trying to get over her is killing me...

Cut contact, give yourself time to move on, shag someone else, and in 2-3 months be her friend if you want to . You're not going to move on, or get your head straight till you give yourself some space from her for a while.

Why do you want to attract someone who has "commitment issues" - seems like she just wants to have a lot of casual sex. Nothing wrong with that, but she doesn't seem like she wants a relationship at all.

Does she not realize telling you she's shagging other people is going to hurt you? Can't you tell her to not say that to you at least? Oh, and "hanging around you" etc is all about attention when she's craving it and she knows you'll provide that.

so should I start ignoring her when she is around? and yes, if she ever tells me who she is sleeping with I will tell her not to as I don't need to know.

the only reason I want to attract her is because I still ****ing love her even though I should hate her to bits after the way she has behaved with me. I don't know how to explain - it just feels so amazing when she is around me, thats all.

Sure, I understand you love her, but you realize someone who doesn't want a relationship, who broke up with you to see/shag other people with little regard for your feelings (telling you about the shags like wtf?) isn't someone you want to be dating.

Its important to think with your head and not your heart right now, as cliche as that sounds. She doesn't want to be with you, is shagging other people and telling you etc...only logical way out is to give yourself some space. Tell her you need space and you haven't moved on...if she's a decent person she'll agree to that. Maybe in a few months when its all subsided in your mind you can give being friends another go...

I've been in worse situation with an ex of 3+ years and managed to walk away, against all my instincts and love for her (at the time). Its painful as **** initially, but you'll realize down the road its the best thing for you.

Is she Asian by any chance?

well after exams I won't be seeing her for about 4 months so maybe thats all I need. thanks for the advice though. The relationship itself was only 3 months and it has been almost longer that we have broken up and the feeling just doesn't go away. and I am not the guy who will just shag another girl to feel better, so I guess I just have to let time pass by,

yes we both are. indian.

Is she Asian by any chance?

Fair enough, maybe those 4 months are what you'll need in all likelihood. You sure you "love" this girl if you were only with her for 3 months? Just wondering like, took me and well, most of my mates in relationships far longer than that to reach the "love" stage.

Also, as much as people advise against it, I found casual sex to be a great way of taking my mind of my ex (she was my first and all that jazz). So if you get a chance to, I'd recommend something casual; I understand if you're not into that though.

the symptoms all seem to be of love… I am the kind of person who can get attached very easily, and those 3 months brought us very close. there was no highly sexual intimacy between us but still. Maybe its very strong attraction but still, seems the same to me right now.

I don't think I would do that kind of thing - I have to have some sort of connection! lol

LOL!!!!!

Indian girls are crazy man. Most don't have a clue what they what! Be careful!

My advice is to be distant with her. If she's "shagging" other guys then don't be second best, if you know what I mean.

Dude...come on, don't spout drivel like that.

From my personal experience it is certainly not drivel.

not sure it is fair to judge a whole ethnicity due to a few bad experiences.

It's been 3 months since she decided to break up due to her commitment issues… we have been in touch since then quite a bit - we are on the same course at uni so avoiding her wasn't really an option. We never had any disagreements or anything so it came as a surprise to me. Anyway, I have tried to take my mind off this situation and tried to meet new people etc… unfortunately I am still thinking of her every 5 minutes.

The issue is that she has got into rebound/casual sex with other guys which she even told me about, and it hurts me badly.. and at the same time she still hangs out with me at times at uni (just as a friend) often enquiring what I have been upto.

I have told her clearly a couple of times in between that I still really like her etc. and she said that she can't commit to anybody so wouldn't want to 'get back'.

However, even though I feel she has moved on, she often messages me when I haven't been in contact with her and even at uni she sits around me, spends time together. She has these mood swings where somedays she completely avoids me and then some days she comes really close. I do not understand this. We had made plans to go out for her birthday earlier this month but then she never replied to my message and so I let it be..

Please can somebody advise me (not just saying move on!) on how to handle the situation? Is there any way I can attract myself to her once again?

Thanks for reading.

Fair point. But in the case of your girl it is appropriate:



She appears she can't make her mind up. It seems she wants to have her cake and eat it at the same time.

Others have posted some good ideas. I'm going to give you the same advice I posted on other similar threads: It may sound silly, but one of the things that helped me get over someone I was infatuated with for over 4 years was telling myself that it would never have happened, I didn't know him well enough and that I was in "love" with the concept of him. Every time I started thinking or fantasizing about him, I would make myself stop and say the out loud if I were on my own, or in my head if not. Eventually I stopped obsessing over him. I know it sounds incredibly stupid but give it a go. I was extremely skeptical when my counselor told me to try this technique, but I decided to give it a go because I was sick of being infatuated with this guy and I had tried a lot of things but nothing seemed to help me get over him.

You need to come up with reasons he's not good for you, and tell them yourself every time you have strong urges of getting him back. Apparently this technique works by forming new neuron connections in your brain that affect your thinking process. I takes time, but it worked for me. I hope it works for you too.