Should I move away? What is success? To me it's finding an attractive girl
Everyone tells me I'm really succesful:I had a great group of friends in school and always got good grades. I went to a good uni and graduated with a first.. had some nice friends there too.
I spend a lot of time at the gym and people keep telling me that I'm so fit and look great. I do other sports and hobbies that people think are really cool.
I started my career path with internships and got a good job at a known company.. My parents are really proud of me and everyone tells me I'm so succesful.
But deep down I know I'm really not. I've learned during these years that there's only one thing that really makes me happy: that is getting attention from girls who I find cute. I love girls so much but just haven't been able to find me a girlfriend. It's slowly destroying me inside and I just keep convicing myself "how good things are".
I look at some pretty unattractive guys I know who failed in school and have really ****ty jobs but actually have cute girlfriends - I can only honestly say I'm jealous of them. Perhaps I keep convicing myself that this path will bring me more money and happiness somehow..
I've now spent years and years trying to find "that girl" but I just can't. I've had some girls I really liked interested in me but then found out they tried to cheat on their boyfriends with me.
I'm now considering moving to another country, very far away where chances of finding an attractive partner are so much better. I'm not even unattractive, but I've just been so unlucky I dont know how long I'm gonna be able to deal with this misery.
I've got a job offer from this country (sorry won't reveal which country, as this would make my post recognisable to any friends reading this, but its in Asia) and the pay is about 70% less than what I could get here in the UK. However, I have every reason to believe I could find a nice girl I like there. I mean I probably could in the UK too, but just haven't managed so far and am worried of getting old before it happens -it's been so many years now.
Should I do it? Should I leave everything behind just to get what I believe makes me happy?
I know it's not guaranteed to find the perfect girl anywhere else either, but I strongly believe I would.
I spend a lot of time at the gym and people keep telling me that I'm so fit and look great. I do other sports and hobbies that people think are really cool.
I started my career path with internships and got a good job at a known company.. My parents are really proud of me and everyone tells me I'm so succesful.
But deep down I know I'm really not. I've learned during these years that there's only one thing that really makes me happy: that is getting attention from girls who I find cute. I love girls so much but just haven't been able to find me a girlfriend. It's slowly destroying me inside and I just keep convicing myself "how good things are".
I look at some pretty unattractive guys I know who failed in school and have really ****ty jobs but actually have cute girlfriends - I can only honestly say I'm jealous of them. Perhaps I keep convicing myself that this path will bring me more money and happiness somehow..
I've now spent years and years trying to find "that girl" but I just can't. I've had some girls I really liked interested in me but then found out they tried to cheat on their boyfriends with me.
I'm now considering moving to another country, very far away where chances of finding an attractive partner are so much better. I'm not even unattractive, but I've just been so unlucky I dont know how long I'm gonna be able to deal with this misery.
I've got a job offer from this country (sorry won't reveal which country, as this would make my post recognisable to any friends reading this, but its in Asia) and the pay is about 70% less than what I could get here in the UK. However, I have every reason to believe I could find a nice girl I like there. I mean I probably could in the UK too, but just haven't managed so far and am worried of getting old before it happens -it's been so many years now.
Should I do it? Should I leave everything behind just to get what I believe makes me happy?
I know it's not guaranteed to find the perfect girl anywhere else either, but I strongly believe I would.
Your gonna move to asia because you can't find a girl. Are you serious?
I mean go for it if you genuinely want to live in asia, But if the reason is actually "I can't find a girl here, Imma go to asia" that not a legitimate reason in my opinion.
Also being in another country is not going to make a tonne of difference unless you are of the culture of your chosen asian place and you are going there to get an arranged marriage.
I also tend to find that the people who complain that they can't get or find girls are the ones that either talk to a few girls that they are comfortable with or none at all, Compared to the PL@Y@s who generally just talk to more people and are more willing to attempt to be social with strangers..
I mean go for it if you genuinely want to live in asia, But if the reason is actually "I can't find a girl here, Imma go to asia" that not a legitimate reason in my opinion.
Also being in another country is not going to make a tonne of difference unless you are of the culture of your chosen asian place and you are going there to get an arranged marriage.
I also tend to find that the people who complain that they can't get or find girls are the ones that either talk to a few girls that they are comfortable with or none at all, Compared to the PL@Y@s who generally just talk to more people and are more willing to attempt to be social with strangers..
Screw "success". Do what makes you happy.
That being said, when it comes to finding a cute girlfriend, I doubt there is a major difference between the countries. Perhaps you prefer the way women usually look in the destination country though, which I guess may be a good reason, but most likely not good enough. I can't really relate to that whole scenario anyway, so wouldn't know what to suggest.
I often dream of moving to another country, but usually those dreams are not very rational.
That being said, when it comes to finding a cute girlfriend, I doubt there is a major difference between the countries. Perhaps you prefer the way women usually look in the destination country though, which I guess may be a good reason, but most likely not good enough. I can't really relate to that whole scenario anyway, so wouldn't know what to suggest.
I often dream of moving to another country, but usually those dreams are not very rational.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by cmad95
Your gonna move to asia because you can't find a girl. Are you serious?
I mean go for it if you genuinely want to live in asia, But if the reason is actually "I can't find a girl here, Imma go to asia" that not a legitimate reason in my opinion.
Also being in another country is not going to make a tonne of difference unless you are of the culture of your chosen asian place and you are going there to get an arranged marriage.
I also tend to find that the people who complain that they can't get or find girls are the ones that either talk to a few girls that they are comfortable with or none at all, Compared to the PL@Y@s who generally just talk to more people and are more willing to attempt to be social with strangers..
I mean go for it if you genuinely want to live in asia, But if the reason is actually "I can't find a girl here, Imma go to asia" that not a legitimate reason in my opinion.
Also being in another country is not going to make a tonne of difference unless you are of the culture of your chosen asian place and you are going there to get an arranged marriage.
I also tend to find that the people who complain that they can't get or find girls are the ones that either talk to a few girls that they are comfortable with or none at all, Compared to the PL@Y@s who generally just talk to more people and are more willing to attempt to be social with strangers..
I think I genuinely want to live there, at least I've conviced myself for other reasons too. I have been and do love the country.
I am pretty sure in this case it's going to make quite a big difference. I'm not originally from the UK but not from Asia either so it wouldn't be a question of arranged marriage or so.
OK so I'm somewhere in the middle, I don't start hitting on complete randomers in Tesco or on the street, but whenever I am in a situation where its appropriate to talk to someone I do. E.g. friends of friends. I've had many girls liking me but I've been just very unlucky and not sure how long its gonna go on..
Original post by huhwhat
**** "success". Do what makes you happy.
That being said, when it comes to finding a cute girlfriend, I doubt there is a major difference between the countries. Perhaps you prefer the way women usually look in the destination country though, which I guess may be a good reason, but most likely not good enough (I can't really relate to that whole scenario anyway).
That being said, when it comes to finding a cute girlfriend, I doubt there is a major difference between the countries. Perhaps you prefer the way women usually look in the destination country though, which I guess may be a good reason, but most likely not good enough (I can't really relate to that whole scenario anyway).
Thanks for this comment I think I will take your advice.
There is a major difference. These are very rough estimates, but in the UK I think maybe max. 5% of girls I see are my type of girls. In this destination country, most girls of my age I find attractive. I'd say maybe 20% are "my type".
For any UK girls reading this, don't be offended. I actually think many of you are gorgeous. I'm just **** at finding you all
Also this post might make me sound like I have very high standards. I have tried dating girls who weren't my type and just accepted it, but it didn't work out at all..
The thing is though that probably only changing the city and job in the UK would increase my chances greatly as I would meet new people - but I feel it's time to escape.
I think it's just a lot more difficult for everyone to find partners than what they expect. You're not doing any worse off than other people. A lot of guy have had a girlfriend by this point, but most of them haven't found 'that girl' either. Because you are looking for a girl you really click with, it means your standards are high compared to the people you know who have cute girlfriends. You know it's not about appearance because ugly guys do get girlfriends, and you are smart and successful, earning money. These things don't just mean you should have a girlfriend and there's something wrong because you don't. You should stay here, or at least plan a short-ish time in Asia with the company you'd be working with, in case you decide after a while you want to live back here instead.
Could I please get a reply from joker12345? Is there some way to tag people on posts here?
She's probable the most reasonable person I've ever seen here on TSR and I really value her opinions o_O
She's probable the most reasonable person I've ever seen here on TSR and I really value her opinions o_O
Original post by Orthonym
I think it's just a lot more difficult for everyone to find partners than what they expect. You're not doing any worse off than other people. A lot of guy have had a girlfriend by this point, but most of them haven't found 'that girl' either. Because you are looking for a girl you really click with, it means your standards are high compared to the people you know who have cute girlfriends. You know it's not about appearance because ugly guys do get girlfriends, and you are smart and successful, earning money. These things don't just mean you should have a girlfriend and there's something wrong because you don't. You should stay here, or at least plan a short-ish time in Asia with the company you'd be working with, in case you decide after a while you want to live back here instead.
Well said, really good points. It's just the fact that I feel every year spend unhappy is a year wasted. I'm sure I could be happy at least in some part of the world
So far I've convinced my self that everything I do builds up and increases my changes of being happy later on, but I realise I'm somekind of an idealist and don't see when this "later on" will ever come. Very good idea about trying it out first. It would be a 6 month contract with possibility to extend,
Original post by Anonymous
Well said, really good points. It's just the fact that I feel every year spend unhappy is a year wasted. I'm sure I could be happy at least in some part of the world
So far I've convinced my self that everything I do builds up and increases my changes of being happy later on, but I realise I'm somekind of an idealist and don't see when this "later on" will ever come. Very good idea about trying it out first. It would be a 6 month contract with possibility to extend,
So far I've convinced my self that everything I do builds up and increases my changes of being happy later on, but I realise I'm somekind of an idealist and don't see when this "later on" will ever come. Very good idea about trying it out first. It would be a 6 month contract with possibility to extend,
I think you see other guys with girlfriends and think they are living the dream, when really they might not be. It makes you feel like you're not doing very well compared to others and that leads to you thinking it's an unhappy and unsuccessful year, wasted the year. When actually you achieved a lot in the year but you are getting yourself down about 1 thing you don't have that you think other people have.
Imagine you had a girlfriend now and you had a 3 year relationship but broke up. You thought she might have been someone you could spend your life with but it just didn't work out. Then you are single for a year. You would feel like you are going no where, and like you had wasted that whole 3 years with someone who didn't actually want to be with you for life. What you want is to find the love of your life and be happy for ever. But I mean how unlikely and unrealistic is it that you would find that one person tomorrow and live happily ever after? You shouldn't beat yourself up because you don't have that yet.
I just have the feeling that if you don't have all the things you want, that 1 thing you can't seem to get will bug you and make you beat yourself up, and you'll disregard the rest of how great you are.
Original post by Anonymous
Everyone tells me I'm really succesful:I had a great group of friends in school and always got good grades. I went to a good uni and graduated with a first.. had some nice friends there too.
I spend a lot of time at the gym and people keep telling me that I'm so fit and look great. I do other sports and hobbies that people think are really cool.
I started my career path with internships and got a good job at a known company.. My parents are really proud of me and everyone tells me I'm so succesful.
But deep down I know I'm really not. I've learned during these years that there's only one thing that really makes me happy: that is getting attention from girls who I find cute. I love girls so much but just haven't been able to find me a girlfriend. It's slowly destroying me inside and I just keep convicing myself "how good things are".
I look at some pretty unattractive guys I know who failed in school and have really ****ty jobs but actually have cute girlfriends - I can only honestly say I'm jealous of them. Perhaps I keep convicing myself that this path will bring me more money and happiness somehow..
I've now spent years and years trying to find "that girl" but I just can't. I've had some girls I really liked interested in me but then found out they tried to cheat on their boyfriends with me.
I'm now considering moving to another country, very far away where chances of finding an attractive partner are so much better. I'm not even unattractive, but I've just been so unlucky I dont know how long I'm gonna be able to deal with this misery.
I've got a job offer from this country (sorry won't reveal which country, as this would make my post recognisable to any friends reading this, but its in Asia) and the pay is about 70% less than what I could get here in the UK. However, I have every reason to believe I could find a nice girl I like there. I mean I probably could in the UK too, but just haven't managed so far and am worried of getting old before it happens -it's been so many years now.
Should I do it? Should I leave everything behind just to get what I believe makes me happy?
I know it's not guaranteed to find the perfect girl anywhere else either, but I strongly believe I would.
I spend a lot of time at the gym and people keep telling me that I'm so fit and look great. I do other sports and hobbies that people think are really cool.
I started my career path with internships and got a good job at a known company.. My parents are really proud of me and everyone tells me I'm so succesful.
But deep down I know I'm really not. I've learned during these years that there's only one thing that really makes me happy: that is getting attention from girls who I find cute. I love girls so much but just haven't been able to find me a girlfriend. It's slowly destroying me inside and I just keep convicing myself "how good things are".
I look at some pretty unattractive guys I know who failed in school and have really ****ty jobs but actually have cute girlfriends - I can only honestly say I'm jealous of them. Perhaps I keep convicing myself that this path will bring me more money and happiness somehow..
I've now spent years and years trying to find "that girl" but I just can't. I've had some girls I really liked interested in me but then found out they tried to cheat on their boyfriends with me.
I'm now considering moving to another country, very far away where chances of finding an attractive partner are so much better. I'm not even unattractive, but I've just been so unlucky I dont know how long I'm gonna be able to deal with this misery.
I've got a job offer from this country (sorry won't reveal which country, as this would make my post recognisable to any friends reading this, but its in Asia) and the pay is about 70% less than what I could get here in the UK. However, I have every reason to believe I could find a nice girl I like there. I mean I probably could in the UK too, but just haven't managed so far and am worried of getting old before it happens -it's been so many years now.
Should I do it? Should I leave everything behind just to get what I believe makes me happy?
I know it's not guaranteed to find the perfect girl anywhere else either, but I strongly believe I would.
There is no such person. You might as define success as finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I think you should go to Asia only if that's what you want to do; as in, because it has multiple benefits. Don't go expecting to find a girlfriend, because you'll only end up disappointed. Just because they are a higher percentage of girls you find attractive in said country, doesn't mean that you'll click with any of them, or even that they'll like you in return.
I also agree with what other posters have said. You do have high standards, because you consider yourself a good mate, and therefore think you deserve the best. Nothing wrong with that. The issue is that because you're looking for 'the one' you're not leaving any room for compromises. 'The one' doesn't exist. And if they do, there's no guarantee she'll be in Asia or at least anywhere where you are. To me it sounds like you already have a great life, but you're not happy, and as a result you think having a 'great' girlfriend will fill the void. Almost like having a full deck of cards. But unfortunately all relationships come with problems, responsibilities, and flaws. Having a girlfriend will not automatically make everything all right, in a lot of situations it can actually make things harder.
Having said that, if you want to go to Asia as a break, and to get a new perspective on life then I see nothing wrong with that, although I wouldn't advise you going for such a low wage when you clearly don't need to. An eternal quest to find the 'one' and thus have the perfect life is always going to disappointing, to be frank. The 'one' comes along when they come along, until then it's almost always better to focus on yourself and what you want.
I also have to ask: why do you think having a girlfriend will make you happy?
I also agree with what other posters have said. You do have high standards, because you consider yourself a good mate, and therefore think you deserve the best. Nothing wrong with that. The issue is that because you're looking for 'the one' you're not leaving any room for compromises. 'The one' doesn't exist. And if they do, there's no guarantee she'll be in Asia or at least anywhere where you are. To me it sounds like you already have a great life, but you're not happy, and as a result you think having a 'great' girlfriend will fill the void. Almost like having a full deck of cards. But unfortunately all relationships come with problems, responsibilities, and flaws. Having a girlfriend will not automatically make everything all right, in a lot of situations it can actually make things harder.
Having said that, if you want to go to Asia as a break, and to get a new perspective on life then I see nothing wrong with that, although I wouldn't advise you going for such a low wage when you clearly don't need to. An eternal quest to find the 'one' and thus have the perfect life is always going to disappointing, to be frank. The 'one' comes along when they come along, until then it's almost always better to focus on yourself and what you want.
I also have to ask: why do you think having a girlfriend will make you happy?
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Could I please get a reply from joker12345? Is there some way to tag people on posts here?
She's probable the most reasonable person I've ever seen here on TSR and I really value her opinions o_O
She's probable the most reasonable person I've ever seen here on TSR and I really value her opinions o_O
I only just saw this and now I feel awful
thanks though OP, it's nice to feel appreciated! Anyway, here's my very, very belated advice ...
Forgetting the girls, would you prefer to stay in the UK? Because if so, there's really no reason going abroad would help. Culturally, assuming you were brought up in the UK, it'll be far easier for you to mingle here and find a girl here. In a foreign country it'll be 10x harder, unless you're a huge extrovert and find it really easy to fit in.
As to girls in general, I think that'll come with time. Better yourself as a person, in other aspects of your life and that will only make it easier to find someone. Talk to people, make friends - lots of people meet partners through friends, or in fact date people they started off as friends with (these can often be the best relationships and often works best for people who don't date a lot as they get to know someone before it turns romantic).
Best of luck with everything!
Asia? Are you kidding? It's harder there than it is in the UK. You have to learn a new language, new cultures. If your Christian, in some places they don't let you stay because of that. I know I'm a geek, of sorts, but you got to think about this: friends and family are in the UK. Honey, are you ok with moving to a whole different continent to find a girl? Try match.com or eharmony.com. If your a farmer, farmersonly.com, my favorite commercial so far. Jk.
Don't do it. Move somewhere different in the UK to find that special girl. I know you can do it. You sound like an amazing man and any woman that says "no" is missing out. Please don't ask me out because I'm in a relationship. Just kidding, your going to find her. Soon. I can feel it for you.
Have a great day/night, wherever you are. Be safe
.
Don't do it. Move somewhere different in the UK to find that special girl. I know you can do it. You sound like an amazing man and any woman that says "no" is missing out. Please don't ask me out because I'm in a relationship. Just kidding, your going to find her. Soon. I can feel it for you.
Have a great day/night, wherever you are. Be safe
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