"Be Who You Are" - But Seek Help If You're Different?

I'm introverted, don't like to go out to pubs or clubs much. I prefer to stay in or be in the pub with a few friends. That's rare however.

I like the way I am and am happy with life the way it is. Except my family say I don't have a life and that I'm weird etc.

But why should I change who I am (or seek help) if I'm happy? I make a living selling stuff on ebay and writing various things. I have a girlfriend.

She understands but no one else does. Should I change the way I am to suit other people? I mean it probably wouldn't work anyway because it would be a lie...and I would be really uncomfortable being extrovert.

Ideas please...this is getting me a bit down because my family are constantly on my case, calling me weird and all sorts. It's probably their fault I'm introverted...

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Reply 1

generalebriety

Depends. I am fully of the opinion that you shouldn't change who you are unless you are causing harm to someone. I've had friends who've gone "oh but you're changing me :frown:

" so I felt guilty and then when I backed off they acted like complete w***ers to me as usual. If this is a case of "I like myself but other people think I'm a bit weird", forget them. Easy for me to say, I managed to do it, but it's the right route to take.

So, if it's just your introverted nature that's in question, don't bother changing it - unless, of course, your friends are getting upset that you never see them or something (because you're shy or have never gone out with those particular people before or something). That would be a different story in my eyes.

Reply 2

captain_yesterday

I totally agree with you, and I think it's quite mean that your family are calling you weird! I'm a bit of an introvert too, but my family respect it, and it doesn't surprise me that it is getting you down a bit :frown:

There's no point in "living a lie" so to speak, if you have to change to please others then it's not worth it.

The only thing I can think of right now (note - 2:20AM!) is to sit down and have a serious chat with your parents (or whoever the 'offenders' may be).

Good luck with it

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Thanks.

The issue with my friends is really the dives they go to...with house music and other crap I don't like and wouldn't lower myself too. They don't really like to go in pubs.

And my family just laugh at me. I've said if you weren't so negative and constantly nagging me and putting me down I'd be a lot happier but they just laugh at me. I have a good friend who's introverted and she's said negativity kills you and its true.

My only hope is to move out soon, maybe with my girlfriend. It's so depressing here. I think its that they have certain standards of how I should be etc and I don't match them.

The funny thing is my sister just got loads of U's and D's at AS level but everyone is okay with that because 'at least she'll get a job in a shop or something'...its crazy. I told my sister I did better than her and I was hardly in college (due to introversion and some anxiety) and she just screamed 'YEAH BUT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT? EH? EH? EH?'

I'm okay if my girlfriend is here, I have someone to be close to and who actually understands me. But its terrible here, I'm basically getting grief for being a live and being the way I am. It sucks.

But I won't change. Soon I'm going to move out and stay away from these negative people.

Reply 4

generalebriety

Anonymous

The issue with my friends is really the dives they go to...with house music and other crap I don't like and wouldn't lower myself too. They don't really like to go in pubs.

Ah - knew there was some arrogance behind this.

Anonymous

And my family just laugh at me. I've said if you weren't so negative and constantly nagging me and putting me down I'd be a lot happier but they just laugh at me. I have a good friend who's introverted and she's said negativity kills you and its true.

They **** you up, your mum and dad; they may not mean to, but they do. (Google it.)

Anonymous

My only hope is to move out soon, maybe with my girlfriend. It's so depressing here. I think its that they have certain standards of how I should be etc and I don't match them.

The funny thing is my sister just got loads of U's and D's at AS level but everyone is okay with that because 'at least she'll get a job in a shop or something'...its crazy. I told my sister I did better than her and I was hardly in college (due to introversion and some anxiety) and she just screamed 'YEAH BUT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT? EH? EH? EH?'

I'm okay if my girlfriend is here, I have someone to be close to and who actually understands me. But its terrible here, I'm basically getting grief for being a live and being the way I am. It sucks.

But I won't change. Soon I'm going to move out and stay away from these negative people.

Um... unfortunately you appear to have been the sort of person my friends have been who I really can't stand. Negativity is ok to avoid if it's coming from your family who seem to be giving you unwanted abuse for nothing. But maybe your friends are criticising you and you're just getting into this silly mindset of "argh negativity, must not listen, oppression". Of course maybe they are just complete bastards, but maybe not.

This post seems more comfortably whiney and unnecessary than the first, I'm sorry to say.

Reply 5

Scipio

You only have two options;

Be more out going, as you said anxiety plays it's part in you being introverted so perhaps get a job with people contact, it'll help you be more confident, and therefore less nervous and anxious.

Stay as you are.

Reply 6

Squelchy

Grow some balls and tell them to eat **** and die.

Reply 7

Schroedinger's Pandora

Oh sweetheart that's horrible. My mum was exactly the same way with me when I lived at home, and surprisingly enough, when I moved out at 17 I actually got to know myself so much better. I appreciate that may sound a bit crazy, but it took me less than 6 months to realise that I was introverted BECAUSE of my mum, my brothers and sisters. They used to call me wierd because I wasn't chatty like they are, I didn't really know how to be sociable and I didn't have an awful lot of friends.

I just thought that it was the way I was and nothing would ever change it, but it was the opressive atmosphere in my house (and my pervert stepfather) that made me that way.

I'm 22 now, and I have had one serious personality bypass. I am actually incredibly confident and self-assured, and I know now that it's how I've always been, I was just never allowed to be at home.

My best advice would be to move out. It's not as scary as it sounds and you will most certainly thank yourself for it.

PM me if you wanna chat.

Reply 8

dazmanultra

I think a more positive social attitude helps you in many aspects of your life. A large network of friends and aquaintences can be very useful to have, as well as fulfilling.

You say that you're introverted, do you not like meeting new people or doing new things? Do you have many hobbies?

It's not about going out every night of the week and getting hammered - it's about interacting with people in a positive way in every day life.

Reply 9

grace

generalebriety

They **** you up, your mum and dad; they may not mean to, but they do.

wise words of philip larkin :smile:

Reply 10

R1chyP

dazmanultra

It's not about going out every night of the week and getting hammered - it's about interacting with people in a positive way in every day life.

I applaud with your philosophy. Positive all the way baby

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

About my friends and the dives:

It's not about arrogance, its about having morals. They are into drugs and all sorts at those clubs. I refuse to go along now, I was a part of that for years and I got tired of it.

NB: I've never taken any drugs, just been around my mates when they have.

I enjoy cycling but don't have a bike since it was stolen, I'll buy one soon though since I can afford it. And hiking is cool, I'll go with my girlfriend when she gets back off holiday. Writing is also a hobby but its more a solo thing.

Anyway, the main problem is homelife...its so ****ty. I don't actually actively seek out new people or places on my own although if a friend is going I have no problem going with them. Although presently, I prefer my own company...

This will all change when I move out though, when I was with my girlfriend at her halls at uni I was out a lot and enjoyed it.

Thanks RedSox

Reply 12

generalebriety

Anonymous

This is what I mean. You can get off your moral high horse and go out with your friends and not take drugs. If them taking drugs isn't the problem then stop acting like it is, but "they do drugs so I refuse to go along" is just stupid.

Reply 13

Nonsmoking

generalebriety

Um, it's not fun being around a bunch of idiots who are high!

Reply 14

generalebriety

Nonsmoking

Um, it's not fun being around a bunch of idiots who are high!

So the problem is that his friends are idiots, not that they do drugs?

Personally I enjoy being around my friends whether they're on drugs or not. They're still my friends and still nice people. If his friends aren't nice people when they're on drugs I'd be willing to bet they weren't nice people when they weren't on drugs.

Reply 15

kateykat

little_red_sox

It actually really lifts my spirits reading that. I live with psycho father in a disgusting, dirty house and I'm constantly mentally abused by him. I do think I've been shy and introverted all these years because I haven't been given the space to grow as a person without feeling threatened or insecure and my home situation has been so bad that I just haven't really seen any point in making an effort. When I'm in comfortable surroundings with normal people I can be chatty and I totally relax; at home it's restrictive and scary. Uni seems to be my only escape and I've been focused on it for years and years.

I'm really glad you've become the person you want to be. :smile:

Reply 16

Montrose

generalebriety

Not necessarily. It's the same with alcohol. Some people can be the nicest in the world, but when they get drunk, the chemicals change them and they become people who are not nice to be around. I can understand the OP not wanting to be around friends when they're on drugs. I wouldn't say it's arrogance, just more an in-built thing. It's not something I consciously decided to do, but if I am around someone when they are doing something illegal I sweat a lot, become itchy and generally uncomfortable.

OP, apologies if I missed something, have you tried asking your friends to do something that doesn't involve raves and drug taking? Take them out of that environment and you may be able to have fun with them.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted. As has been said though, if it means you're neglecting friends who need your attention, don't necessarily change yourself, but make an effort. If you can afford it, looking at getting your own place may help as well.