong. So they sent me to a psychiatrist who after a few sessions, put me on sertraline. That was in September. From about September to January I was really low. Just spending my time in bed all day with no motivation.

After about January I noticed that my head started feeling better, and I actually wanted to get up and do things as opposed to just lieing in bed all day. I started to notice I was laughing more and enjoying things more. But things still weren't quite right. I remember in February I was watching the news with my family and a story came on about a family who had been murdered. It made me cry and cry. I was moving around more but my mood was still sensitive and low.

Now that it's hit Easter my head feels better and I think my concentration is improving. But I still feel quite slow in movement and low. What do people think of what I've experienced. Do you think depression?

I find life so pointless, doesn't everyone else? How do people keep going when this existence is seemingly so meaningless?

I just wan't to talk to someone.
(edited 9 years ago)
Hi there,
Hey hey! First Internet hug. Now, you need to talk to an actual person. Find a counsellor or go to a GP-not your parents as parents can be biased- and ask them to refer you on. In many cases, counsellors become almost like a friend but in a 'detached' way; you pour out your feelings and they listen and give suggestions on what you can do.
Also, I find that when people are low, it's best to do something 'happy'. Dancing or just exercising no matter how bad you feel releases oxytocin, making you happier. Also, listen to light, happy music not overly upbeat or depressing stuff. Spend time with people who make you feel good/ valued. Sometimes you need that slightly crazy friend to help you lighten up
Sorry posted too quickly before


I think definitely depression, but only because what you have gone through over the years echoes some of my own experience (both parents doctors but slightly bad at noticing or accepting that all wasnt well, the sertraline from a psychiatrist, the question of laziness or oversensitivity, thinking life is meaningless and general extended low feelings, issues with eating properly/disorderly eating).

I stopped using the sertraline to be honest I found it really odd that a psychiatrist just said "this'll help" except I'm sure from the outside it looks like you have a great life so why should u be not functioning well in the world and not seeing any reason to carry on.

The best thing that helped me (which I am doing now) is talking to someone on a weekly basis. There are certain things that you can go through (like when you said "Since I've been a teenager I've been quite lazy" ) and although talking about all this meaningly stuff seems like it wouldnt help for some reason, just like taking a tablet, it really does.

I still have this meaningless/pointless ting about life sometimes but at the moment i'm able to balance it with thinking about al the other things that give life meaning sporadically, like laughing about something with someone or making someone feel better, even if it's only for an hour. Life starts to mean more that way.


I mean everything you have described just sounds like real and true "depression". You parents might be the kinds of parents (like mine) who, although cared very much about me were a little too uncomfortable with addressing the issue of your general unhappiness and wanting to die - and would rather just pretend like nothing was wrong until the bank statement issue stopped them from being able to do that.

My depression got a lot worse after graduating - I felt like "right, I've done it. Life is done... what's the point in any more of this", like I kept my head down and now it's up, and there's nothing there worth seeing.

You shoudl talk to someone who knows really and truly how to listen to you. It's really worth it. Do you have someone that you speak to regularly? I can understand exactly why you are so weirdly affected by things like the news, and maybe certain things that someone (like family) might say could set you off?

Anyway just thought I'd reply since I sort of know what you are going through to some extent. Sorry you are feeling that way.
One thing that really helps is getting into your body and out of your head... scream and should and jump around and feel foolish. It makes you feel very different for a while.

Sound strange but it works for me and helped with my depression.
Hi, I'm in my first year at uni and struggle with depressive phases and anxiety. I don't think I've had it as bad as you, and what you've been through sounds absolutely awful, but I can totally emphasise with some of the things you have said. I've finally been to get help and will be put on anti-depressants and I'm feeling optimistic for the future. I'm quite a happy person normally and I try my hardest to keep how I feel inside, and people close to me don't quite realise there is anything wrong with me, they just thinking I'm being really lazy or moany but in reality its much much worse than I care to let on, they don't know how hard it is for me to actually do things.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I was just going to say if you want we can PM, just say :smile: I would love for someone to talk to about how I'm really feeling.
Reply 6
That was quite a lot to take in so I've doubtlessly remembered parts wrong.
Original post by honeyandlemon
I find life so pointless, doesn't everyone else? How do people keep going when this existence is seemingly so meaningless?

This was the only part that stood out to me as some sort of cause. Is this something you've always thought about?

You could be depressed, I don't know enough about it to say but lethargy seems to be a result of depression.

Idk, I read it all and I'm not sure what to say really. Do you have any idea what might make you feel better? You said you were on dating sites, is that part of the problem? Perhaps just a lack of friendships in general as you didn't make them initially? Was it the same at school?

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