How do I ask a girl to spend more time with me?

So there is this girl at work who I have talked to a bit, she seems cool and I would like to get to know her, how do I ask her to spend more time with me (As a friend) so it doesn't sound like a date?

Thanks

Reply 1

awe

14

Invite her to see a film with you and another friend, with some drinks/food after? If there's someone else involved it will easily avoid that 'date' vibe haha. Or just suggest anything regular, but add sincerely that you 'don't mean anything by it, just wouldn't mind spending more time as friends'. Maybe catch something she says about wanting to go see this particular film or eat in this particular restaurant, and suggest that you go together to experience this? Whichever way you do it, if it's just the two of you then you are probably going to have to add something about 'just friends' in there. P: Which is somewhat of a shame, but hey. I wouldn't worry too much about it being a bit awkward if it gets the meaning across.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by awe

Invite her to see a film with you and another friend, with some drinks/food after? If there's someone else involved it will easily avoid that 'date' vibe haha. Or just suggest anything regular, but add sincerely that you 'don't mean anything by it, just wouldn't mind spending more time as friends'. Maybe catch something she says about wanting to go see this particular film or eat in this particular restaurant, and suggest that you go together to experience this? Whichever way you do it, if it's just the two of you then you are probably going to have to add something about 'just friends' in there. P: Which is somewhat of a shame, but hey. I wouldn't worry too much about it being a bit awkward if it gets the meaning across.

If I say as a friend will that not set me up to be in the (for lack of a better term) 'friendzone'. And I didn't want to specify an activity to leave it open for her to choose but would you say it is better to find out what she likes and do something related to that. Kind of to show that I listen to her.

Reply 3

awe

14

Original post by Anonymous

If I say as a friend will that not set me up to be in the (for lack of a better term) 'friendzone'. And I didn't want to specify an activity to leave it open for her to choose but would you say it is better to find out what she likes and do something related to that. Kind of to show that I listen to her.

You said in your OP you want it to be as friend, so it isn't like a date, so I think it's fair to assume that you insinuated you wanted to be in that friendzone... You've said you don't want to tell her 'as friends', you don't want to specify an activity. All that's left is to, as I say, wait until she hints at something she wanted to see/do and then invite her to it, or just ask 'fancy doing something at the weekend?' and leaving her to decide. There are issues in leaving her to decide, in that you're the one asking her to spend time with you so the general etiquette is that you 'control' where the two of you go. 'Have you seen the new Spiderman film yet?' 'Nooo I really want to!' 'Me too, everyone has already been! Don't suppose you want to go this weekend if it's still on?' e.g

Reply 4

Orthonym

So you want a date but you want it in a way that doesn't let her know you like her in case it makes you vulnerable?

A date is when 2 people meet up to get to know each other better because they don't know each other enough to decide if they want a relationship. It doesn't mean you have to have a romantic dinner, or kiss her, or hold hands, or even call it a date. But it's still a date!

Invite her to something in a group situation - "hey, a few of us are going to [what you're doing and when], want to come along?". If you want it to be just you two, then it's a date, that's the definition of it! If you say "just as friends" then you are basically just chickening out of letting her know you're interested! Anyway, if you ask her to spend time with just you, then she's going to guess you're interested anyway, so you may as well just ask her out on a date without calling it a date.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks, I guess it would be a date, I want it to be 'as friends' at first but I don't want to limit it to just that.

I will find the right moment to ask if she wants to do something together that we both like (As awe suggested).

How do I ask a girl to spend more time with me?

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