Is this a reasonable uni life for a 20 year old??

Not that simple, 19 year olds don't respond to discipline like 8 year olds. What would you suggest?

That would make things worse as tempting as it is

You all sound like a bunch of pushovers, hence the reason why your sister has morphed into the way that she is.

I have an older sibling who sounds similar. A stubborn, selfish, entitled waste of space who thinks parents are obligated to do ridiculous things for their kids for life because they chose to give birth to them.

My Uni is 3 hours from home and if I asked my parents to give me a lift everyday, they'd be laughing for weeks.

She cant have it both ways. She should either move out, or commute. And when I say commute, I mean she should spend her own money and endure the boring 3 hour train or bus ride to University.

It might make her behaviour worse in the short term, but in the long term, if she's shown she can't just get whatever she wants by throwing a tantrum, she'll have to learn and grow up one way or another.

It's a lot deeper than just a tantrum, and not just a matter of discipline


Posted from TSR Mobile

Pushovers? My father is extremely strict but he has to work abroad and he deals with it when he visits. My sister sent me to hospital once after assaulting me so we don't speak anymore. That was after defending myself so there's only so far you can go without committing a crime. All down to my mum who has a billion other things to deal with and is trying her best. That's why I'm asking on here

It takes two seconds for someone to remind their daughter that when they live under their roof, the parents expect respect and and pleasantry for reasons that she be obvious (You know, with the whole giving them life and all).

If not, you kick them out. She's almost 20, not 10.

It's hard to live as a young person nowadays in terms of financing yourself etc. Regardless, your mum didn't make society that way. Your sister should therefore be extra appreciate of the fact that shes got a roof over her head and a mum who does as much as she can for her.

Get your mother to drive near the train station, say the cars broken down, hop on the train and get her there!!

She obviously has issues and maybe a talk with her GP is needed as she seems to have depressive/ anxiety/ self-esteem issues which need sorting out now if she is to be successful at uni. Getting her to try and stay in uni halls would also help as 3 hrs commute is ridiculous and your mum or someone could offer to take some time off work and stay with her for the first week or two in halls to help her settle. There's loads of help at uni available like mentors and things for people to gain confidence in gaining friends and organizing their workload etc so maybe helping her research whats available at the uni she may be going to would be beneficial? Being understanding and not giving in to arguments would help to get her to eventually calm down and take things seriously.

If violence is involved then you need to consider police action.

Have you considered the possibility that your sisters behaviours could be down to mental health problems. There are some disorders where rages are common and if she isn't motivated to do anything with her life there could be something in that too.

Are you sure it's not your parents/father who's demanding she stays at home, given their attitude to you leaving for halls?

Yeah of course but we can't do anything about that if she's not willing to help herself. Physically she would not attend any sessions and if someone came over she would have a fit and get rid of them

Yeah, I understand that very well, but its also another reason to not let her get her way all the time, try to get her to think about what she's doing and learn she cannot get everything she wants by flipping out. Doing so isn't helping her and you need to convince your mum of that. If not things will most likely just keep spiralling

The thing is, I don't really know what other advice we can give than stand up to her and not give in to her... you seem to be dismissing every piece of advice people are giving you. Clearly, something needs to change, and someone needs to put those changes in place and since she's not going to do it, its up to you and your family.

My older sister who is 19 now will be 20 when she starts uni. She's stubborn, selfish,aggressive and is ruining the family but refuses to stay away from home for uni. She is demanding my mother to drive her every day to uni which is 3 hours away and refuses to stay in dorms/ share a flat with other people. She'll just become more antisocial and bitter and we're all worried about her but there's no way she won't end up getting what she wants because she bullies my parents into it. I don't know what to do, isn't it an insane request?


Posted from TSR Mobile

Yeah, I understand that very well, but its also another reason to not let her get her way all the time, try to get her to think about what she's doing and learn she cannot get everything she wants by flipping out. Doing so isn't helping her and you need to convince your mum of that. If not things will most likely just keep spiralling

The thing is, I don't really know what other advice we can give than stand up to her and not give in to her... you seem to be dismissing every piece of advice people are giving you. Clearly, something needs to change, and someone needs to put those changes in place and since she's not going to do it, its up to you and your family.