21 never had a date, let alone a boyfriend! HELP,
Hi,
Embarrassing which is why this is anonymous but felt I should just get a bit of advice because honestly it is depressing.
As you can see from the title, I'm 21 (female) and never had a boyfriend or even a date! It would be nice to do this, though I am under no illusion that I am not the best catch out there. I am overweight and currently doing things to rectify this situation. I'm constantly told however that I am funny, I know I'm intelligent and (besides the weight issue) I wouldn't say that I am ugly.
All I really wanted to know is whether it is weird to have got to this stage in my life without these experiences because I do feel like I am the only one
Phrases such as 'you'll find someone eventually', 'they're out there somewhere', or 'I envy you because you have all this to come' are the worst things imaginable to me because unless these people have a crystal ball there is no certainty in this whatsoever which is why I find the topic of relationships so frustrating!
Alongside this my brother is getting married next year, sending me into a funk about the fact he is going to have someone for life whereas I haven't has someone for a minute!
If anyone could let me know I'm not the only one who feels this way I would be eternally grateful.
NB. Although I haven't had a bf I have kissed/ been kissed before so I don't feel too sorry for myself haha
Embarrassing which is why this is anonymous but felt I should just get a bit of advice because honestly it is depressing.
As you can see from the title, I'm 21 (female) and never had a boyfriend or even a date! It would be nice to do this, though I am under no illusion that I am not the best catch out there. I am overweight and currently doing things to rectify this situation. I'm constantly told however that I am funny, I know I'm intelligent and (besides the weight issue) I wouldn't say that I am ugly.
All I really wanted to know is whether it is weird to have got to this stage in my life without these experiences because I do feel like I am the only one
Phrases such as 'you'll find someone eventually', 'they're out there somewhere', or 'I envy you because you have all this to come' are the worst things imaginable to me because unless these people have a crystal ball there is no certainty in this whatsoever which is why I find the topic of relationships so frustrating!
Alongside this my brother is getting married next year, sending me into a funk about the fact he is going to have someone for life whereas I haven't has someone for a minute!
If anyone could let me know I'm not the only one who feels this way I would be eternally grateful.
NB. Although I haven't had a bf I have kissed/ been kissed before so I don't feel too sorry for myself haha
Scroll to see replies
You're not going to find Mr right, its a fairy tale. Loose weight, no really loose weight its a big deal when it comes to how attractive a girl is.
(edited 9 years ago)
I had my first boyfriend when I was 23. Although I'd been on the odd date before, I'd never met someone I'd fancied enough to be in a relationship with them. But it's only really a big deal if you make it a big deal- don't get me wrong, I'm glad I've had the experience now, but waiting for someone who I really liked was worth it. Also, it's great to want to lose weight and get healthy, but do it for yourself, not for some potential boyfriend; it's so easy to feel that your physical appearance is holding you back, but if a guy likes you, he likes you. I think the most important thing is liking yourself first.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,
Embarrassing which is why this is anonymous but felt I should just get a bit of advice because honestly it is depressing.
As you can see from the title, I'm 21 (female) and never had a boyfriend or even a date! It would be nice to do this, though I am under no illusion that I am not the best catch out there. I am overweight and currently doing things to rectify this situation. I'm constantly told however that I am funny, I know I'm intelligent and (besides the weight issue) I wouldn't say that I am ugly.
All I really wanted to know is whether it is weird to have got to this stage in my life without these experiences because I do feel like I am the only one
Phrases such as 'you'll find someone eventually', 'they're out there somewhere', or 'I envy you because you have all this to come' are the worst things imaginable to me because unless these people have a crystal ball there is no certainty in this whatsoever which is why I find the topic of relationships so frustrating!
Alongside this my brother is getting married next year, sending me into a funk about the fact he is going to have someone for life whereas I haven't has someone for a minute!
If anyone could let me know I'm not the only one who feels this way I would be eternally grateful.
NB. Although I haven't had a bf I have kissed/ been kissed before so I don't feel too sorry for myself haha
Embarrassing which is why this is anonymous but felt I should just get a bit of advice because honestly it is depressing.
As you can see from the title, I'm 21 (female) and never had a boyfriend or even a date! It would be nice to do this, though I am under no illusion that I am not the best catch out there. I am overweight and currently doing things to rectify this situation. I'm constantly told however that I am funny, I know I'm intelligent and (besides the weight issue) I wouldn't say that I am ugly.
All I really wanted to know is whether it is weird to have got to this stage in my life without these experiences because I do feel like I am the only one
Phrases such as 'you'll find someone eventually', 'they're out there somewhere', or 'I envy you because you have all this to come' are the worst things imaginable to me because unless these people have a crystal ball there is no certainty in this whatsoever which is why I find the topic of relationships so frustrating!
Alongside this my brother is getting married next year, sending me into a funk about the fact he is going to have someone for life whereas I haven't has someone for a minute!
If anyone could let me know I'm not the only one who feels this way I would be eternally grateful.
NB. Although I haven't had a bf I have kissed/ been kissed before so I don't feel too sorry for myself haha
I knew a girl at university who felt exactly the same as you. In her case it was a combination of being an evangelical Christian, going to an all girls school and generally being incredibly awkward with men. By the sounds of it you're in a much better place than she was/is, and have less serious issues getting in the way of relationships etc. The fact you've identified your weight as an issue and are working on it is something I have huge respect for; a lot of people wouldn't have the guts or motivation to do that.
There are a surprising number of people who at 21 haven't had a relationship. Many of them are religious, but some are simply shy or put education first. I knew a guy who was literally seen as a massive catch and hot as hell by a lot of girls in my year, yet he refused to date or sleep with anyone until after University. He did that out of choice and I suspect he'll keep to that until he meets someone very special. So in effect yes, you're not alone.
Don't worry about it! I think you'll find that there are a lot more people out there who are going through the same thing but aren't brave enough to talk about it, so they lie. Lived with a couple of them last year!
I'm sure that you're a lovely person and at the end of the day, that's all that matters. But at this age, when people are out, confidence is a key attribute in people and if you're self-concious or lack confidence, things can be a bit more difficult. You've highlighted your weight as an area that you're improving on. I know it really shouldn't matter to people, but it's just one of those things. If you get to a stage where you're happy with your body then things will be so much easier for you and you'll have people, kneeling at your feet, trying to get a date. Not because you're thin, but because you'll start oozing confidence!
As Gok Wan says; 'It's all about the confidence!'
If you want any advice on losing weight feel free to PM me. I'm a personal trainer at university.
I'm sure that you're a lovely person and at the end of the day, that's all that matters. But at this age, when people are out, confidence is a key attribute in people and if you're self-concious or lack confidence, things can be a bit more difficult. You've highlighted your weight as an area that you're improving on. I know it really shouldn't matter to people, but it's just one of those things. If you get to a stage where you're happy with your body then things will be so much easier for you and you'll have people, kneeling at your feet, trying to get a date. Not because you're thin, but because you'll start oozing confidence!
As Gok Wan says; 'It's all about the confidence!'
If you want any advice on losing weight feel free to PM me. I'm a personal trainer at university.
There are more people that are lonely, not even having friends, let alone dates out there than ever before - yes you see all kinds of stuff on facebook about people having the times of their lives, but most of it is exagurated.,
Its sad how society has come to this, but whatever..
Don't worry too much - but really, loose the weight, it will only make you suffer - there is no magic diet, just don't eat. Thats pretty much the only way.
Its sad how society has come to this, but whatever..
Don't worry too much - but really, loose the weight, it will only make you suffer - there is no magic diet, just don't eat. Thats pretty much the only way.
Original post by llacerta
I had my first boyfriend when I was 23. Although I'd been on the odd date before, I'd never met someone I'd fancied enough to be in a relationship with them. But it's only really a big deal if you make it a big deal- don't get me wrong, I'm glad I've had the experience now, but waiting for someone who I really liked was worth it. Also, it's great to want to lose weight and get healthy, but do it for yourself, not for some potential boyfriend; it's so easy to feel that your physical appearance is holding you back, but if a guy likes you, he likes you. I think the most important thing is liking yourself first.
Please quit it with that 'a guy should only like me for me and my appearance should not matter!!!111' BS. It is BS and will not help OP at all.
OP, without sounding like a dick, instead of feeling sorry for yourself make a change in your life. Eat better, workout 5 times a week, you will become more attractive and therefore so much more confident, the mixture of these two being a killer combination. And judging from your post, your already funny and intelligent. Get out and meet more people, Become the whole package and be the woman you want to be, it's down to you and no one else!
Original post by Anonymous
Please quit it with that 'a guy should only like me for me and my appearance should not matter!!!111' BS. It is BS and will not help OP at all.
OP, without sounding like a dick, instead of feeling sorry for yourself make a change in your life. Eat better, workout 5 times a week, you will become more attractive and therefore so much more confident, the mixture of these two being a killer combination. And judging from your post, your already funny and intelligent. Get out and meet more people, Become the whole package and be the woman you want to be, it's down to you and no one else!
OP, without sounding like a dick, instead of feeling sorry for yourself make a change in your life. Eat better, workout 5 times a week, you will become more attractive and therefore so much more confident, the mixture of these two being a killer combination. And judging from your post, your already funny and intelligent. Get out and meet more people, Become the whole package and be the woman you want to be, it's down to you and no one else!
I didn't say that a guy shouldn't (or won't) care about a girl's appearance...Just that it's much better to want to get healthy etc. for yourself, not in the hope of attracting a guy. What if OP did everything that you said, and still didn't find someone? It'd be an even bigger knock to their confidence. It's much better to feel good about yourself, and not to have to rely on some guy liking you for that to happen. Otherwise you get into a cycle of relying on them as the source of self-esteem, and when that happens and the relationship ends, OP will feel a lot worse than they do now.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,
Embarrassing which is why this is anonymous but felt I should just get a bit of advice because honestly it is depressing.
As you can see from the title, I'm 21 (female) and never had a boyfriend or even a date! It would be nice to do this, though I am under no illusion that I am not the best catch out there. I am overweight and currently doing things to rectify this situation. I'm constantly told however that I am funny, I know I'm intelligent and (besides the weight issue) I wouldn't say that I am ugly.
All I really wanted to know is whether it is weird to have got to this stage in my life without these experiences because I do feel like I am the only one
Phrases such as 'you'll find someone eventually', 'they're out there somewhere', or 'I envy you because you have all this to come' are the worst things imaginable to me because unless these people have a crystal ball there is no certainty in this whatsoever which is why I find the topic of relationships so frustrating!
Alongside this my brother is getting married next year, sending me into a funk about the fact he is going to have someone for life whereas I haven't has someone for a minute!
If anyone could let me know I'm not the only one who feels this way I would be eternally grateful.
NB. Although I haven't had a bf I have kissed/ been kissed before so I don't feel too sorry for myself haha
Embarrassing which is why this is anonymous but felt I should just get a bit of advice because honestly it is depressing.
As you can see from the title, I'm 21 (female) and never had a boyfriend or even a date! It would be nice to do this, though I am under no illusion that I am not the best catch out there. I am overweight and currently doing things to rectify this situation. I'm constantly told however that I am funny, I know I'm intelligent and (besides the weight issue) I wouldn't say that I am ugly.
All I really wanted to know is whether it is weird to have got to this stage in my life without these experiences because I do feel like I am the only one
Phrases such as 'you'll find someone eventually', 'they're out there somewhere', or 'I envy you because you have all this to come' are the worst things imaginable to me because unless these people have a crystal ball there is no certainty in this whatsoever which is why I find the topic of relationships so frustrating!
Alongside this my brother is getting married next year, sending me into a funk about the fact he is going to have someone for life whereas I haven't has someone for a minute!
If anyone could let me know I'm not the only one who feels this way I would be eternally grateful.
NB. Although I haven't had a bf I have kissed/ been kissed before so I don't feel too sorry for myself haha
**** all that *******s about you'll find the right person, if you're happy who you are be happy who you are but if you want to be with someone lose weight simples, no other tricks will work as effective as this all humans are shallow and hypocrites and we all adore the same thing
Thank you all for the honest advice 
I know my weight is a problem which is why I am genuinely trying to do something about it (and nothing any of you have said is too harsh because it is just the truth and will probably spur me on in trying to reach my goal)
My main concern really is approaching people - generally I'm quite a shy person and often feel afraid or embarrassed to talk to people I don't know - again like you've said self-confidence derives from body confidence.
Thanks for the support though and sorry if it sounded like a pity party - I know all the onus is on me to make the change
OP x
I know my weight is a problem which is why I am genuinely trying to do something about it (and nothing any of you have said is too harsh because it is just the truth and will probably spur me on in trying to reach my goal)My main concern really is approaching people - generally I'm quite a shy person and often feel afraid or embarrassed to talk to people I don't know - again like you've said self-confidence derives from body confidence.
Thanks for the support though and sorry if it sounded like a pity party - I know all the onus is on me to make the change
OP x
Don't listen to people who tell you "it''ll happen eventually". It won't, not unless you make it happen! My advice is to do everything you can to increase your self esteem and appear confident to others (if this, for you, means losing weight then do it!). Also try to have as a active social life as possible (statistically you're most likely to meet somebody through friends). Most importantly don't be reluctant to meet new people or try new things, and don't let your embarassment cause you to become withdrawn and socially isolated. This is precisely what happened to me, and I'm now 26 and I've still never had a relationship. I've gradually lost all my friends and have failed to make new ones, and these days I'm practically a recluse. I'm miserable, lonely, frustrated and depressed; I won't live much longer, and I'm glad of it. Fix this now whilst you still can.
Original post by Anonymous
Don't listen to people who tell you "it''ll happen eventually". It won't, not unless you make it happen! My advice is to do everything you can to increase your self esteem and appear confident to others (if this, for you, means losing weight then do it!). Also try to have as a active social life as possible (statistically you're most likely to meet somebody through friends). Most importantly don't be reluctant to meet new people or try new things, and don't let your embarassment cause you to become withdrawn and socially isolated. This is precisely what happened to me, and I'm now 26 and I've still never had a relationship. I've gradually lost all my friends and have failed to make new ones, and these days I'm practically a recluse. I'm miserable, lonely, frustrated and depressed; I won't live much longer, and I'm glad of it. Fix this now whilst you still can.
This is just so bleak.
Original post by + polarity -
This is just so bleak.
Indeed, and it's a situation that's surprisingly easy to drift into, almost without realising because it's so gradual. Then one day you wake up and your first thought is that you wish you hadn't.
Original post by Anonymous
Indeed, and it's a situation that's surprisingly easy to drift into, almost without realising because it's so gradual. Then one day you wake up and your first thought is that you wish you hadn't.
I'm halfway there
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,
Embarrassing which is why this is anonymous but felt I should just get a bit of advice because honestly it is depressing.
As you can see from the title, I'm 21 (female) and never had a boyfriend or even a date! It would be nice to do this, though I am under no illusion that I am not the best catch out there. I am overweight and currently doing things to rectify this situation. I'm constantly told however that I am funny, I know I'm intelligent and (besides the weight issue) I wouldn't say that I am ugly.
All I really wanted to know is whether it is weird to have got to this stage in my life without these experiences because I do feel like I am the only one
Phrases such as 'you'll find someone eventually', 'they're out there somewhere', or 'I envy you because you have all this to come' are the worst things imaginable to me because unless these people have a crystal ball there is no certainty in this whatsoever which is why I find the topic of relationships so frustrating!
Alongside this my brother is getting married next year, sending me into a funk about the fact he is going to have someone for life whereas I haven't has someone for a minute!
If anyone could let me know I'm not the only one who feels this way I would be eternally grateful.
NB. Although I haven't had a bf I have kissed/ been kissed before so I don't feel too sorry for myself haha
Embarrassing which is why this is anonymous but felt I should just get a bit of advice because honestly it is depressing.
As you can see from the title, I'm 21 (female) and never had a boyfriend or even a date! It would be nice to do this, though I am under no illusion that I am not the best catch out there. I am overweight and currently doing things to rectify this situation. I'm constantly told however that I am funny, I know I'm intelligent and (besides the weight issue) I wouldn't say that I am ugly.
All I really wanted to know is whether it is weird to have got to this stage in my life without these experiences because I do feel like I am the only one
Phrases such as 'you'll find someone eventually', 'they're out there somewhere', or 'I envy you because you have all this to come' are the worst things imaginable to me because unless these people have a crystal ball there is no certainty in this whatsoever which is why I find the topic of relationships so frustrating!
Alongside this my brother is getting married next year, sending me into a funk about the fact he is going to have someone for life whereas I haven't has someone for a minute!
If anyone could let me know I'm not the only one who feels this way I would be eternally grateful.
NB. Although I haven't had a bf I have kissed/ been kissed before so I don't feel too sorry for myself haha
If you feel you need friends join- http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/group.php?groupid=419
Original post by tillytots
In the same situation. Although I've kinda accepted I'll be alone forever, my mum even said to me the other day she can't imagine me ever having a proper boyfriend :L
She wouldn't have meant that because of your look because you're pretty. Why did she say proper boyfriend?
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