Am I Asexual
Hi!
Recently my boyfriend of over a year told me that he'd "never heard of anyone who took so long to have sex" and this got me questioning my sexuality and whether I am asexual.
I am 18, have been with my boyfriend for over a year and I have never had sex; I am completely indifferent to sex and my feelings towards sex are more negative rather than positive. I have never suffered from a crush. In terms of men, I can see what makes men attractive and I can see which men are attractive but I don't go on to develop any sorts of feelings for these men. I have never fantasized about men (or anyone) in any way and every relationship I have been in, I have gotten with them because of their personality instead of their looks. Although my boyfriend and I have done some foreplay things I never really enjoy it that much or look forward to it like he does (don't get me wrong, he is very good at it and it does give me some pleasure but despite the pleasure I still don't exactly find it exciting)
If I am not asexual then why am I feeling like this? But
If I am asexual what does this mean for my relationship? Because the thought of having sex completely repulses me but I don't want to make him wait anymore because I feel guilty.
Please no trolls this is a genuine concern.
Thank you in advance
Recently my boyfriend of over a year told me that he'd "never heard of anyone who took so long to have sex" and this got me questioning my sexuality and whether I am asexual.
I am 18, have been with my boyfriend for over a year and I have never had sex; I am completely indifferent to sex and my feelings towards sex are more negative rather than positive. I have never suffered from a crush. In terms of men, I can see what makes men attractive and I can see which men are attractive but I don't go on to develop any sorts of feelings for these men. I have never fantasized about men (or anyone) in any way and every relationship I have been in, I have gotten with them because of their personality instead of their looks. Although my boyfriend and I have done some foreplay things I never really enjoy it that much or look forward to it like he does (don't get me wrong, he is very good at it and it does give me some pleasure but despite the pleasure I still don't exactly find it exciting)
If I am not asexual then why am I feeling like this? But
If I am asexual what does this mean for my relationship? Because the thought of having sex completely repulses me but I don't want to make him wait anymore because I feel guilty.
Please no trolls this is a genuine concern.
Thank you in advance
You genuinely sound like one of my closest friends... Hmm I wonder?
If you've never fantasised about men at all and the thought of sex repulsed you, then it sounds to me like you are asexual. I'd take the judgements of a few more people first, but you yourself will know the answer, you may just not want to admit it to yourself.
If you're not asexual then I assume there may have been an awkward younger situation with sexual relations. If not then honestly I don't know. Feel free to PM me if you want to explain your situation a little more.
If you are asexual then you will have to talk to your boyfriend about it, but I don't see it being a good conversation. Even the most understanding of partners will have trouble with it.
If you've never fantasised about men at all and the thought of sex repulsed you, then it sounds to me like you are asexual. I'd take the judgements of a few more people first, but you yourself will know the answer, you may just not want to admit it to yourself.
If you're not asexual then I assume there may have been an awkward younger situation with sexual relations. If not then honestly I don't know. Feel free to PM me if you want to explain your situation a little more.
If you are asexual then you will have to talk to your boyfriend about it, but I don't see it being a good conversation. Even the most understanding of partners will have trouble with it.
First and foremost - if you aren't ready for sex, or if you don't want sex, you do not have to have it.
It's difficult when your partner wants it and you don't, but don't feel obligated to go through with anything you're uncomfortable with. From the way you described him saying he's "never heard of anyone who took so long to have sex" makes your partner sound as if he sees sex as the pinnacle of your relationship, and it's really important that you convince him otherwise. It's totally normal to not be excited about sex, this may mean that you're asexual or that you're just not ready for that sort of thing just yet, and when you're older you might think differently. Either way, it's vital that your partner understands your feelings about sex and knows that you aren't comfortable with the idea, and more importantly, he needs to know that sex isn't the only reason you're together (romantic attraction is super important!) Any good boyfriend will understand.
But yeah, I don't know if I stressed the first point enough, but never feel guilty about not having sex. You are totally entitled to doing whatever you want with your body. c:
It's difficult when your partner wants it and you don't, but don't feel obligated to go through with anything you're uncomfortable with. From the way you described him saying he's "never heard of anyone who took so long to have sex" makes your partner sound as if he sees sex as the pinnacle of your relationship, and it's really important that you convince him otherwise. It's totally normal to not be excited about sex, this may mean that you're asexual or that you're just not ready for that sort of thing just yet, and when you're older you might think differently. Either way, it's vital that your partner understands your feelings about sex and knows that you aren't comfortable with the idea, and more importantly, he needs to know that sex isn't the only reason you're together (romantic attraction is super important!) Any good boyfriend will understand.
But yeah, I don't know if I stressed the first point enough, but never feel guilty about not having sex. You are totally entitled to doing whatever you want with your body. c:
I am just a bit scared because (no offence to anyone on here) but I don't want to be asexual; I don't want to be anyway out of the normal and it scares me that I might not be heterosexual.
Every step me and my boyfriend have taken in terms of foreplay things, he always initiates and I always just "go along with it" because I feel guilty for making him wait so much. With every step we've taken he started on me and then he's had to wait months and months until I finally have the courage to reciprocate (up to 7 months in some cases). Every time we do things I absolutely dread it because I hate it. But I give him my consent because as mentioned above I always feel guilty about not going all the way etc.
I'm scared to have this convosation with him because genuinely sex just doesn't appeal to me at all and it scares me so much. I just don't really know what to say to him
Every step me and my boyfriend have taken in terms of foreplay things, he always initiates and I always just "go along with it" because I feel guilty for making him wait so much. With every step we've taken he started on me and then he's had to wait months and months until I finally have the courage to reciprocate (up to 7 months in some cases). Every time we do things I absolutely dread it because I hate it. But I give him my consent because as mentioned above I always feel guilty about not going all the way etc.
I'm scared to have this convosation with him because genuinely sex just doesn't appeal to me at all and it scares me so much. I just don't really know what to say to him
I really sympathise with you here, I'm sorry.
I know the conversation with him may scare you, but would you rather carry on in a relationship where he wants something you can't offer?
If you consent because you feel guilty then you're not really fully committed into the relationship, I hope that doesn't sound too offensive. I don't intend to upset, I'm just trying to be honest.
The only realistic thing I can see happening is you talking to him. That's your decision to make though. If you do just be honest with him and tell him that sex scares you, you could have deep underlying insecurities that you can travel through together.
I know the conversation with him may scare you, but would you rather carry on in a relationship where he wants something you can't offer?
If you consent because you feel guilty then you're not really fully committed into the relationship, I hope that doesn't sound too offensive. I don't intend to upset, I'm just trying to be honest.
The only realistic thing I can see happening is you talking to him. That's your decision to make though. If you do just be honest with him and tell him that sex scares you, you could have deep underlying insecurities that you can travel through together.
I don't think you are asexual. Maybe you just haven't met the right person to really get your hormones going. Or maybe you like girls instead? Have you every watched porn? You could try and see if your body has any reactions to it?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Hi!
Recently my boyfriend of over a year told me that he'd "never heard of anyone who took so long to have sex" and this got me questioning my sexuality and whether I am asexual.
I am 18, have been with my boyfriend for over a year and I have never had sex; I am completely indifferent to sex and my feelings towards sex are more negative rather than positive. I have never suffered from a crush. In terms of men, I can see what makes men attractive and I can see which men are attractive but I don't go on to develop any sorts of feelings for these men. I have never fantasized about men (or anyone) in any way and every relationship I have been in, I have gotten with them because of their personality instead of their looks. Although my boyfriend and I have done some foreplay things I never really enjoy it that much or look forward to it like he does (don't get me wrong, he is very good at it and it does give me some pleasure but despite the pleasure I still don't exactly find it exciting)
If I am not asexual then why am I feeling like this? But
If I am asexual what does this mean for my relationship? Because the thought of having sex completely repulses me but I don't want to make him wait anymore because I feel guilty.
Please no trolls this is a genuine concern.
Thank you in advance
Recently my boyfriend of over a year told me that he'd "never heard of anyone who took so long to have sex" and this got me questioning my sexuality and whether I am asexual.
I am 18, have been with my boyfriend for over a year and I have never had sex; I am completely indifferent to sex and my feelings towards sex are more negative rather than positive. I have never suffered from a crush. In terms of men, I can see what makes men attractive and I can see which men are attractive but I don't go on to develop any sorts of feelings for these men. I have never fantasized about men (or anyone) in any way and every relationship I have been in, I have gotten with them because of their personality instead of their looks. Although my boyfriend and I have done some foreplay things I never really enjoy it that much or look forward to it like he does (don't get me wrong, he is very good at it and it does give me some pleasure but despite the pleasure I still don't exactly find it exciting)
If I am not asexual then why am I feeling like this? But
If I am asexual what does this mean for my relationship? Because the thought of having sex completely repulses me but I don't want to make him wait anymore because I feel guilty.
Please no trolls this is a genuine concern.
Thank you in advance
Asexual and aromantic, by the sound of things. Congratulations: you're now free to live your life however you please.
Original post by Anonymous
I am completely indifferent to sex and my feelings towards sex are more negative rather than positive. I have never suffered from a crush. In terms of men, I can see what makes men attractive and I can see which men are attractive but I don't go on to develop any sorts of feelings for these men. I have never fantasized about men (or anyone) in any way
I think you've answered your own question here. As to the second set of questions, maybe you need to reach out to an asexual support group? I don't think a student forum where most people will not have experienced what you're going through is necessarily the best place to help.
I didn't think that being repulsed by and scared of sex were part of being asexual...? Sounds like something psychological to me, OP.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Hi!
Recently my boyfriend of over a year told me that he'd "never heard of anyone who took so long to have sex" and this got me questioning my sexuality and whether I am asexual.
I am 18, have been with my boyfriend for over a year and I have never had sex; I am completely indifferent to sex and my feelings towards sex are more negative rather than positive. I have never suffered from a crush. In terms of men, I can see what makes men attractive and I can see which men are attractive but I don't go on to develop any sorts of feelings for these men. I have never fantasized about men (or anyone) in any way and every relationship I have been in, I have gotten with them because of their personality instead of their looks. Although my boyfriend and I have done some foreplay things I never really enjoy it that much or look forward to it like he does (don't get me wrong, he is very good at it and it does give me some pleasure but despite the pleasure I still don't exactly find it exciting)
If I am not asexual then why am I feeling like this? But
If I am asexual what does this mean for my relationship? Because the thought of having sex completely repulses me but I don't want to make him wait anymore because I feel guilty.
Please no trolls this is a genuine concern.
Thank you in advance
Recently my boyfriend of over a year told me that he'd "never heard of anyone who took so long to have sex" and this got me questioning my sexuality and whether I am asexual.
I am 18, have been with my boyfriend for over a year and I have never had sex; I am completely indifferent to sex and my feelings towards sex are more negative rather than positive. I have never suffered from a crush. In terms of men, I can see what makes men attractive and I can see which men are attractive but I don't go on to develop any sorts of feelings for these men. I have never fantasized about men (or anyone) in any way and every relationship I have been in, I have gotten with them because of their personality instead of their looks. Although my boyfriend and I have done some foreplay things I never really enjoy it that much or look forward to it like he does (don't get me wrong, he is very good at it and it does give me some pleasure but despite the pleasure I still don't exactly find it exciting)
If I am not asexual then why am I feeling like this? But
If I am asexual what does this mean for my relationship? Because the thought of having sex completely repulses me but I don't want to make him wait anymore because I feel guilty.
Please no trolls this is a genuine concern.
Thank you in advance
It does sound like you're asexual. There's a lot of disinformation out there, which is often why people don't think the label applies to them. In your case, you can still want a romantic relationship without a sexual one - that would be a heteroromantic asexual (in the case you only want a romantic relationship with men).
Plenty of asexuals have perfectly normal lives, and many are in relationships with sexual people (depending on if they are disinterested in sex or actively dislike it).
There could be a lot of things happening here. If I were the OP, I'd make arrangements to see a counsellor. Her feelings about sex may be due to anxiety (possible trauma) than indifference. The fact that she doesn't want to be asexual tells us something.
One thing is for sure: slapping a one-word label on yourself doesn't make life clearer, it doesn't resolve questions, and it doesn't help with interpersonal problems. When it comes to thinking about who we are and why we are, that needs as many words as possible.
One thing is for sure: slapping a one-word label on yourself doesn't make life clearer, it doesn't resolve questions, and it doesn't help with interpersonal problems. When it comes to thinking about who we are and why we are, that needs as many words as possible.
Original post by Lotus_Eater
The fact that she doesn't want to be asexual tells us something.
Just because someone doesn't want to be something doesn't mean they aren't it.
yeah, you're asexual.
Hey I completely relate except I'm in no relationship and I haven't exactly come out to people yet....not really an issue though. But hey if I were in your position...I'd probably let him know how you feel since imo communication is crucial Given that, you should ask yourself how much you care about being in this relationship and how much you care about the person....maybe you'll find someone else like yourself or be free like me 
haha
Given that, you should ask yourself how much you care about being in this relationship and how much you care about the person....maybe you'll find someone else like yourself or be free like me hahamaybe your asexual, maybe you havent met the right person, or maybe you have akink you dont know about - this is pesuming you havent had a traumatic experience that could be affecting this - i suggest reading smut books. you can find ones on all types of kink and read it on an ereader if youre scared it will give your bf ideas. even if you dont find something that turns you on, you can start to rule things out, then i would suggest going to get your hormone levels checked.
oh, and if he pressures you to go all the way before youre ready, im sorry, but hes obviously not in your relationship for the right reasons. sex is (or should be) just a bonus
oh, and if he pressures you to go all the way before youre ready, im sorry, but hes obviously not in your relationship for the right reasons. sex is (or should be) just a bonus
Hey..our stories are a little similar .. the bf part at least....
Am 22 year old girl. I have been masturbating from a very young age. I masturbate by humping against the pillow/bed or via clitoral stimulation. I watch making out videos straight ir even lesbian videos while masturbating. I have even had experience of making out with a girl when inwas younger,around 10yrs back.Despite all this,i identify myself as straight. I am attracted to boys and i have had crushes on boys. I have never been attracted to girls. I was in a year long relationship recently. I used to make out a lot with my bf..and i used to love it. However, he wanted to have sex and i just wasnt ready.. Even though i loved the making out part.. i never got around to actually having intercourse. Am neither against premarital sex nor i am scared about the penis entering my vagina. He even tried fingering me and giving me oral pleasure, but i dint get turned on as much as we thought i would. I coudnt figure out why i wasnt ready for sex.We broke up a while back because things wernt working out. But i am still confused as to why is dint want to have sex even thought i liked the foreplay? Is it normal to get turned on by lesbian videos ? Or am i one too? Why am i not ready for sex? Why doesnt fingering or oral give me pleasure? Even am trying to figure it all out.. please lemt me know if you find out anything
Am 22 year old girl. I have been masturbating from a very young age. I masturbate by humping against the pillow/bed or via clitoral stimulation. I watch making out videos straight ir even lesbian videos while masturbating. I have even had experience of making out with a girl when inwas younger,around 10yrs back.Despite all this,i identify myself as straight. I am attracted to boys and i have had crushes on boys. I have never been attracted to girls. I was in a year long relationship recently. I used to make out a lot with my bf..and i used to love it. However, he wanted to have sex and i just wasnt ready.. Even though i loved the making out part.. i never got around to actually having intercourse. Am neither against premarital sex nor i am scared about the penis entering my vagina. He even tried fingering me and giving me oral pleasure, but i dint get turned on as much as we thought i would. I coudnt figure out why i wasnt ready for sex.We broke up a while back because things wernt working out. But i am still confused as to why is dint want to have sex even thought i liked the foreplay? Is it normal to get turned on by lesbian videos ? Or am i one too? Why am i not ready for sex? Why doesnt fingering or oral give me pleasure? Even am trying to figure it all out.. please lemt me know if you find out anything
Original post by Confusedgirl21
Hey..our stories are a little similar .. the bf part at least....
Am 22 year old girl. I have been masturbating from a very young age. I masturbate by humping against the pillow/bed or via clitoral stimulation. I watch making out videos straight ir even lesbian videos while masturbating. I have even had experience of making out with a girl when inwas younger,around 10yrs back.Despite all this,i identify myself as straight. I am attracted to boys and i have had crushes on boys. I have never been attracted to girls. I was in a year long relationship recently. I used to make out a lot with my bf..and i used to love it. However, he wanted to have sex and i just wasnt ready.. Even though i loved the making out part.. i never got around to actually having intercourse. Am neither against premarital sex nor i am scared about the penis entering my vagina. He even tried fingering me and giving me oral pleasure, but i dint get turned on as much as we thought i would. I coudnt figure out why i wasnt ready for sex.We broke up a while back because things wernt working out. But i am still confused as to why is dint want to have sex even thought i liked the foreplay? Is it normal to get turned on by lesbian videos ? Or am i one too? Why am i not ready for sex? Why doesnt fingering or oral give me pleasure? Even am trying to figure it all out.. please lemt me know if you find out anything
Am 22 year old girl. I have been masturbating from a very young age. I masturbate by humping against the pillow/bed or via clitoral stimulation. I watch making out videos straight ir even lesbian videos while masturbating. I have even had experience of making out with a girl when inwas younger,around 10yrs back.Despite all this,i identify myself as straight. I am attracted to boys and i have had crushes on boys. I have never been attracted to girls. I was in a year long relationship recently. I used to make out a lot with my bf..and i used to love it. However, he wanted to have sex and i just wasnt ready.. Even though i loved the making out part.. i never got around to actually having intercourse. Am neither against premarital sex nor i am scared about the penis entering my vagina. He even tried fingering me and giving me oral pleasure, but i dint get turned on as much as we thought i would. I coudnt figure out why i wasnt ready for sex.We broke up a while back because things wernt working out. But i am still confused as to why is dint want to have sex even thought i liked the foreplay? Is it normal to get turned on by lesbian videos ? Or am i one too? Why am i not ready for sex? Why doesnt fingering or oral give me pleasure? Even am trying to figure it all out.. please lemt me know if you find out anything
Hey, I've been mastubating (on a side note I literally mastubate the same way as you
)since I was a young girl and get off on BDSM fanfics (usually gay males- even though I'm a girl??) and I have no clue what's wrong with me. Oh, and I'm also grossed out 100% by porn and felt really uncomfortable seeing once a photo of a man naked. I'm probably demisexual or asexual as I don't feel attracted to guys or girls and I seriously cannot tell what makes guys "hot" or "good-looking" I think I'd love foreplay too (very much a virgin and never had a boyfriend) but I don't think I'd really enjoy sex? Honestly I'd rather mastubate or use toys than have penetrative sex with someone...
I guess what I'm trying to say is nothing is really normal when it comes to sexual activity- I think you can be straight and watch lesbian porn. The fantasies in your head may be better represented by lesbian sex (for example, I find straight sexual fanfics uncomfortable to read about as I visualise the portrayal of women as weak and slutty, whereas in gay ones I find the male submission so much hotter)
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- To me sex is not necessary? People tend to say am not normal
- biology
- how do i cope with being a virgin for my whole life
- Please help me, I’m reluctant to have intimacy
- Does EVERYONE get horny?
- Ladies, would you date a guy who has vitiligo
- I don't like sex at all, but these fetishes have been out of control.
- Christian society
- Is anyone else like this or have experienced this typa feeing
- Sexual anhedonia
- Why am I like this? What is it Called?
- What if I never want to be sexually intimate with someone?
- Is it normal for a girl to masturbate twice a day?
- Features of organisms
- Where do I belong?. Am I asexual?
- I like everyone and everything. Is this weird
- Bio igcse edexcel 2023
- Am I gay
- Edexcel GCSE Biology Paper 1 Higher Tier [16th May 2023] Exam Chat
- Queerness & University
Latest
Trending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 4 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 4 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
