Should you ever not tell her how you feel?

My friend and I have been getting all kinds of friendly. We were both hammered once and we made out (she initiated it), afterwards we agreed it was a drunk thing and wasn't going anywhere, I said I thought something could happen between us, she said it could but it would be complicated and she didn't want to get involved with anything like that, I generally agreed, so whatever. At this point I didn't really care either way tbh, I was just testing the waters so I didn't press it.

But then the next week she ended up dragging me into her bed after a party and started coming on to me, she was way too drunk and basically I wasn't comfortable sleeping with her, it would have been taking advantage on a massive level. Woke up in the same bed the next day and she was all 'I can't believe what a great guy you are etc', we spoke about it and again came to a clumsy 'lets not go there' kind of decision.

Thing is, basically I really like her, I didn't think I did, I thought it was just a drunk mistake but actually I really really like her, also I'm certain she likes me, her body language has completely changed towards me, shes always sitting right up next to me, holding my arm when we're in a group etc. If I acted like she does with me around male friends they would think I was gay.

In a week she's going on holiday and a week after she gets back from that I'm going on holiday with her and some other friends, I kind of really just want to tell her something like 'I don't want to just be friends I want to be with you, I think you want the same, why don't we just see what happens', and I think there's a quite good chance she'd agree, but also I don't think she knows what she wants and this could be playing all my cards in one hand, I was thinking I would just wait till we're on holiday, but there is another guy in the picture who I know is interested in her, and I think if I don't tell her she might end up thinking that I actually do just only want to be friends...which I now realise I absolutely don't!

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I know them feels bro.

There's a girl I like who I'm going on holiday with soon as well. I'm saving telling her how I feel until we're on holiday. It's not a similar situation regarding getting drunk and kissing, nothing's actually happened between us.

I think you should say how you feel because it's not like any bad's going to come from it. Worst that could happen is nothing, best that could happen is a special relationship :smile:

Reply 2

Zarek

Just ask her out. Don't get too intense. Looks to me like something's on the cards..

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zarek

Just ask her out. Don't get too intense. Looks to me like something's on the cards..

But I'm going on holiday with her at the end of the month, I don't want her to feel awkward.

Basically if I tell her before she goes away the positives are she will be going on holiday, so I won't see her for a while, so if she says no it will clear the air, also, I'm genuinely quite worried about this other guy, I think something could happen there, just based on the way she talks about him, if he asks her out, I think she'll go for it.

The negatives are, she could think it makes things really weird, and it will ruin our holiday together at the end of the month.

However, she's already tried to sleep with me, and we made out, and it wasn't weird...at all actually. So actually I doubt the holiday will be weird.

I think I'm going to go for it,

Reply 4

Zarek

Original post by Anonymous

Exactly. Carpe diem.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks,

Good luck with the girl, based on experience, no matter what she says you'll feel a million times better once you tell her, just get the timing right and build the tension a bit before you do, you're way more likely to get the outcome you want that way. Or just get wasted and make out with her...that's a good plan too lol! n.b. I'm not going to follow my own advice, I think I'm just going to tell her after work one day this week, stone cold sober, haha.

Of course don't tell her first that you just want to be friends, I won't be making that mistake again!!

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zarek

Exactly. Carpe diem.

Whoa, **** just escalated,

Heard from a mutual friend that the guy she has been texting asked her out, she said yes, ****s going down on Monday lol, I'm seeing her today, so I'm just going to tell her, it'll seem a bit reactionary and she'll know my mate has told me (she maybe even told him knowing it would get passed to me), but what the hell, if there is any chance of this happening I think it needs to happen now.

Reply 7

Zarek

Original post by Anonymous

The path of true love is never smooth. You might need to bide your time. Keep us updated..

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zarek

Just ask her out. Don't get too intense. Looks to me like something's on the cards..

So basically I didn't get a chance to see her in person so I texted her, which I think was actually ok. I said that I wasn't sure what was going on between us and if she felt there could be more than friendship.

Response was, basically, she asked me if I wanted her to be completely honest, I said yes, then she said she's feeling very conflicted about the whole thing, she said she's not going to tell me something could happen between us, because she doesn't want to lead me on, but while she does think I'm amazing she doesn't think her feelings are strong enough and she's too conflicted to want to risk starting something, hurting me, then losing me as a friend.

So... basically, I was all 'that's ok, I just needed to know' and we chatted for a while, saw her yesterday and it wasn't weird or anything.

I'm pretty good at cutting my losses at things like this (and I do have other options), but bizarrely I think I still have a tiny bit of a chance depending on how well it goes with her and this other guy. Ultimately while she says she doesn't want to lose me as a friend and is conflicted etc. I'd much rather take a chance on something more.

I don't know I mean this is a girl who I know 2 years ago rated me (she doesn't know I know this) as the least attractive person in our group of friends (tbh we weren't really friends, we barely knew each other), and now she's dragging me into bed with her and is conflicted about dating me, that's one hell of a turnaround.