Being Transgender in the workplace
Hi all. Im not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I couldnt find anywhere else
First of all, let me tell you my situation.
I', biologically female, but I identify as male. I'm a student elsewhere in the country, and there I can be myself thoroughly. My friends use male pronouns, call me by my male name and I am just one of the lads. And it's great. But here, I'm still seen as a girl. I haven't told my parents about me, because I know they'd be devastated, so I have to put on this mask that I'm just a tomboy. But this mask has to come into the workplace to. Because both of my parents work there, just in different departments. This has never really been too much of an issue because I'm usually in a male costume anyway. But soon, we will be required to wear our name badges as well.
And, of course, I'll have to wear my female name. And I see it as a badge of shame. Visitors will see right through me. And instantly see that I'm female.
My query is, do I tell the workplace about my situation? Will I be being difficult? Will they get annoyed, or think I'm being silly or weird? How quickly will it slip out to my parents? The whole thought process is giving me crippling social anxiety. I went through 6 weeks of counselling back at uni to accept myself. But I feel it will all get thrown back in my face at work.
What should I do?
First of all, let me tell you my situation.
I', biologically female, but I identify as male. I'm a student elsewhere in the country, and there I can be myself thoroughly. My friends use male pronouns, call me by my male name and I am just one of the lads. And it's great. But here, I'm still seen as a girl. I haven't told my parents about me, because I know they'd be devastated, so I have to put on this mask that I'm just a tomboy. But this mask has to come into the workplace to. Because both of my parents work there, just in different departments. This has never really been too much of an issue because I'm usually in a male costume anyway. But soon, we will be required to wear our name badges as well.
And, of course, I'll have to wear my female name. And I see it as a badge of shame. Visitors will see right through me. And instantly see that I'm female. My query is, do I tell the workplace about my situation? Will I be being difficult? Will they get annoyed, or think I'm being silly or weird? How quickly will it slip out to my parents? The whole thought process is giving me crippling social anxiety. I went through 6 weeks of counselling back at uni to accept myself. But I feel it will all get thrown back in my face at work.
What should I do?
As far as the workplace goes, there are equality laws to protect you and assuming this does not impact on your work, then it shouldn't really be an issue, though I'm unsure of the full procedure.
the following links may be of some help to you
http://www.pcs.org.uk/en/equality/guidance-and-resources/lgbt_equality_toolkit/trans_rights_in_the_workplace.cfm
This one is aimed more towards employers - but it might be something worth printing and taking to them
http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/private-and-public-sector-guidance/guidance-for-all/pre-equality-act-guidance/guidance-for-employers-pre-october-10/guidance-on-recruiting-and-supporting-trans-people
depending on where you work, there may be an equalities officer you can contact. It depends if its a big company or not though.
The other concern is both that coming out at work may mean your parents finding out, and also the fact that you feel you can't tell your parents yet. You say they'll be devastated, which is a possibility I admit, but isn't not telling them also preventing you from moving forward in your gender transition (assuming thats what you want)
the following links may be of some help to you
http://www.pcs.org.uk/en/equality/guidance-and-resources/lgbt_equality_toolkit/trans_rights_in_the_workplace.cfm
This one is aimed more towards employers - but it might be something worth printing and taking to them
http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/private-and-public-sector-guidance/guidance-for-all/pre-equality-act-guidance/guidance-for-employers-pre-october-10/guidance-on-recruiting-and-supporting-trans-people
depending on where you work, there may be an equalities officer you can contact. It depends if its a big company or not though.
The other concern is both that coming out at work may mean your parents finding out, and also the fact that you feel you can't tell your parents yet. You say they'll be devastated, which is a possibility I admit, but isn't not telling them also preventing you from moving forward in your gender transition (assuming thats what you want)
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all. Im not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I couldnt find anywhere else
First of all, let me tell you my situation.
I', biologically female, but I identify as male. I'm a student elsewhere in the country, and there I can be myself thoroughly. My friends use male pronouns, call me by my male name and I am just one of the lads. And it's great. But here, I'm still seen as a girl. I haven't told my parents about me, because I know they'd be devastated, so I have to put on this mask that I'm just a tomboy. But this mask has to come into the workplace to. Because both of my parents work there, just in different departments. This has never really been too much of an issue because I'm usually in a male costume anyway. But soon, we will be required to wear our name badges as well. And, of course, I'll have to wear my female name. And I see it as a badge of shame. Visitors will see right through me. And instantly see that I'm female.
My query is, do I tell the workplace about my situation? Will I be being difficult? Will they get annoyed, or think I'm being silly or weird? How quickly will it slip out to my parents? The whole thought process is giving me crippling social anxiety. I went through 6 weeks of counselling back at uni to accept myself. But I feel it will all get thrown back in my face at work.
What should I do?
First of all, let me tell you my situation.
I', biologically female, but I identify as male. I'm a student elsewhere in the country, and there I can be myself thoroughly. My friends use male pronouns, call me by my male name and I am just one of the lads. And it's great. But here, I'm still seen as a girl. I haven't told my parents about me, because I know they'd be devastated, so I have to put on this mask that I'm just a tomboy. But this mask has to come into the workplace to. Because both of my parents work there, just in different departments. This has never really been too much of an issue because I'm usually in a male costume anyway. But soon, we will be required to wear our name badges as well.
And, of course, I'll have to wear my female name. And I see it as a badge of shame. Visitors will see right through me. And instantly see that I'm female. My query is, do I tell the workplace about my situation? Will I be being difficult? Will they get annoyed, or think I'm being silly or weird? How quickly will it slip out to my parents? The whole thought process is giving me crippling social anxiety. I went through 6 weeks of counselling back at uni to accept myself. But I feel it will all get thrown back in my face at work.
What should I do?
I'm female to male also.
I'll tell you now - your parents will find out eventually regardless of you working together or not because there's only so long you can live 'two lives' without it crossing over.
They won't think you're silly etc, it won't be (or shouldn't be) difficult, you can simply ask for a new name on the name badge as a 'nickname' if you don't want the female one on it.
I'm having to live two lives as my mates know me as male and my mother doesn't..when I move out I'll be informing my workplace so that they change the name tag (I know what you mean about the badge of shame) it ruins everything.
I know it may be hard but honestly, having to present as two different people just to please others takes its toll and that is very evident by you getting anxiety! I get extra anxious before work every single time just because the thought of having to be 'female' around others is not only exhausting and draining but it hurts.
Either come out to everyone
or
Ask for a nickname at work if you're not ready to let your parents know.
Otherwise the pain will only get worse (I know exactly how you feel). I've reached breaking point now with this whole female name tag thing I always position myself in a way that no one can really see it unless they go out of their way XD It's sad...but don't want to come out to my current store.
No pressure at all, but the way I see it, for me personally the sooner I come out to my mother is the sooner it will get better (hopefully). When I came out as 'lesbian' to her she didn't care and I sat there wishing I had done it a lot sooner.
Good Luck
Original post by Anonymous
I'm female to male also.
I'll tell you now - your parents will find out eventually regardless of you working together or not because there's only so long you can live 'two lives' without it crossing over.
They won't think you're silly etc, it won't be (or shouldn't be) difficult, you can simply ask for a new name on the name badge as a 'nickname' if you don't want the female one on it.
I'm having to live two lives as my mates know me as male and my mother doesn't..when I move out I'll be informing my workplace so that they change the name tag (I know what you mean about the badge of shame) it ruins everything.
I know it may be hard but honestly, having to present as two different people just to please others takes its toll and that is very evident by you getting anxiety! I get extra anxious before work every single time just because the thought of having to be 'female' around others is not only exhausting and draining but it hurts.
Either come out to everyone
or
Ask for a nickname at work if you're not ready to let your parents know.
Otherwise the pain will only get worse (I know exactly how you feel). I've reached breaking point now with this whole female name tag thing I always position myself in a way that no one can really see it unless they go out of their way XD It's sad...but don't want to come out to my current store.
No pressure at all, but the way I see it, for me personally the sooner I come out to my mother is the sooner it will get better (hopefully). When I came out as 'lesbian' to her she didn't care and I sat there wishing I had done it a lot sooner.
Good Luck
I'll tell you now - your parents will find out eventually regardless of you working together or not because there's only so long you can live 'two lives' without it crossing over.
They won't think you're silly etc, it won't be (or shouldn't be) difficult, you can simply ask for a new name on the name badge as a 'nickname' if you don't want the female one on it.
I'm having to live two lives as my mates know me as male and my mother doesn't..when I move out I'll be informing my workplace so that they change the name tag (I know what you mean about the badge of shame) it ruins everything.
I know it may be hard but honestly, having to present as two different people just to please others takes its toll and that is very evident by you getting anxiety! I get extra anxious before work every single time just because the thought of having to be 'female' around others is not only exhausting and draining but it hurts.
Either come out to everyone
or
Ask for a nickname at work if you're not ready to let your parents know.
Otherwise the pain will only get worse (I know exactly how you feel). I've reached breaking point now with this whole female name tag thing I always position myself in a way that no one can really see it unless they go out of their way XD It's sad...but don't want to come out to my current store.
No pressure at all, but the way I see it, for me personally the sooner I come out to my mother is the sooner it will get better (hopefully). When I came out as 'lesbian' to her she didn't care and I sat there wishing I had done it a lot sooner.
Good Luck
Wow, you're response mirrors my life almost perfectly. My job also entitles me to work in character and over the summer we are doing a WW1 commerative event with soldiers and nurses. Obviously, I was drawn to the soldier, but have been told I can't because it needs to be "authentic". I'm actually scared if they try to get me to be a nurse in a dress, I'll feel like im in drag.
I can't respond from a personal point of view, but I'd advise that if you do anything at work that could "give the game away" you talk to your parents about everything first. I'm sure it would go down as best it can from you directly.
Hope everything goes ok!
Hope everything goes ok!
Original post by Anonymous
Wow, you're response mirrors my life almost perfectly. My job also entitles me to work in character and over the summer we are doing a WW1 commerative event with soldiers and nurses. Obviously, I was drawn to the soldier, but have been told I can't because it needs to be "authentic". I'm actually scared if they try to get me to be a nurse in a dress, I'll feel like im in drag.
If my workplace ever did that I'd point blank refuse! I just couldn't do it. I remember going to my interview in a 'female suit' and I nearly died! I ran there and ran straight back again, I only did it because it was short notice and I had nothing else to wear. We have those own clothes days...but it's never when I'm in anyway...it hasn't been themed as yet - thank god!
I know what you mean but to be fair it is pretty uncomfortable and when you're (people in general) uncomfortable it just ruins everything because it's constantly on your mind. The worst thing is thinking does this make me look too feminine, does it make 'certain' areas more pronounced etc.
It's just so exhausting! Wait a minute 'authentic' why can't you go how you wish to go? Honestly, if it will cause you pain and misery find a way out of it. Things like that just add to my anxiety!
Original post by Anonymous
If my workplace ever did that I'd point blank refuse! I just couldn't do it. I remember going to my interview in a 'female suit' and I nearly died! I ran there and ran straight back again, I only did it because it was short notice and I had nothing else to wear. We have those own clothes days...but it's never when I'm in anyway...it hasn't been themed as yet - thank god!
I know what you mean but to be fair it is pretty uncomfortable and when you're (people in general) uncomfortable it just ruins everything because it's constantly on your mind. The worst thing is thinking does this make me look too feminine, does it make 'certain' areas more pronounced etc.
It's just so exhausting! Wait a minute 'authentic' why can't you go how you wish to go? Honestly, if it will cause you pain and misery find a way out of it. Things like that just add to my anxiety!
I know what you mean but to be fair it is pretty uncomfortable and when you're (people in general) uncomfortable it just ruins everything because it's constantly on your mind. The worst thing is thinking does this make me look too feminine, does it make 'certain' areas more pronounced etc.
It's just so exhausting! Wait a minute 'authentic' why can't you go how you wish to go? Honestly, if it will cause you pain and misery find a way out of it. Things like that just add to my anxiety!
I work in a historic building and its an exhibition. Obviously "girls weren't soldiers" blah. Blah. Blah
Original post by Anonymous
I work in a historic building and its an exhibition. Obviously "girls weren't soldiers" blah. Blah. Blah
Ah I definitely see where you are coming from. I thought it was a different kind of job but that makes sense. What are you going to do or are you not sure yet?
The things we have to go through! The worst thing is to 'regular' people they may shrug it off but something like the sitatuion you have isn't exactly easy to deal with.
I've actually considered working somewhere else (not because of the trans thing) but then I thought...even if I did, my current job know me as 'female' so my reference would be like that etc. If you have a manager who you can trust you may be able to have a word with them and explain the situation and have them make up some sort of elaborate excuse like they just felt like switching it up this time round
Yeah I know, so do I
Any thoughts on what you may do?
I didn't quote you because I realise you may have accidentally come off anon.
Any thoughts on what you may do?
I didn't quote you because I realise you may have accidentally come off anon.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah I know, so do I
Any thoughts on what you may do?
I didn't quote you because I realise you may have accidentally come off anon.
Any thoughts on what you may do?
I didn't quote you because I realise you may have accidentally come off anon.
stupid phone-_- .
only gotta wait till September I guesn and then I can be myself. It's so draining
I can't imagine how difficult it is for you, but the main thing I can say is, you are a male therefore you should have whatever name badge you feel comfortable with. I know it's not that easy, but your parents will find out eventually, so you might as well be comfortable within your workplace and if you are you are not happy using your female name, which I wouldn't be either, you should definitely use your actual (male) name. I would suggest talking to your workplace about your situation, if you want you could be quite casual and nonchalant about it. Or you could just inform them of your dilemma about name badges and how you want to be addressed. I can't imagine people really bringing it up to your parents, as it's not something a lot of people would mention. But it probably will be mentioned to them at some point. You could use this as a way of approaching the subject to them or you could tell them beforehand. Perhaps a way to break the ice would be to talk about your name badge and why it's a problem to you. I can't begin to imagine how hard it is, but I urge you to do what will make you comfortable and happy in the long run.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- How long does it take to get a transgender gender recognition certificate in the UK?
- Dating as a Trans Person
- Nursing degree after termination
- Anyone heard the rumours?
- Help
- Whether to work from home or not?
- Rolls Royce degree apprenticeship 2021
- Quiet person and not liked at work
- Aren’t exams cruel?
- Claims that a 9 year-old boy was treated poorly by staff ‘because he’s Jewish’
- About to walk out of my job
- I'm scared of coming out as Non-binary
- i gave a birth to nephew
- Am I being underpaid? Is this workplace abuse of overtime?
- NHS trust says transgender milk just as good for babies as normal milk
- My employer don't want to pay me
- St dominics sixth form college
- Is learning code worth in 2023?
- English Fluency as an international student
- Is this right?
Latest
Last reply 3 minutes ago
Why is the political left now censorious and authoritarian??Last reply 4 minutes ago
OCR A-level Religious Studies Paper 3 (Christianity) - 20th June 2024 [Exam Chat]Last reply 5 minutes ago
Official London School of Economics and Political Science 2024 Applicant ThreadLast reply 6 minutes ago
IBM Degree Apprenticeship 2024Last reply 7 minutes ago
Weidenfeld Hoffmann Trust (WHT) Scholarship Notification (2024-2025)Last reply 17 minutes ago
LSE politics and Economics 2023/2024Last reply 17 minutes ago
Is it really such a bad thing to have an undefined relationshipTrending
Last reply 6 days ago
I failed my GCSE'S my parents said they are disgusted with meLast reply 1 week ago
parents aren't letting me go on a uni residential - what do i do?Last reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutLast reply 2 weeks ago
How do I cut off parents at the start of my University year?Trending
Last reply 6 days ago
I failed my GCSE'S my parents said they are disgusted with meLast reply 1 week ago
parents aren't letting me go on a uni residential - what do i do?Last reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutLast reply 2 weeks ago
How do I cut off parents at the start of my University year?
