Do you get along with your partners parents?

You say he can't do things without her consent - so what does he do, stand up for himself and then do what she tells him to do anyway?

That would drive me round the bend. Other people only have as much control over your relationship as you (or rather, your boyfriend) let them have.

eg. Why does she need to 'let' your boyfriend go on holiday, assuming he's paying for himself?

Yeah pretty much, it's the same with the rest of the family, what she says goes.

But she doesn't have control over our relationship, if she did then we wouldn't have lasted because I wouldn't stand for it. It's more about him and what he does that she controls or tries to.

She's a big worrier when it comes to money, I've never seen anyone stress so much about it. She worries what he's spending and how much he's spending. So a holiday would be seen as a big expense, especially since he only works weekends. She doesn't see past the cost, which makes me feel sorry for her.

I think this is what is is making us so amazed.

If my mother told me not to on holiday, I'd still go. And I would have done aged 19 too. And that wouldn't change even if the rest of my siblings fell in line.

The whole "there's no telling her" is still predicated on the idea that ultimately she has to sanction everything. If she's bankrolling the holiday, then she does exercise the power of the veto. Under those circumstances he ought to get part-time work so he can pay for it himself. And then she has no scope to stop anything.

I wonder if part of the problem here is that nobody ever stands up to this woman so she just assumes she's going to get her way. Perhaps the next time she 'forbids' him doing something he should try saying, "I'm an adult, and I'm doing it anyway". Maybe she would actually respect a bit of gumption amongst her offspring rather than sheep-like compliance.

Personally, I couldn't respect a partner who was this under the thumb of their mother. If you can then good luck to you but I think a reckoning will eventually have to occur and it might as well be soon.

Actually I respect him more for putting up with it all. He's not under the thumb of his mum, he can still do what he wants, she's just never happy with whatever decision he makes.

These two statements are contradictory. Why did she need persuading to allow a grown man to go on holiday? You should have notified her about the holiday not asked permission. It's things like this which demonstrate that he's being walked all over. Even if he argues back, he's still ultimately not prepared to do things without her final approval.

Which I personally think is unhealthy. And at some level you do too otherwise you wouldn't have started the thread by asking whether this is kind of thing is normal. Yet when you're advised it's not normal and actually slightly troubling, you get defensive! However, I don't think we're going to agree on this point so I won't go on about it any more. If you and him are happy with it, then who cares what I think?

I was just curious. I've been with my partner for 4 years and his parents are nice towards me but constantly complain about my boyfriend.

His mum has been a bit of a handful when it comes to things that cost money, for example, it had taken 4 months of persuasion to allow her 19 year old son to go on holiday. Then we must have shown her about 20 different locations, because we weren't allowed to book anything without her consent :/

And not just money either, she always says to him infront of me that he needs to lose weight, or that his room is a tip, he never does anything around the house, and won't let him take out a student loan which he needs for his course.

But they are nice to me haha anyone else have stories similar?

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I can totally sympathise, me and my partner are unfortunately having to live with his parents as we cant afford our own place (we're in our 30s) we both get along with them but they have a terrible habit of telling us what to do and treating us like children, esp his mother who will throw our things out if they're not to her taste, drives us mental!


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I get on well with my boyfriend's mum and his sister. His grandparents even buy me Easter eggs

His dad died before we got together but from what I've heard he was absolutely lovely.

I get on well with my girlfriend's mum. She is a nice person that is easy to get on with anyway.

Her dad on the other hand, she hates him for a myriad of reasons most of it with no rationale behind it. I do get on well with him though since I have no issues with him and for the most part I think he is a decent person.

My parents have no idea I'm seeing someone