My mum is forcing me to pray.
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Original post by puregirl21
I'm 16 years old
Dude that is pretty harsh. I would talk to your version of a priest he may be Abel to help you out in this matter. You don't have to bel wave to talk . Matey he could drop something into the service about bulling children and how it's wrong and if not it's only a year an a half until uni hang in there
Original post by ArabianPhoenix
Can you not pretend to pray? Islamic prayers take 5 minutes, surely if she 'forces' you to pray you can just pretend.
You seem like a troll btw OP. well done 6/10
You seem like a troll btw OP. well done 6/10
Not picking on this quote in particular as it's been suggested by lots of people, but maybe it's not just as simple as pretending to pray? I'll admit I don't know anything about OP, or much about religion, but if it was me, pretending to believe in something I didn't would make me feel pretty guilty and not very good about myself. Obviously it's a really difficult situation and pretending would be the easiest way for OP to keep things stable (as stable as possible) with her family, but I'm just saying it's not easy to constantly lie and pretend to have beliefs that you don't.
Also it's possibly not just the 5 minutes it takes to pray as a whole religious lifestyle that she might not agree with. It's hard to live like that.
OP I really hope things get better for you, and that you can find someone to talk to about this.
Original post by puregirl21
She makes me read it out with her and she did shout at me when I had to pray with her right now because I kept on fidgeting. The only reason she makes me pray is because she believes its the way for her to get into heaven, she doesn't even want it for the benefit of me. And I hate it so much, I can't even say anything to her because she's not like normal parents who would just accept it and move on. I still remember when I was learning to read the Qu'ran and she slapped me because I pronounced something wrong, then I was crying and she kept shouting at me to continue reading and I was so scared.
Religion is not important for those who believe in it ? However you should talk to your mum and ask her to let you pray on your own if possible. Hitting someone is actually wrong in Islam too.
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(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by locksher
Not picking on this quote in particular as it's been suggested by lots of people, but maybe it's not just as simple as pretending to pray? I'll admit I don't know anything about OP, or much about religion, but if it was me, pretending to believe in something I didn't would make me feel pretty guilty and not very good about myself. Obviously it's a really difficult situation and pretending would be the easiest way for OP to keep things stable (as stable as possible) with her family, but I'm just saying it's not easy to constantly lie and pretend to have beliefs that you don't.
Also it's possibly not just the 5 minutes it takes to pray as a whole religious lifestyle that she might not agree with. It's hard to live like that.
OP I really hope things get better for you, and that you can find someone to talk to about this.
Also it's possibly not just the 5 minutes it takes to pray as a whole religious lifestyle that she might not agree with. It's hard to live like that.
OP I really hope things get better for you, and that you can find someone to talk to about this.
It may be difficult for her but she's only 16 so not able to support herself yet. So her choices are probably either to conform up to a point and have a home or go to social services and lose her family. Sometimes there are only bad choices.
I think the best thing to do is just grin and bare it until you're in a position to make your own decisions. I know that it must really suck to invest so much time into something that you don't believe in but at the end of the day, your safety must always come first.
I would however seek advise from a professional helpline because there's only so much advise people on a forum can give you and a professional can guide you on what actions to take if your mother continues to beat you in such a way.
I would however seek advise from a professional helpline because there's only so much advise people on a forum can give you and a professional can guide you on what actions to take if your mother continues to beat you in such a way.
Original post by Sunny_Smiles
tell her to go mind her own business
You were brought up well..
Look, tbh idk why you're even complaining. You're part of a beautiful religion and I pray 5 times a day and I wasn't forced into it. The rest of my siblings don't bother to pray but it's an incredibly beautiful thing. You're at peace and you make du'ah to Allah who helps you. It's amazing knowing that when there's something bad happening in your life, that you're able to turn to God to have Him help you.
I know that many of the users won't agree with me but personally you really have nothing to complain about. There are people who would love to convert to Islam but can't. Also, going to social services is a bad in the sense that it's just a bunch of strangers meddling in your private life. Trust me, I've seen it where children have done that and they've regretted it. On top of that you're just giving your family a bad name.
But in a sense I do understand where you're coming from. Nobody should be "forced" to do anything. I personally think you should accept your faith - appreciate the fact that you're mum is trying to help you and help you become a better Muslim. You really should try and think of the good side to this and even though some users will go that there isn't and whatever, I actually see that there is. If you're really concerned see an Islamic teacher or Imaam or somebody to help you with the situation in a way that it can benefit you both.
I know that many of the users won't agree with me but personally you really have nothing to complain about. There are people who would love to convert to Islam but can't. Also, going to social services is a bad in the sense that it's just a bunch of strangers meddling in your private life. Trust me, I've seen it where children have done that and they've regretted it. On top of that you're just giving your family a bad name.
But in a sense I do understand where you're coming from. Nobody should be "forced" to do anything. I personally think you should accept your faith - appreciate the fact that you're mum is trying to help you and help you become a better Muslim. You really should try and think of the good side to this and even though some users will go that there isn't and whatever, I actually see that there is. If you're really concerned see an Islamic teacher or Imaam or somebody to help you with the situation in a way that it can benefit you both.
OP, time to get good at lying.
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Original post by Safiya122
Look, tbh idk why you're even complaining. You're part of a beautiful religion and I pray 5 times a day and I wasn't forced into it. The rest of my siblings don't bother to pray but it's an incredibly beautiful thing. You're at peace and you make du'ah to Allah who helps you. It's amazing knowing that when there's something bad happening in your life, that you're able to turn to God to have Him help you.
I know that many of the users won't agree with me but personally you really have nothing to complain about. There are people who would love to convert to Islam but can't. Also, going to social services is a bad in the sense that it's just a bunch of strangers meddling in your private life. Trust me, I've seen it where children have done that and they've regretted it. On top of that you're just giving your family a bad name.
But in a sense I do understand where you're coming from. Nobody should be "forced" to do anything. I personally think you should accept your faith - appreciate the fact that you're mum is trying to help you and help you become a better Muslim. You really should try and think of the good side to this and even though some users will go that there isn't and whatever, I actually see that there is. If you're really concerned see an Islamic teacher or Imaam or somebody to help you with the situation in a way that it can benefit you both.
I know that many of the users won't agree with me but personally you really have nothing to complain about. There are people who would love to convert to Islam but can't. Also, going to social services is a bad in the sense that it's just a bunch of strangers meddling in your private life. Trust me, I've seen it where children have done that and they've regretted it. On top of that you're just giving your family a bad name.
But in a sense I do understand where you're coming from. Nobody should be "forced" to do anything. I personally think you should accept your faith - appreciate the fact that you're mum is trying to help you and help you become a better Muslim. You really should try and think of the good side to this and even though some users will go that there isn't and whatever, I actually see that there is. If you're really concerned see an Islamic teacher or Imaam or somebody to help you with the situation in a way that it can benefit you both.
She obviously doesn't believe in it and it sounds like you don't know what it's like to realise you don't believe in the religion you grew up with anymore. It can be hell. Oh and theres many people that want to get out of Islam and can't so maybe she should use the chance others don't get and escape - by your logic.
'and giving your family a bad name' is the kind of thing that leads to honour killings btw. Not saying you're that extreme don't get me wrong haha but it is the same logic. If you're family has mistreated you then it's them that's made a bad name for the family - not you, not the victim.
Original post by claret_n_blue
So?
What's the big deal?
Is taking out that 10 mins or whatever really going to affect you that much? Are you so busy in life that these 10 odd mins will affect your whole existence? You'd probably just be sitting watching TV instead.
I don't see why you don't just do it. If you don't believe in it, so what, there's no harm just sitting there. If it doesn't negatively affect you at all and there is a chance that it could positively affect you if the religion is correct, then why not just shut up and do it.
What's the big deal?
Is taking out that 10 mins or whatever really going to affect you that much? Are you so busy in life that these 10 odd mins will affect your whole existence? You'd probably just be sitting watching TV instead.
I don't see why you don't just do it. If you don't believe in it, so what, there's no harm just sitting there. If it doesn't negatively affect you at all and there is a chance that it could positively affect you if the religion is correct, then why not just shut up and do it.
Don't go shouting to her about something that isn't her fault in the slightest. No one would want views they don't share pushed upon them. She's even said herself when she does what she's told she still gets hit. You're not helping the situation.
I suggest that she finds a charity online, because I'm sure they'll be some on forced religion, or even just ring child line. You must talk to someone about it, talking to a school teacher would be a good thing to do.
Original post by dippers
Don't go shouting to her about something that isn't her fault in the slightest. No one would want views they don't share pushed upon them. She's even said herself when she does what she's told she still gets hit. You're not helping the situation.
I suggest that she finds a charity online, because I'm sure they'll be some on forced religion, or even just ring child line. You must talk to someone about it, talking to a school teacher would be a good thing to do.
I suggest that she finds a charity online, because I'm sure they'll be some on forced religion, or even just ring child line. You must talk to someone about it, talking to a school teacher would be a good thing to do.
She said when she was learning and she pronounced something wrong that's when she got hit. No-ones mum is stupid. She probably didn't miss-pronounce something for the first time and got hit. She would've been doing more things to annoy her mum first and then she starts acting up with the pronunciation.
In Hinduism there is a story where Ravana's brother, Kumbkharana, receives a boon from Lord Brahma, where he wants to ask for "Indraasan", the seat of Indra (lord of the gods) however accidently asks for "nindraasan", aka sleep. He is granted his wish and sleeps for 6 months at a time. Pronouncing words correctly is very important.
And who said she has to accept these views? My girlfriend makes me go to these stupid afternoon philosophy classes that she runs at her local school...doesn't mean I have to agree with the views and take on the views that people have there. It means I can go there to learn and take an interest in what she likes.
If this girl takes an interest in what her mum wants her to do she might enjoy it and find it interesting and want to learn more about it. Everyone wants to talk about themselves and I'm sure if she took an interest her mum would be happy to explain her own views, etc.
If she doesn't like it, like I said, is she really going to do something world changing in those 10 minutes. Probably not. So why not just make your mum happy and calm by doing what she asks then go and do your own thing.
I don't know much about all of this, but this is what I'd like to think I'd do.
Complain to childline or teachers at school or someone else in a position of authority, whilst just struggling through for the next two years is an option, it sends out a bad name that it's okay for parents to force children into their religion- and even worse beat them for it (wherever that be a lot or a little beating, it doesn't matter, it's absolutely wrong to do so just because of a difference in beliefs).
If you complained to someone and your mother got in trouble for it, it would show other people in your position that it's possible to get help from parents like this (assuming that they mind the forcing, of course, if they don't mind then I doubt they'd feel the need to complain), also if you have siblings it would stop them from having to go through this.
It sounds like so many people have to deal with their parents forcing religion (or maybe forcing atheism as well, I think both are equally wrong) in unorthodox ways and just deal with it because it seems the most easy option. So whilst for some people their punishment may just be spending a bit a day praying, for others it can be a lot worse, such as beatings and all sorts, surely it's best to show these people that you can stand up and fight against it? (I highly doubt childline and such would just refuse to help, especially if there's physical/mental torment).
However I understand if just staying it out for 2 years and then moving away is an option, you may not want other people involved and I do understand that this must be hard for you, despite not knowing at all what it feels like. Sorry if my opinion is all a bunch of rubbish, as I said I have no idea what this situation is like as I'm not from an Asian family and was raised without bias for or against any religions.
I wish you good luck, OP!
Complain to childline or teachers at school or someone else in a position of authority, whilst just struggling through for the next two years is an option, it sends out a bad name that it's okay for parents to force children into their religion- and even worse beat them for it (wherever that be a lot or a little beating, it doesn't matter, it's absolutely wrong to do so just because of a difference in beliefs).
If you complained to someone and your mother got in trouble for it, it would show other people in your position that it's possible to get help from parents like this (assuming that they mind the forcing, of course, if they don't mind then I doubt they'd feel the need to complain), also if you have siblings it would stop them from having to go through this.
It sounds like so many people have to deal with their parents forcing religion (or maybe forcing atheism as well, I think both are equally wrong) in unorthodox ways and just deal with it because it seems the most easy option. So whilst for some people their punishment may just be spending a bit a day praying, for others it can be a lot worse, such as beatings and all sorts, surely it's best to show these people that you can stand up and fight against it? (I highly doubt childline and such would just refuse to help, especially if there's physical/mental torment).
However I understand if just staying it out for 2 years and then moving away is an option, you may not want other people involved and I do understand that this must be hard for you, despite not knowing at all what it feels like. Sorry if my opinion is all a bunch of rubbish, as I said I have no idea what this situation is like as I'm not from an Asian family and was raised without bias for or against any religions.
I wish you good luck, OP!
Original post by claret_n_blue
She said when she was learning and she pronounced something wrong that's when she got hit. No-ones mum is stupid. She probably didn't miss-pronounce something for the first time and got hit. She would've been doing more things to annoy her mum first and then she starts acting up with the pronunciation.
In Hinduism there is a story where Ravana's brother, Kumbkharana, receives a boon from Lord Brahma, where he wants to ask for "Indraasan", the seat of Indra (lord of the gods) however accidently asks for "nindraasan", aka sleep. He is granted his wish and sleeps for 6 months at a time. Pronouncing words correctly is very important.
And who said she has to accept these views? My girlfriend makes me go to these stupid afternoon philosophy classes that she runs at her local school...doesn't mean I have to agree with the views and take on the views that people have there. It means I can go there to learn and take an interest in what she likes.
If this girl takes an interest in what her mum wants her to do she might enjoy it and find it interesting and want to learn more about it. Everyone wants to talk about themselves and I'm sure if she took an interest her mum would be happy to explain her own views, etc.
If she doesn't like it, like I said, is she really going to do something world changing in those 10 minutes. Probably not. So why not just make your mum happy and calm by doing what she asks then go and do your own thing.
In Hinduism there is a story where Ravana's brother, Kumbkharana, receives a boon from Lord Brahma, where he wants to ask for "Indraasan", the seat of Indra (lord of the gods) however accidently asks for "nindraasan", aka sleep. He is granted his wish and sleeps for 6 months at a time. Pronouncing words correctly is very important.
And who said she has to accept these views? My girlfriend makes me go to these stupid afternoon philosophy classes that she runs at her local school...doesn't mean I have to agree with the views and take on the views that people have there. It means I can go there to learn and take an interest in what she likes.
If this girl takes an interest in what her mum wants her to do she might enjoy it and find it interesting and want to learn more about it. Everyone wants to talk about themselves and I'm sure if she took an interest her mum would be happy to explain her own views, etc.
If she doesn't like it, like I said, is she really going to do something world changing in those 10 minutes. Probably not. So why not just make your mum happy and calm by doing what she asks then go and do your own thing.
I'm sure her mother has taught her many things from a Islamic prospective and she doesn't believe in them. It's not about making her mum happy it's about making herself happy. Her mums the one that is causing her unhappiness.
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Original post by Mo_maths
It's not possible to force someone to believe. This is in itself attested to in the Qur'an. Tell your mum to look up these verses. Im a muslim and frankly its not really my business if you believe or not but what your mum is doing is against the teachings of Islam and the example of the Prophet Muhammed and his pure family.
"Let there be no compulsion in (matters of) religion" - [2:256] Quran
"And say, "The truth is from your Lord, so whoever wills - let him believe; and whoever wills - let him disbelieve."" - [18:29] Quran
"[And so,] exhort them; your task is only to exhort. You can not compel them [to believe].] " - [88:21-22] Quran
I hope this helps sister and if theres anything else you need PM me.
"Let there be no compulsion in (matters of) religion" - [2:256] Quran
"And say, "The truth is from your Lord, so whoever wills - let him believe; and whoever wills - let him disbelieve."" - [18:29] Quran
"[And so,] exhort them; your task is only to exhort. You can not compel them [to believe].] " - [88:21-22] Quran
I hope this helps sister and if theres anything else you need PM me.
This.
There is nothing left to say. I have seen girls being forced to wear scarf. I have a lot of muslim friends that wear it from their own choice so there is no force in religion well as my friends told me anyway.
Praying when you don't believe with all your heart is useless. It's basically prayer in vain.
Original post by claret_n_blue
In Hinduism there is a story where Ravana's brother, Kumbkharana, receives a boon from Lord Brahma, where he wants to ask for "Indraasan", the seat of Indra (lord of the gods) however accidently asks for "nindraasan", aka sleep. He is granted his wish and sleeps for 6 months at a time. Pronouncing words correctly is very important.
.
In Hinduism there is a story where Ravana's brother, Kumbkharana, receives a boon from Lord Brahma, where he wants to ask for "Indraasan", the seat of Indra (lord of the gods) however accidently asks for "nindraasan", aka sleep. He is granted his wish and sleeps for 6 months at a time. Pronouncing words correctly is very important.
.
Great story! I've never heard it, where did you read it? I was never too sure why Kumbhkharana slept for so long.
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(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Ggmu!
Great story! I've never heard it, where did you read it? I was never too sure why Kumbhkharana slept for so long.
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I'm Hindu lol
Original post by dippers
I'm sure her mother has taught her many things from a Islamic prospective and she doesn't believe in them. It's not about making her mum happy it's about making herself happy. Her mums the one that is causing her unhappiness.
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Yeah, I'm sure sitting there for 10 mins while she "prays" is going to make her so terribly unhappy she will have depression for the rest of her life.
Original post by claret_n_blue
Yeah, I'm sure sitting there for 10 mins while she "prays" is going to make her so terribly unhappy she will have depression for the rest of her life.
But it's pretending to be something you're not. That does tend to make one unhappy. Being forced to something repetitively would be annoying especially if you didn't believe it what you were doing.
I said her mum was making her unhappy. Not the fact that she's being forced into a religion. Which in actual fact would make me unhappy too.
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(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by puregirl21
I don't even believe in the religion but I know that if I tell her she will beat me, I don't want what to do 
For starters post this in the isoc, you wont get an answer here.
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