Help how can I be more approachable? Really struggling.

My advice: STOP 'trying' to 'appear' approachable.

There's no point trying to wrench your face into emotions you're not experiencing in order to 'appear' a certain way to other people. In fact, stop caring about how they are 'perceiving' you.

Instead, focus on what you are aiming to create. Would you like to create a friendly relationship? If so, realize that the way you use your body is a big part of that. Raising your eyebrows and a real smile do influence things significantly as you are creating that kind of bond.

Make sure you're doing this for the right reasons. You want to be coming from a place of "I want to create a friendly relationship, so I am going to steer my non-verbals towards that outcome" rather than, "Oh no! What are they thinking about me? I need to look like I'm approachable! I have to appear a certain way for them!". The former is great. The latter is going to be really unhelpful and will NOT serve you at all.

Practise in front of a mirror. You're very focused on your face, but also consider the rest of your body. When I say that, I don't mean think "How am I being perceived?". I mean think "What am I creating?". Are you creating a friendly atmosphere if you are folding your arms, leaning away and looking down? Probably not. So bear your whole body in mind. (And body. Haha.)

The mirror practice will really help, though. See if you can FEEL the differences in the way your face moves. It will probably feel odd at first to be using your non-verbals in a different way, because the old ways are habitual, but practise and over time it'll feel more and more natural (I have done this with my own non verbal language).

You might have some unhelpful beliefs here as well like, "I must always look happy". Bull****. Not true. You don't need to 'appear' a certain way to people and disguise how you're really feeling at all. It's much better to focus on what you want to create. If you want to create a friendly bond, you're not going to do that if you are using your body in a way associated with being miserable, defensive or uncomfortable. So maybe learning about body language and practising this would be a really good idea - remembering to keep your focus on what you are creating and perceiving and feeling, not how you are being perceived by others.

Last thing - doesn't matter what other people say. It's not really useful. They are just evaluating your behaviour based on their own unconscious evaluations and perceptions; don't worry if they say "You look ___". It doesn't matter how you look to them. Stop being concerned about this. Instead focus on what YOU are creating and the kind of relationship you want to create. How do you want to show up in life? How do you want to be in the world? How do you want to feel as you walk around? Think about that, not about how you are being perceived. This perspective change will probably be the thing that does it. Remember it'll take time. Lasting change always does. This will probably be an organic process for you of orientating to reality in a new way. Don't be too hard on yourself if it takes a while. Change is incremental and lasting change is organic. You won't become perfect at this overnight - keep practising and you will get better All the best

Guys I need your help/advice. I've always been extremely quiet and not the best at socialising. It used to be that I wasn't very good at it I'm a bit better now but I find conversation boring often and cannot force myself to smile etc. I'm fine meeting people and having a conversation but after knowing me for a while people tend to drift away from me. I think that I come across as too formal and when I joke I don't smile so people think I'm serious or insulting them. Also because I don't speak much they won't see me as a joker so must assume I'm serious.

People say I look pissed off/miserable a lot but I don't feel it it's just my lips that turn downwards lol. Also some people are very smiley when talking and I can't be like this I hate forcing myself to smile etc I never give anything away in expressions I guess I'm very facially blunt and like to keep feelings/thoughts to myself. Another thing is I often don't know what facial expression I'm making, when I attempt to smile a bit it looks like a sneer and when I try to look surprised during conversation people say I look very worried. A man at work banters with me and I attempt to banter back with my dry sense of humour thinking that he's cool and we get on well. Next thing he pulls me to one side and explained that he was only joking about the stuff he said, that he likes a joke and that he was worried he offended me as that's how I appeared. He said that I gave him a look as if to say 'is he a ****ing nutter'. I just said that I wasn't offended but now he doesn't speak much to me. I enjoyed the banter lol now it's gone.

Just wanted advice I want to appear approachable but I never feel like smiling! I'm sure this is why I'm not approachable my family say that I come across as stuck up. I've never really had a social circle and I think this May be the reason