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Could someone mark my introduction so far for a formal broadsheet newspaper article?

Could someone mark my introduction so far for a formal broadsheet newspaper article? And tell me how I could improve and add high level punctuation or connectives. The topic is dangerous dogs.

My headline is: Bark not bite: Dangerous Dogs Act in the limelight as attacks upsurge.


Unnecessary, dog attacks are on the rise. For instance, the number of virtuous victims taken to hospital due to dog bites has almost doubled within a decade, new figures have proven. According to hospital statistics, the number of dog bites reported at A&E departments within the United Kingdom has increased by 95 percent over the past decade and reached 7,254 within the last year.
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Original post by euphxria

Unnecessary, dog attacks are on the rise.


So it seems are unnecessary commas. And as well perhaps unnecessary qualifiers, since it is difficult to imagine dog attacks as necessary.

Original post by euphxria

For instance, the number of virtuous victims taken to hospital due to dog bites has almost doubled within a decade, new figures have proven.


The "for instance" is redundant. This demonstrates the truth of the claim, not an instance of it.

What are "virtuous victims"? You mean blameless or innocent victims.

Also, the figures don't prove something, a contention formerly in dispute, they demonstrate, show, or reveal.



Original post by euphxria

For instance, the number of virtuous victims taken to hospital due to dog bites has almost doubled within a decade, new figures have proven. According to hospital statistics, the number of dog bites reported at A&E departments within the United Kingdom has increased by 95 percent over the past decade and reached 7,254 within the last year.


While these figures don't contradict each other, they present a confusing picture. The number of victims going to hospital has doubled while the number of bites treated at hospitals has increased by 95%...?



There has been a dramatic rise in the number of people bitten by dogs, according to new statistics released by [name respectable agency]. The figures reveal that A&E admissions for dog bites have increased by as much as 95 percent over the last decade.

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