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My boyfriend lacks common sense

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Reply 20
I think you should end the relationship. This feeling of being a babysitter isn't going to go anywhere - it'll probably only get worse as these things continue to mount up. It's already bad enough for you to have reached out for help.

I have been in a similar situation - my ex, I came to learn over time, was very emotionally immature and things would always be going wrong. After a while I realised it was just too much for me. I felt like her babysitter, which meant I didn't respect her. The biggest thing I learnt from the experience is that as much as you might love the other person, relationships aren't charity. If you don't feel like equals, it's not going to work. Don't wait for him to change, he won't - if you don't see him as an equal I think you should move on.
Original post by miser
I think you should end the relationship. This feeling of being a babysitter isn't going to go anywhere - it'll probably only get worse as these things continue to mount up. It's already bad enough for you to have reached out for help.

I have been in a similar situation - my ex, I came to learn over time, was very emotionally immature and things would always be going wrong. After a while I realised it was just too much for me. I felt like her babysitter, which meant I didn't respect her. The biggest thing I learnt from the experience is that as much as you might love the other person, relationships aren't charity. If you don't feel like equals, it's not going to work. Don't wait for him to change, he won't - if you don't see him as an equal I think you should move on.

Why didn't you respect her? I'm curious. I understand your point ( I disagree with it but I get you ) but I don't understand why you wouldn't respect someone for not having common sense?
Was going to say common sense isn't particularly all that common however it appears to me that he might have some kind of learning difficulties rather than a common sense issue.

Has he been diagnosed with anything prior to this? It is actually rather common for many people from other countries where such conditions are simply left alone due to lack of awareness or economic resources to deal with such issues.
Reply 23
Original post by Anonymous
This may seem a bit of a weird thing to write about, but I'm quite concerned :frown:
I'm 28 and have been with my 30 year old bf for a year. I'm not sure if I just didn't notice it at the start or if it's getting worse, but I'm left in disbelief by a lot of the things he does and don't know if it's normal or I should be worried.

The other day I just managed to stop him as he was about to ram a metal knife into the toaster. He then claimed he had no idea that that was dangerous :eek:
He walks around in his own world, trips over things and often obliviously walks into the road without looking and a few times I've had to pull him back in the nick of time.

He also recently signed a contract for an internet phone even though his phone doesn't have internet! Then he wondered why they wouldn't let him cancel it and now he's stuck with it.

He forgot about a very important appointment he had and ended up waking up 20 mins before it. I told him he would probably make it if he rushed out the door right now, then 10 mins later I find him in the kitchen making breakfast. I asked him what he was doing and he said 'I'm on autopilot in the morning - I have to have my breakfast'. I practically had to yank him out of the door and he luckily made it, albeit a few mins late.

We recently went to visit my family in England and he seemed to not realise he would need money for the 2 weeks so I had to take it out of my bank account (to spare him commission costs) even though I was skint myself. I felt like I was giving my child pocket money or something.

I live abroad (in the country where he's from), but I find myself having to teach him how to fill out forms even though they're in his language and I barely know myself how to fill them out.

I guess I feel more like his babysitter sometimes rather than his gf (I know that's an awful thing to say) and when we have a few days apart during the week (we don't live together) I kind of feel relieved as I don't have to watch over him and make sure he stays out of trouble and I feel I can have a breather.

I get mad at him often for doing things without thinking as it worries me and then he gets mad and says 'I'm not a child', but it frustrates me so much as I feel I can't rely on him. I have a lot going on myself at the moment, but have to let him know when he has a meeting or appointment (because he will have forgotten) and even work out how he should get there as he would get lost himself (no joke) or arrive late. Our sex life is dwindling as I don't feel 'protected' by him as I'm the one looking after him.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone else is in the same situation. I love him to bits and he's great in so many ways - I'm just flabbergasted by his actions sometimes.

Sorry for the long post :frown:


Eesh, sounds crazy! In my opinion I doubt he will ever change, it's just the way his brain is wired - the question is, can you put up with that for the rest of your life? Can you see yourself having kids with this man (or leaving him alone to care for your kids)?
Original post by TheSweatyNerd
Should have let the toaster take him. Natural selection.


I laughed so hard at this.

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Reply 25
Original post by Tyrion_Lannister
Why didn't you respect her? I'm curious. I understand your point ( I disagree with it but I get you ) but I don't understand why you wouldn't respect someone for not having common sense?

In my case it wasn't about common sense, it was her emotional problems, but it caused me to stop seeing her as an equal and that to an extent I had to babysit her. She would absorb everything I was putting into the relationship without sustaining it herself. I couldn't see her as an equal in the relationship so I found myself losing respect for her.
Despite the fact I think any symptoms used to diagnose the condition are mild in myself, I was worse as a child, and got diagnosed with dyspraxia...some of what you say makes me think it could be something like that, a lack of being able to organise his life...still not sure I like a diagnosis for something so vague though.

The forms thing, help with bank accounts say, I don't think is such a big thing. You will find quite a lot of people who are normally confident in general can get easily flustered filling out a form, passport, bank account, what ever etc. Some people panic that they;ll fill it in wrong and thus need assurance they're doing it right, even though they sort of know it's self explanatory.
Reply 27
Time to get yourself some snazzy life insurance. Give it some time to mature and you're quids in without a murder charge.
I was laughing at toaster onwards
Thanks so much for your replies and for taking the time to read it. I was actually expecting to be ripped to shreds so I was quite shocked that people were helping :redface:

I know some things he does aren't a big deal (like filling in forms as Joey pointed out) and that people have way worse problems in relationships (I used to be with an emotionally abusive guy so a lot of these probs seems a bit insignificant, but still bother me nonetheless).

Some people asked why I'm still with him, but he's the most loving and caring guy I've ever met and we have such a laugh together. He's one of the few guys I can be myself with :smile:

Kabloomybuzz, you mentioned dyspraxia and I've just researched a bit and it does seem to make sense. The part about finding it hard to organise himself and plan ahead fits him, but on the other hand the part about having difficulty with fine motor skills coordination and language doesn't really fit as it says sufferers might find it hard to play instruments, but he plays several really well and he speaks several languages fluently (he's a tutor and translator). I know that not everything has to fit for him to be dyspraxic though so it could well be that he has a mild form of it.

I just wonder how I could bring it up with him. I guess I could talk to his mum although it couldn't be face to face as she lives on a different continent. Someone mentioned about him being mollycoddled and I think that might also have played a part as his parents used to do lots for him so he didn't really learn how to be independent.

Thanks again, everyone :smile:
I know exactly what you mean except I live with my bf and it's so irritating
I am in the same boat. I dont want to even have sex anymore because I cant overlook the dumb things he says or does. I do love him but the type of live I have for him is changing because it doesnt seem like he is changing for the better. Its everyday. He lacks common sense and is academically smart. I totally get it and feel stuck! I dont know who to talk to about it, so its nice to see that I’m not alone.

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