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Feel like I have missed out on so much with regards to dating, relationships and sex

I'm male, 23 years old (not all that far away from 24 years old), due to graduate from university in a couple of months and I feel like I have missed out on so much with regards to dating, relationships and sex. As most of you are probably aware, I only had sex for the first time a few months ago. Still never had a girlfriend and only gone on 2 "dates" with girls (if you can call it that) and both were off the internet.

I want to experience dating, relationships and (inevitably) sex more than I have done. I feel like I've missed out a lot. I've already gone through university and failed. After I graduate from university, I want to make it a fresh start and meet more women (which hopefully leads to dates/relationships/sex). But how do I do it? If I've failed at university, where you're around so many people of the same age, how is it going to be any better in the real world?

I don't want to be that person who barely gets any experience and settles down with a woman in his late 20's. That would be my nightmare scenario. I want to experience lots of women before I get bored and finally settle down. And because I'm a number of years behind everyone else, I don't see myself wanting to settle down for a while.

Have any of you got any advice? :redface:


Two important points to note:

1. I do not care what other people think. I want this for myself. So don't give responses along the lines of "why do you care what others do/what others think?".

2. Don't say I'm not missing out on much. Maybe that's the case, maybe not. That's for me to find out. Right now, I want more experience and that's all that matters to me.

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Reply 1
Wow this forum is dead. My threads used to get replies in about 10 seconds. :o:
Reply 2
Original post by Bassetts
I'm male, 23 years old (not all that far away from 24 years old), due to graduate from university in a couple of months and I feel like I have missed out on so much with regards to dating, relationships and sex. As most of you are probably aware, I only had sex for the first time a few months ago. Still never had a girlfriend and only gone on 2 "dates" with girls (if you can call it that) and both were off the internet.

I want to experience dating, relationships and (inevitably) sex more than I have done. I feel like I've missed out a lot. I've already gone through university and failed. After I graduate from university, I want to make it a fresh start and meet more women (which hopefully leads to dates/relationships/sex). But how do I do it? If I've failed at university, where you're around so many people of the same age, how is it going to be any better in the real world?

I don't want to be that person who barely gets any experience and settles down with a woman in his late 20's. That would be my nightmare scenario. I want to experience lots of women before I get bored and finally settle down. And because I'm a number of years behind everyone else, I don't see myself wanting to settle down for a while.

Have any of you got any advice? :redface:


Two important points to note:

1. I do not care what other people think. I want this for myself. So don't give responses along the lines of "why do you care what others do/what others think?".

2. Don't say I'm not missing out on much. Maybe that's the case, maybe not. That's for me to find out. Right now, I want more experience and that's all that matters to me.


I'm 24 and I've NEVER had a girlfriend in my life!

You don't see me complaining and whinging though :smile:
Depends if your attractive or not. If your not , then its not a big deal anyway :colone:
Reply 4
Original post by effofex
I'm 24 and I've NEVER had a girlfriend in my life!

You don't see me complaining and whinging though :smile:
Do you care that you never have, or are you not bothered?

Original post by Legendairy
Depends if your attractive or not. If your not , then its not a big deal anyway :colone:
So if you're ugly, you are forced to settle down early and gain no experience beyond that?

Not that I'm ugly. I believe I am average looking and look young for my age. Does that make a difference?
Original post by Bassetts
I'm male, 23 years old (not all that far away from 24 years old), due to graduate from university in a couple of months and I feel like I have missed out on so much with regards to dating, relationships and sex. As most of you are probably aware, I only had sex for the first time a few months ago. Still never had a girlfriend and only gone on 2 "dates" with girls (if you can call it that) and both were off the internet.

I want to experience dating, relationships and (inevitably) sex more than I have done. I feel like I've missed out a lot. I've already gone through university and failed. After I graduate from university, I want to make it a fresh start and meet more women (which hopefully leads to dates/relationships/sex). But how do I do it? If I've failed at university, where you're around so many people of the same age, how is it going to be any better in the real world?

I don't want to be that person who barely gets any experience and settles down with a woman in his late 20's. That would be my nightmare scenario. I want to experience lots of women before I get bored and finally settle down. And because I'm a number of years behind everyone else, I don't see myself wanting to settle down for a while.

Have any of you got any advice? :redface:


Two important points to note:

1. I do not care what other people think. I want this for myself. So don't give responses along the lines of "why do you care what others do/what others think?".

2. Don't say I'm not missing out on much. Maybe that's the case, maybe not. That's for me to find out. Right now, I want more experience and that's all that matters to me.


i think making friendships is key :smile: i always meet people through friends or one of my friendships develop into something more :P

also friends encourage you to go out socialise and do things, socialising is how you meet people... sounds obvious but worth saying haha
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Bassetts
Do you care that you never have, or are you not bothered?

So if you're ugly, you are forced to settle down early and gain no experience beyond that?

Not that I'm ugly. I believe I am average looking and look young for my age. Does that make a difference?


Dude, you're not entitled to pump and dump women for nothing in return. Have you thought about it from their perspective? Why should they sleep with you? Not to be cruel, but you need to stop whinging and start working on yourself.
Reply 7
A lot of people have had more experience than you, but there are a lot of people your age who have had less experience than you as well. You shouldn't bully yourself and say you've failed just because you feel like you haven't done as much as the average person. Who says you're a number of years later than everyone else? Loads of relationships in late teens/early 20s fail and they all get moody and annoyed and complain about how bad it is for them. Maybe it's them who do things a few years too early compared to you!

Everyone is missing something, making them feel like they haven't got as much as the average person. Stop beating yourself up for what you don't have. You're graduating, me too, congrats! Having a degree will hopefully mean your quality of life is better, you can get a job now ect leading to you being an even more independent person.

Really, no rush with women, just take it a day at a time and take up opportunities as they appear. All you can do really!
Original post by Bassetts
Do you care that you never have, or are you not bothered?

So if you're ugly, you are forced to settle down early and gain no experience beyond that?

Not that I'm ugly. I believe I am average looking and look young for my age. Does that make a difference?


No you can do whatever you want if your not very beautiful, but your number of potential partners will be reduced. Yes, it means you are missing out.
Reply 9
Original post by BeanofJelly
Dude, you're not entitled to pump and dump women for nothing in return. Have you thought about it from their perspective? Why should they sleep with you? Not to be cruel, but you need to stop whinging and start working on yourself.
Okay name me everything I should work on.
Original post by Bassetts
Okay name me everything I should work on.


Well, I know it's frustrating advice, but attitude is one.

Instead of viewing "experiencing" as many women sexually as possible as the be all and end all, you could try to relax a little, and find other interests, experiences and friendships (male and female).

Women will not be attracted to you if you a) are boring, b) reek of the desire to shag as many of them as possible without being interested in much else, c) pity yourself.

Those 3 have sort of come across to me in this thread. Now, it might be that those sort of issues have arisen only because you have been somewhat sexually deprived (and there is a lot of pressure on you), so I'm not just trying to judge - it's just whatever the cause (including the problem itself), the attitude is counterproductive.

If I was single, what you've conveyed in this thread, couldn't make me want to sleep with you less. The harsh truth. Even if you think you are hiding it quite well, women will be picking up on your desperation and self-pity (and frankly your lack of genuine interest in them), and it is turning them off.

You could find it helpful just to try to act like someone who is totally cool about this, has all the sexual experience he wants, gets along great with women, even if you don't feel like it. I mean - generally "pretending to be what you want to be" is sometimes good advice for becoming what you want to be. But tbh, I don't know, it's hard. I'm no expert.

EDIT: Or there's always general measures. Work out, get a good haircut and wear flattering clothes, meet more people. Try to become as popular as you can (be good company, laugh at yourself, be a good mate), get a wingman, develop confidence, learn how to flirt and flatter (the best flattery is simply showing a genuine interest in someone else's pov on things).
(edited 9 years ago)
First world problems.. only joking but it's a bit hypocritical of you after saying my post was haha
Original post by Bassetts
Okay name me everything I should work on.


Likeability.
Popularity.
I know you're working out physically, so that's good.
Sense of humour.
Ambition.
Confidence.
Charm.
Reply 13
Original post by Orthonym
A lot of people have had more experience than you, but there are a lot of people your age who have had less experience than you as well. You shouldn't bully yourself and say you've failed just because you feel like you haven't done as much as the average person. Who says you're a number of years later than everyone else? Loads of
I did say I want this for myself, not for other people. I don't want to compare to other people (well technically the question itself inherently involves comparison with other people, but you know what I mean).

relationships in late teens/early 20s fail and they all get moody and annoyed and complain about how bad it is for them.
Exactly my point. I want experience and don't mind about failed relationships which don't last a long time.

Maybe it's them who do things a few years too early compared to you!
No because the human body is ready for sex by the age of about 14, so they are doing things at the right time and I am not.

Everyone is missing something, making them feel like they haven't got as much as the average person.
Except the average person has had more experience than me by my age and relationships with the opposite sex are a huge part of life (it's arguably the only reason why we even exist).

Stop beating yourself up for what you don't have. You're graduating, me too, congrats! Having a degree will hopefully mean your quality of life is better, you can get a job now ect leading to you being an even more independent person.
Great, but doesn't stop me from wanting this.

Really, no rush with women, just take it a day at a time and take up opportunities as they appear. All you can do really!
No time like the present. Why wait around?
Original post by Bassetts


I don't want to be that person who barely gets any experience and settles down with a woman in his late 20's. That would be my nightmare scenario. I want to experience lots of women before I get bored and finally settle down. And because I'm a number of years behind everyone else, I don't see myself wanting to settle down for a while.


I don't think there's any point in thinking that long term. It'll just drive you nuts, and you can't predict what will happen to you. I never thought I'd be the long term relationship guy. I planned to be single for years, maybe start dating in my mid twenties. Then I met the right girl for me. It's about who, not when. You meet a girl and fall in love tomorrow, are you going to ditch her so you can bang more girls?
Reply 15
Original post by Bassetts
I don't want to be that person who barely gets any experience and settles down with a woman in his late 20's. That would be my nightmare scenario. I want to experience lots of women before I get bored and finally settle down. And because I'm a number of years behind everyone else, I don't see myself wanting to settle down for a while.

Have any of you got any advice? :redface:

Will you be happy that the woman you eventually end up with has experienced 'lots of men' before she gets bored and settles down? Or is it only you that is entitled to play the field?
You seem to think you have every right to be a player?
Maybe that's why you've 'failed' with women, we can smell desperation a mile off.
Original post by Bassetts
Do you care that you never have, or are you not bothered


I'm curious what it's like, but I'm not exactly going to spend my time sulking if I'm not asked out! What would be the point? :smile:

You don't have to settle down either.
Reply 17
Original post by keturah
First world problems.. only joking but it's a bit hypocritical of you after saying my post was haha
You're a girl so it's different.

Original post by Gibber96
Likeability.
Popularity.
I know you're working out physically, so that's good.
Sense of humour.
Ambition.
Confidence.
Charm.
I have none of those attributes. I think I should just go kill myself now. :ashamed:

Original post by Mankytoes
I don't think there's any point in thinking that long term. It'll just drive you nuts, and you can't predict what will happen to you. I never thought I'd be the long term relationship guy. I planned to be single for years, maybe start dating in my mid twenties. Then I met the right girl for me. It's about who, not when. You meet a girl and fall in love tomorrow, are you going to ditch her so you can bang more girls?
It depends. Many guys cheat or have casual relationships with many girls, and girls fall for these type of guys.
Reply 18
Original post by Cobbler
Will you be happy that the woman you eventually end up with has experienced 'lots of men' before she gets bored and settles down? Or is it only you that is entitled to play the field?
You seem to think you have every right to be a player?
Maybe that's why you've 'failed' with women, we can smell desperation a mile off.
No, she has every right to play the field too.

Desperation is something you would never be able to smell off me. I am an apathetic individual who shows very little emotion and I'm impossible to read.
Original post by Bassetts
You're a girl so it's different.

I have none of those attributes. I think I should just go kill myself now. :ashamed:

It depends. Many guys cheat or have casual relationships with many girls, and girls fall for these type of guys.


They aren't attributes that you either have or don't have; they are a sliding scale. Drag yourself a bit further up that scale, and start by being less self-pitying. Get better at one of those things, the rest come naturally. Funny people are popular, likeable, confident etc.

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